Bad Behavioral Contagion in Michigan: Legalized Recreational Marijuana!

November 24, 2018

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Bad Behavioral Contagion in Michigan: Legalized Recreational Marijuana!

I define Bad Behavioral Contagion as the spread of damaging behavior within a population via scientifically validated biological, social and psychological mechanisms (principles). To learn more about Behavioral Contagion, please use my search box.

 “Pure” Michigan (as the ads proclaim) has Just Legalized Recreational Marijuana.
In one great irrational and self-destructive act, it has lost its credibility as the so-called “pure state”.

The ungoverned chaos, mayhem, human suffering and financial losses that will now unfold in Michigan and surrounding states, in time, will be ruinous. The weight of legalized marijuana related tragedies will far exceed the revenues and pleasures so ignorantly, or selfishly anticipated by citizens, businesses and politicians.

I have written extensively about the many harms to the people in the states that have legalized Marijuana for recreation. I will not personally discuss all of that again in this particular blog.
Instead, now and in the future, I will publish more current reviews of these problems that are now poised to ravage the people of Michigan, my beloved once-home-state. The state in which virtually all of my relatives live and raise their children…the one I visit countless times every year.

I am deeply saddened over what what I know legal marijuana + alcohol + other available still illegal drugs could do to the people I love there; and will certainly do to thousands of other Michiganders who we all should care about.
The loss and pain, now poised to unfold, is a needless result of a short-sighted or deceitful, money motivated, massively self-destructive political act. This is radical liberalism on vivid display.

The following short article authoritatively warns about the very bad things that are happening to the citizens in other states that have legalized marijuana for recreational use. Although it does not provide citations to supporting research findings, they certainly exist and I have reviewed and referred to many of them in my past postings on this topic. 

From my data-based psychological perspective, legalized recreational marijuana in Michigan represents just one more, of many historically increasing avenues for bad behavioral contagion within America. 

The sum-total these an other accruing radical liberal cultural redesigns, stimulating bad behavioral contagion within our population, forecast very bad problems to come for everyone.
Without radical change, I fear we are witnessing the unfolding elements of America’s decline and failure.

https://www.crainsdetroit.com/other-voices/marijuana-issue-bad-business-michigan

Now please see one of my previous postings on this issue.

https://culturalsurvivalskills.me/2018/04/20/reality-therapy-with-dr-tom-legalized-recreational-marijuana/

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.
Health Services Provider in Psychology
Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Indiana University South Bend

Spiritual Devotions for Peace of Mind

Spiritual Devotions for Peace of Mind

My wife and I have been reading from a daily devotion book and have found it to be very good food for the soul.

I want to recommend it to you because it appears to me to be "cognitive therapy" from God.

There are so many stressors in life that cause any one of us humans to suffer anxiety, anger, fear, and hopelessnes.

There are many ways to combate these bad and damaging feelings. The daily devotion book that I will now recommend to you is just one of the ways. The following is the citation for this wonderful book.

Jesus Calling: Devotions for Every Day of the Year, by Sarah Young
Published by Thomas Neslon, Inc., Nashville Tennessee
Email: specialmarket@thomasnelson.com

Dr. Tom

The Psychology of Separation and Divorce: Know and Limit The Damages!

The Psychology of Separation and Divorce: Know and Limit The Damages!

I have been in practice for 33 years and I have experienced well over 100 separations and divorces. I have worked with both the children and the adults involved. It is very difficult work. I will warn you that it is much more difficult to watch the damage of separation and divorce among the people you love and are emotionally attached to.

I will recommend that you do your best to avoid separation or divorce by entering therapy sessions with a skilled and experienced marriage counselor. I do not advise that you let serious relationship problems continue for long periods without resolution, thinking that they will not affect your children adversely. They most probably will be harmful to your children.

If a divorce or separation is inevitable, a good marriage counselor will be able to help you to minimize the damages to your children.

In all such matters maximizing benefits and minimizing harm to yourselves and to your children should be your main focus: Both in the short and in the long-run.

The following are some of the problems that occur when children are involved in separations or divorces. It is your responsibility to decide if any of these damaging events are happening within your own family and what you will do about them.



The Kids:

1. Kids often act-out to gain the attention they miss because parents are angry, depressed and withdrawn. Their bad behavior not only gets them attention, but it brings mom and dad together to solve the problems. This reinforces the kids’s bad behavior and often adds to the conflict between their parents. Things get worse.

