The Symptom Is the Solution
When you look at a child's unwanted behavior, bear in mind that the symptom is often the solution to the child's problem. For examples:
1. Frequent sickness on school mornings can signal that there are problems at school that your child wants to avoid. Or it can signal attachment issues between you and your child; meaning that time with you is in too short supply, it could signal an anxiety disorder, and more. Whatever you do, schedule a visit with your child's physician before searching for psychological explanations.
2. Tempertantrums often work: The child gets what he or she wants, or, they get out of doing what they don't want to do.
3. Your child's dawdling and not finishing what you have asked your he or she to do frequently gets them out of having to follow the full request. Sometimes it discourages parents from asking them to do responsible things. I often hear the ol' refrain: "For crying out loud, its easier for me to do it myself than to try and get my child to do it!"
Yes it is...and that's not by accident.
4. Sometimes a child or adolescent is especially argumentative with one parent any time things don't go their way. The result is that the other parent comes to thier defense, a large argument ensues between the parents and they remain further devided in their parental limits. Parents lose the power of unity and the child or adolescent is more in control.
5. Sometimes one parent is emotionally distant from the family and uninvolved. A child or adolescent will ingage in some outragious behavior that the distant and uninvolved parent cannot possibly ignore. This back into the family structure. Unfortunately, this normally happens in ways that produce futher conflict and lead to increased rates of misbehavior on the part of the child or adolescent and increases general conflict in the family.
The trick is to find more effective solutions to these and similar problems.
Sometimes professional help is needed to correct such bad symptom solutions and their bad outcomes.
God Bless,
Dr. Tom 6/24/10
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals and Their Medical Marijuana
Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals and Their Medical Marijuana
I have been waiting several weeks to write this. I have let the anger subside so I might write more clearly and with less profanity.
Yes, I know high English and am better than most at it. But I was also in the Navy and I have mastered some rather pointed alternative ways of expressing myself. I will spare you that, minus my use of my best Navy descriptor for proponents of medical marijuana as it now exists in at least three states, including Michigan: You Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals.
You may know that I am a retired professor of psychology and I am in private practice three days per week. I see 20 to 30 “people with problems” each week. I have done this for well over thirty years and about the time that I think I have seen it all, reality gives me a swift kick in the pants with a new and painful lesson.
The mother brought me her 14 year-old-boy because he and friends had beaten-up another kid and taken his book bag. He had been identified and turned over to the juvenile authorities and was put on probation. He was required to undergo counseling.
The boy was very friendly, bright, and articulate. I judged that he was above average intelligence–though his grades were failing in school and his attendance was poor. It was my first session with the boy and so I worked to build rapport with him and I thought that things had gone very well. The ground-work for future therapeutic gains had been laid.
About two weeks later the mother brought him back to me. She reported that the boy had “dropped dirty for marijuana” in his urine test at the probation office.
The boy, so friendly and reasonable the session before, sat in my office with a cocky smirk on his face. I asked “what were you thinking, are you looking to do jail time ?” Now sullen, with a give-a-crap attitude (oops, gosh, didn’t mean to say that), he said, “I don’t care–that’s not up to me.”
The 14-yr-old boy went on to lecture me that marijuana was legal. He explained that it is legal in three states because it was good for your joints, muscles and good for bronchitis.
I sat amazed, as I asked him where he heard all of that. He laughed at me and said, “The streets talk to Me”.
I told him that there was no reason for us to talk anymore and that I would leave it to others to help him understand how “the courts will now talk to him”. I did not have a client in the room, he did not admit to a problem and he did not wish to improve a problem. I could have taken Medicaid money for months. But like the old fogey I am, I asked him to leave and not come back. He asked me to sign a document for his probation officer saying he attended counseling. I reluctantly did so. There was no area for comments on my part.
I talked to his caring mother, who agreed that it was time for a higher level of intervention for him.
Later, I wrote his probation officer and explained that the 14-year-old boy would need legal sanctions taken against him, that counseling would be of no benefit until he acquired a “felt need” to change his thinking and actions (just between you and me, this probably will not work either).
Thanks! You dumb-assed progressive liberals who have used the current iteration of “legalized medical marijuana” in order to take another step in the direction of totally legalized marijuana (and other drugs), so you can stay high.
You have helped to destroy the life of another Mother’s child in America so that you can cop a buzz. You self-centered, hedonistic, bunch of sociopaths.
Dr. Tom 6/8/10
I have been waiting several weeks to write this. I have let the anger subside so I might write more clearly and with less profanity.
Yes, I know high English and am better than most at it. But I was also in the Navy and I have mastered some rather pointed alternative ways of expressing myself. I will spare you that, minus my use of my best Navy descriptor for proponents of medical marijuana as it now exists in at least three states, including Michigan: You Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals.
You may know that I am a retired professor of psychology and I am in private practice three days per week. I see 20 to 30 “people with problems” each week. I have done this for well over thirty years and about the time that I think I have seen it all, reality gives me a swift kick in the pants with a new and painful lesson.
The mother brought me her 14 year-old-boy because he and friends had beaten-up another kid and taken his book bag. He had been identified and turned over to the juvenile authorities and was put on probation. He was required to undergo counseling.
The boy was very friendly, bright, and articulate. I judged that he was above average intelligence–though his grades were failing in school and his attendance was poor. It was my first session with the boy and so I worked to build rapport with him and I thought that things had gone very well. The ground-work for future therapeutic gains had been laid.
About two weeks later the mother brought him back to me. She reported that the boy had “dropped dirty for marijuana” in his urine test at the probation office.
The boy, so friendly and reasonable the session before, sat in my office with a cocky smirk on his face. I asked “what were you thinking, are you looking to do jail time ?” Now sullen, with a give-a-crap attitude (oops, gosh, didn’t mean to say that), he said, “I don’t care–that’s not up to me.”
The 14-yr-old boy went on to lecture me that marijuana was legal. He explained that it is legal in three states because it was good for your joints, muscles and good for bronchitis.
I sat amazed, as I asked him where he heard all of that. He laughed at me and said, “The streets talk to Me”.
I told him that there was no reason for us to talk anymore and that I would leave it to others to help him understand how “the courts will now talk to him”. I did not have a client in the room, he did not admit to a problem and he did not wish to improve a problem. I could have taken Medicaid money for months. But like the old fogey I am, I asked him to leave and not come back. He asked me to sign a document for his probation officer saying he attended counseling. I reluctantly did so. There was no area for comments on my part.
I talked to his caring mother, who agreed that it was time for a higher level of intervention for him.
Later, I wrote his probation officer and explained that the 14-year-old boy would need legal sanctions taken against him, that counseling would be of no benefit until he acquired a “felt need” to change his thinking and actions (just between you and me, this probably will not work either).
Thanks! You dumb-assed progressive liberals who have used the current iteration of “legalized medical marijuana” in order to take another step in the direction of totally legalized marijuana (and other drugs), so you can stay high.
You have helped to destroy the life of another Mother’s child in America so that you can cop a buzz. You self-centered, hedonistic, bunch of sociopaths.
Dr. Tom 6/8/10
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Check Your Children’s Textbooks!
Check Your Children’s Textbooks!
Be sure to check your children’s school books to be sure that the intentions of our Founding Fathers are explained there. Also be certain that the profound sacrifices of our patriots and fighting forces are noted, as well as the stunning artistic, technological, military educational, civil, and humanitarian accomplishments of our great democratic society: the United States of America.
V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.
This quote is forwarded from the Patriotpost:
“Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom.” –John Adams, Defense of Constitutions, 1787
To subscribe to Founder’s Quote Daily and The Patriot Post, link to http://patriotpost.us/subscribe/.
Be sure to check your children’s school books to be sure that the intentions of our Founding Fathers are explained there. Also be certain that the profound sacrifices of our patriots and fighting forces are noted, as well as the stunning artistic, technological, military educational, civil, and humanitarian accomplishments of our great democratic society: the United States of America.
V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.
This quote is forwarded from the Patriotpost:
“Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom.” –John Adams, Defense of Constitutions, 1787
To subscribe to Founder’s Quote Daily and The Patriot Post, link to http://patriotpost.us/subscribe/.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Public Bush-hack!
The Public Bush-Whack!
I frequently find that clients in marriage therapy ridicule, criticise, or put each other down in social settings. Later, when the offended partner brings the matter up in private a heated argument often ensues.
The dynamics of the public bush-whack are interesting.
1. When the public bush-whack occurs, it may be taken as a form of sarcastic teasing by witnesses and may not harm the social relationships. Or if there is harm it may be hard for the offending individual or couple to detect. Therefore, there may be no consequences to the self-defeating practice of publicly bush-whacking a mate and it may continue unabated.