2. They often obsessively immerse themselves in activities that take their minds of the misery that they see and feel in their home. Music, video games, friends, sex, drugs, rock and role, self-abuse, etc. (Much like adults do when they are depressed and anxious).

3. Each kid’s personality is different, so each is likely to develop their own unique problems. One may become hyper-involved in pleasing others, giving love and affection, trying to make others happy, taking responsibility for trying to stabilize things...being inauthentic. Another may just withdraw and become mute and emotionally blunted. Another may become the angry oppositional one. In rare cases, some will consider suicide. Children often suffer depression, school under- achievement, anger problems, concentration and memory problems. If they are being treated for ADHD, it is likely to grow worse and their medications may need to be adjusted. They may need counseling and medication for depression.

4. Many develop some method to escape the bad vibes or feelings in their house. They may stay away with friends, stay out after curfew, and in other ways withdraw and become unavailable.

5. Kids often take sides in parental conflict and this further damages them and the family, even after separation or divorce. They can become alienated from not only one, or both parents, but also from one set, or both sets of the grandparents, and other extended family members involved.

6. Kids sometimes become overly attached to one parent or both parents, at the expense of their own social and emotional development. They become the male or female nurse for a parent and their emotional care-taker.

7. When the father withdraws from the family, both sexes (but more often the boys) attempt to dominate the mother. This causes the father to take the role of the disciplinarian and then the parents frequently fight over the father’s more stronger disciplinary style. This teaches children how to get parents sidetracked into fights and gives greater control to the children. This can increase in severity until the that child or adolescent is thought to need to live with the father, or outside authorities need to become involved.

8. Once the separation or divorce has happened, kids frequently play one parent against the other to get what they want. This probably was already happening, but it can intensify after the split. Kids tend to take advantage of a lack of communication and the conflict problems between parents.

9. Kids often side with the parent who is the most fun, who’s rules are more lax, who have more money and who buys them more things, etc. Sounds bad, I know, but even good kids are naturally self-centered under some conditions.

10. They often request to live at the fun house and avoid the disciplined house. They may try to switch back and forth as the parents get tired of their actions and begin to clamp down on them.

11. Much of the damage done to children will only be seen in the future, when they enter their own relationships. Too often the psychological deficits present in their family of origin play-out like a video tape in their own new family lives. Sometimes the trauma of their parent’s problems cause them to be anxious and reticent about committing to solidify intimate relationships of their own.

All of these things either brings their parents together to cope with the problems (this can reinforce the problems and thereby worsen them) or it causes more conflict between everyone (this worsens the problems).



The parents:

1. Parents dealing with the stresses of a dysfunctional marriage often turn to drugs, sex, alcohol, gambling, or outside relationships, to emotionally cope (blunt, distract, escape or avoid) their distress.



2. Frequently a "third party" enters the equation. It can be an actual sexual affair or only an emotional attachment which involves a fantasy of how "wonderful it could be with someone else". An actual affair, or a fantasy, is devastating for several reasons. Nothing old and troubled can compare with new "love" and it is difficult for a troubled reality to compete with a fantasy. When an affair occurs individuals frequently emotionally invest heavily in it, because if they do not it is easy to feel it was a "cheap and unprincipled"to do. If they see it as "true love", "special", "legitimate", "wonderful" and "meant to be", it eases the conscience for many.

However, the facts are, these relationships, started during a troubled marriage, most often do not work out after the separation or divorce occurs. Approximate divorce rates are 50% for the first marriage, high 60's for the second and 74% for the third marriage.

Subsequent marriages (or cohabitations) are less likely to work than the first one, because adults commonly do not change what it is about themselves that contributed to the ruination of their past relationships. The additional strains of new step children, remaining responsibilities to their biological children, the new mate’s increasingly revealed imperfections, conflict with extended family members and unresolved ex-spouse/partner problems all contribute to these negative outcomes.

3. Separated or Divorced parents frequently bring new (or old) lovers into the lives of their children. Emotional attachments are formed between these individuals and the children and the children are again damaged when that relationship falls apart, which it is most likely to do.

Also, it is critical for parents to know that children are statistically at greater risk for sexual and physical abuse from step parents than from biological parents.