2. When the mate complains to their partner about the incident, the offender can play it off as, "you're just over sensitive and making mountains out of mole hills". This allows a double insult: one in public and another in private ("you just have a problem with sensitivity").
3. The bush-whack works well for the offender who is basically passive-aggressive. Such an individual does not like a direct fight or argument. They prefer to "get-even" for their quietly accumulated grievances against their partner in more subtle ways. For them the public bush-whack is just the ticket! Of course, it is a very bad practice because it solves nothing, creates more problems, and increases hostility in the relationship.
4. Sometimes the offender actually likes to fight! It may be hard for you to believe, but some folks want and prefer to have great fights in their relationships. With this dynamic, the offender may be paired with a partner who also likes to fight...and so, they are "off to the races"! Sometimes, however, the bushwhacker is paired with a passive partner who avoids conflict whenever he or she can. In this case the offender has found a great tool for suckering their peaceful partner into a fight. Even peaceful people can become righteously indignant when they have been publicly humiliated by the bush-whack. When the victim protests later in private, the bush-whacker can then work the confrontation into a full-blown fight. Mission accomplished!
In relationships, the public bush-whack is both a self-destructive communication style and a devious way to initiate a fight.
If there is a lot of bush-whacking in your relationship, you had better seek professional help before it is too late.
God Bless, Dr. Tom
5/20/10
I frequently find that clients in marriage therapy ridicule, criticise, or put each other down in social settings. Later, when the offended partner brings the matter up in private a heated argument often ensues.
The dynamics of the public bush-whack are interesting.
1. When the public bush-whack occurs, it may be taken as a form of sarcastic teasing by witnesses and may not harm the social relationships. Or if there is harm it may be hard for the offending individual or couple to detect. Therefore, there may be no consequences to the self-defeating practice of publicly bush-whacking a mate and it may continue unabated.
2. When the mate complains to their partner about the incident, the offender can play it off as, "you're just over sensitive and making mountains out of mole hills". This allows a double insult: one in public and another in private ("you just have a problem with sensitivity").
3. The bush-whack works well for the offender who is basically passive-aggressive. Such an individual does not like a direct fight or argument. They prefer to "get-even" for their quietly accumulated grievances against their partner in more subtle ways. For them the public bush-whack is just the ticket! Of course, it is a very bad practice because it solves nothing, creates more problems, and increases hostility in the relationship.
4. Sometimes the offender actually likes to fight! It may be hard for you to believe, but some folks want and prefer to have great fights in their relationships. With this dynamic, the offender may be paired with a partner who also likes to fight...and so, they are "off to the races"! Sometimes, however, the bushwhacker is paired with a passive partner who avoids conflict whenever he or she can. In this case the offender has found a great tool for suckering their peaceful partner into a fight. Even peaceful people can become righteously indignant when they have been publicly humiliated by the bush-whack. When the victim protests later in private, the bush-whacker can then work the confrontation into a full-blown fight. Mission accomplished!
In relationships, the public bush-whack is both a self-destructive communication style and a devious way to initiate a fight.
If there is a lot of bush-whacking in your relationship, you had better seek professional help before it is too late.
God Bless, Dr. Tom
5/20/10
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Look-Out For The "Blind-Side" Divorce
Look-out For The Blind-Side Divorce
My client is depressed and discheveled: He or she is in a lot of shock and pain. I have seen this situation over and over again for 30 years.
The person tells me that they "never saw it coming" and now, suddenly, their mate's "mind is made-up" and they are leaving. All too often there is little to be done except help the blind-sided individual cope as effectively as they can.
There are many reasons for the blind-side break-up or divorce.
One frequent reason is that the departing loved one has found someone else to love. Sometimes the blindsided one did the same thing. Occasionally this is because someone has issues with loyalty. More often the dying relationship had an affair because it had been dying for years, it had grown increasingly empty and one (or both) did nothing to save it.
Often, what has happened is that one or both members of a couple (married or not)have stopped making the other person a priority in their lives, they stopped telling and showing, in countless ways, how special the other person is and how much they love them. They have stopped being friends and taking time to plan fun things and play together. These things can happen to a once good relatinship for many reasons.
Finally, there is mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse/addiction, and physical or emotional abuse.
The fact is that loving and caring feelings and emotions in a relationship can wither and die-out if not fed and nurtured. This degenerative process can progress beyond the point where many people are unwilling to work to repair their relationship.
Fail to deal effectively with any of these problems and growing resentment, anger and disgust, along with the belief that nothing will ever change, can destroy your relationship. This process is often slow and insidious and it can take years to develop.
Look for signs of trouble and talk them over. Listen to feedback from trusted friends and loved-ones. Act earlier rather than later, acting earlier is symbolic of your love, acting too late is frequently symbolic of fear and dependency. Seek the assistance of a Ph.D. level psychologist experienced in relationship counseling. Personality testing is often very helpful to this process.
Look-out for the blind-side divorce and the great damage it can do to families and their children.
God Bless, Dr. Tom
4/24/10
My client is depressed and discheveled: He or she is in a lot of shock and pain. I have seen this situation over and over again for 30 years.
The person tells me that they "never saw it coming" and now, suddenly, their mate's "mind is made-up" and they are leaving. All too often there is little to be done except help the blind-sided individual cope as effectively as they can.
There are many reasons for the blind-side break-up or divorce.
One frequent reason is that the departing loved one has found someone else to love. Sometimes the blindsided one did the same thing. Occasionally this is because someone has issues with loyalty. More often the dying relationship had an affair because it had been dying for years, it had grown increasingly empty and one (or both) did nothing to save it.
Often, what has happened is that one or both members of a couple (married or not)have stopped making the other person a priority in their lives, they stopped telling and showing, in countless ways, how special the other person is and how much they love them. They have stopped being friends and taking time to plan fun things and play together. These things can happen to a once good relatinship for many reasons.
Finally, there is mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse/addiction, and physical or emotional abuse.
The fact is that loving and caring feelings and emotions in a relationship can wither and die-out if not fed and nurtured. This degenerative process can progress beyond the point where many people are unwilling to work to repair their relationship.
Fail to deal effectively with any of these problems and growing resentment, anger and disgust, along with the belief that nothing will ever change, can destroy your relationship. This process is often slow and insidious and it can take years to develop.
Look for signs of trouble and talk them over. Listen to feedback from trusted friends and loved-ones. Act earlier rather than later, acting earlier is symbolic of your love, acting too late is frequently symbolic of fear and dependency. Seek the assistance of a Ph.D. level psychologist experienced in relationship counseling. Personality testing is often very helpful to this process.
Look-out for the blind-side divorce and the great damage it can do to families and their children.
God Bless, Dr. Tom
4/24/10
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Our Operant Behavior
Our Operant Behavior
In some ways operant behaviors are the most important of all of our behaviors. We will therefore discuss operant behavior first. A good general way to identify which of our many behaviors is operant is to identify its physiological roots. Operant behavior is influenced by our central nervous system (our brain and spinal chord) and it is executed by thinking and/or by moving. This may sound simple, but of course, it is not. We use movement to talk, write, send email, to make and rear children, and to make war, etc. Movements require the use our skeletal (striped) muscles, which involves so much of our operant behavior.
The Simple Contingency
A simple contingency (con-tin-gin-see) only specifies that one thing must happen (a specific behavior) before another thing happens (a consequence). It includes only a behavior and a consequence.
So, for example, if you want the door to open, you must turn the knob and pull or push. If you want a home loan you must select a mortgage company and make-out an application. The door is likely to open and the loan likely to be granted, contingent upon your doing the appropriate behavior. Similarly, a child may learn to make a polite request because that gets him what he wants. Or, a child may learn to throw a temper tantrum because that gets him what he wants.
A more complicated contingency involves three separate things. This is called the three-term-contingency and it involves 1. the situation or events that happen before a behavior, 2. the behavior, and 2. the consequence. Operant behavior takes place in the real world in countless fluid ways. But all operant behavior can easily be seen in this before, behavior, and after context. From birth to death we are immersed in a universe of three-term-contingencies. Again, the three parts to the world of our operant thoughts and actions are.
1. The stimuli or cues from our environment that precede our actions.
2. Our specific behaviors or actions in the presence of those stimuli or cues.
3. The consequences of our actions that may strengthen or weaken the probability that we will do those actions again in the future.
Human operant behavior changes as its physical and social environment changes and as the consequences of behavior change. We should not miss the fact that normally the most skilled sailors live by the sea, the best trackers and hunters live in the forest, and the best mountain climbers live in the mountains. When people in these environments behave effectively they are rewarded: they eat well and prosper. If they fail to do so, they may perish.
It took a detailed scientific analysis, based upon E. L. Thorndike’s (1987) Law of Effect, to understand and appreciate how the environment shapes our behavior into complex bundles of actions that are both common among most everyone and also those that are unique to each of us. The law of effect relates to operant behavior and, as you may recall, it simply states that consequences control operant behavior.
Dr. Tom 4/21/10
In some ways operant behaviors are the most important of all of our behaviors. We will therefore discuss operant behavior first. A good general way to identify which of our many behaviors is operant is to identify its physiological roots. Operant behavior is influenced by our central nervous system (our brain and spinal chord) and it is executed by thinking and/or by moving. This may sound simple, but of course, it is not. We use movement to talk, write, send email, to make and rear children, and to make war, etc. Movements require the use our skeletal (striped) muscles, which involves so much of our operant behavior.
The Simple Contingency
A simple contingency (con-tin-gin-see) only specifies that one thing must happen (a specific behavior) before another thing happens (a consequence). It includes only a behavior and a consequence.
So, for example, if you want the door to open, you must turn the knob and pull or push. If you want a home loan you must select a mortgage company and make-out an application. The door is likely to open and the loan likely to be granted, contingent upon your doing the appropriate behavior. Similarly, a child may learn to make a polite request because that gets him what he wants. Or, a child may learn to throw a temper tantrum because that gets him what he wants.
A more complicated contingency involves three separate things. This is called the three-term-contingency and it involves 1. the situation or events that happen before a behavior, 2. the behavior, and 2. the consequence. Operant behavior takes place in the real world in countless fluid ways. But all operant behavior can easily be seen in this before, behavior, and after context. From birth to death we are immersed in a universe of three-term-contingencies. Again, the three parts to the world of our operant thoughts and actions are.
1. The stimuli or cues from our environment that precede our actions.
2. Our specific behaviors or actions in the presence of those stimuli or cues.
3. The consequences of our actions that may strengthen or weaken the probability that we will do those actions again in the future.
Human operant behavior changes as its physical and social environment changes and as the consequences of behavior change. We should not miss the fact that normally the most skilled sailors live by the sea, the best trackers and hunters live in the forest, and the best mountain climbers live in the mountains. When people in these environments behave effectively they are rewarded: they eat well and prosper. If they fail to do so, they may perish.
It took a detailed scientific analysis, based upon E. L. Thorndike’s (1987) Law of Effect, to understand and appreciate how the environment shapes our behavior into complex bundles of actions that are both common among most everyone and also those that are unique to each of us. The law of effect relates to operant behavior and, as you may recall, it simply states that consequences control operant behavior.
Dr. Tom 4/21/10
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Two Basic Kinds of Behavior
Two Basic Kinds of Behavior
There are only two kinds of behavior in humans and other animals. One kind of behavior is called Operant Behavior because it “operates”, or acts, on the environment. Most important, operant behavior is controlled by its consequences. Consequences are said to “control” our behavior because they increase (strengthen) or decrease (weaken) the future frequency of the behaviors they follow. Consequences influence our operant behavior probabilistically, not absolutely. For example, a child who is praised for helping with a chore, is more likely to help others in the future. A child who is allowed to push another child down and take their toy, is more likely to be aggressive to others in the future.
The only other kind of behavior is Respondent Behavior. The word respondent means that these behaviors are reflexive responses to specific stimuli. Common examples of our respondent behavior are being startled by a loud noise, snapping our had away from a hot flame, or salivating when we put food in our mouths.
As you will see, these two apparently simple kinds of behavior, and they ways they can be learned, are of huge importance to the lives of fellow citizens and to our socioculture.
Dr. Tom 4/20/10
There are only two kinds of behavior in humans and other animals. One kind of behavior is called Operant Behavior because it “operates”, or acts, on the environment. Most important, operant behavior is controlled by its consequences. Consequences are said to “control” our behavior because they increase (strengthen) or decrease (weaken) the future frequency of the behaviors they follow. Consequences influence our operant behavior probabilistically, not absolutely. For example, a child who is praised for helping with a chore, is more likely to help others in the future. A child who is allowed to push another child down and take their toy, is more likely to be aggressive to others in the future.
The only other kind of behavior is Respondent Behavior. The word respondent means that these behaviors are reflexive responses to specific stimuli. Common examples of our respondent behavior are being startled by a loud noise, snapping our had away from a hot flame, or salivating when we put food in our mouths.
As you will see, these two apparently simple kinds of behavior, and they ways they can be learned, are of huge importance to the lives of fellow citizens and to our socioculture.
Dr. Tom 4/20/10
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