4. Parents often times vilify each other to their children. They can do this in very subtle ways by showing disdain, disgust, and other negative attitudes to their mate, or while making reference to them. Parents often tell their children the about the bad things the other has done. This "splits" the kids and can cause them to not only turn against the other parent, but also each other as they take sides in the conflict. When parent spit their anger and hatred through the children to their mate, it poisons the children. The outcome of all of this is now referred to as Parental Alienation Syndrom.

5. Parents can begin to use the children as their emotional support system, sharing physical and emotional intimacies that they should not. This burdens their children with adult problems and demands that they cannot understand, solve or meet. While many children do the best they can to take care of their parents it eventually takes its toll and can cause them to feel increasing anxiety, fear, worry, and a growing sense of incompetency.

6. When parents don’t communicate, they place their children in the role of the "go-between communicator" and peace-keeper or negotiator. In this role, no matter what the children do, they loose. They are forced to be a mouth-piece to try to keep peace and it never works. They are stressed to the max by being forced into this roll and this eventually shows in their own maladjustment.

7. Children are ego-centric by nature. So it is normal that when things go bad in their family that they will assume too much personal responsibility for the various problems. It may not be something that they readily admit to, but they often have negative judgements and feelings about themselves, as a result. This is another important reason to for the adults and children in troubled, separating, or divorcing families to get professional help.

8. Parents often develop negative attitudes toward the child or children who remind them the most of their mate. They may consciously or unconsciously mistreat that child as a result. They may also develop negative expectations of the child or children which then become reality, as a result.

9. Parents often purposefully mistreat a child because they think the child is an Ally of the other parent. In some cases, this may be true. But problems are compounded when a parent takes retribution on the child.

10. Parents often put their children in "no-win" situations by making them choose between one parent or the other ("Would you rather go with me or him/her"?; "How do you like my new boyfriend/girlfriend"?, etc.). No matter the choice, the child risks disappointing one or the other parent.

11. When separation or divorce happens each parent loses some, much, or nearly all of the practical support of the other ("help me", "do it", "get it", "fix it", "mow it", "shovel it, take it/me/ or them somewhere", etc.). This is a major stressor for both the adults and the children.

12. When separation or divorce happens, generally the female is the custodial parent. The female and the children then commonly experience an economic loss. This loss can "freeze" the children at a lower socioeconomic level, or cause them to drop into near poverty circumstances. All parties are hurt by the economic losses involved. Often, kids attach to new peers with lower expectations and values that do not lead to higher education and greater economic/social opportunities.

13. The recovery of damaged relationships between mates is often compounded by the fact that committing to work hard to improve their situation is inhibited by fear of failure. If a mate makes a commitment to try again to appreciate and give their love to their partner, their heart may again be broken and their hopes and dreams of a happy life together may again be dashed. These are normal fears and insecurities that often defeat individual’s motivation to save troubled marriages and families before serious efforts to do so even begin.

14. Most sadly, sometimes one or both adults are unable to bring themselves to make the difficult decision of ending their relationship, so they consciously or unconsciously increase the conflict in their relationship to greater and greater levels. This way they destroy what is left of their relationship without having ever to take responsibility for making the decision to do so in a rational manner.

Couples who go to an experienced therapist (experienced with both children and adults in marital stress), absolutely can resolve many issues, and live more happily than ever. It takes hard work and dedication, but the rewards are great. About 75 percent who do counseling report improved relationships and about 65 percent report significantly improved relationships.

I have also seen parents who separate, finally reconsider, and return to work-on and to improve their marriage, but it does not happen often.

I have also seen parents divorce, but in doing so, get counseling from a marriage counselor experienced with both adults and children. In doing so, they have minimized to the greatest extent possible, the damaging consequences of that outcome. Children are shaken and confused by the massive changes in their lives. They are afraid of what will come. It is important to sit with a professional and determine when and how you will discuss all that is happening with them. They need to have resolution even more than you do.

Whatever your outcome, I hope that you will seek experienced professional guidance together as you make your very big and difficult decisions and seek the best outcomes available for you and your loved ones.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom, 2/2/12

A Narcissism Epidemic in America?

A Narcissism Epidemic in America?




A friend recently loaned me the book “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement”, By Jean M Twenge, Ph.D. and W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D. This 2009 book was published by the Free Press, New York, NY.

As a practicing psychologist, I was interested in this book, the title of which fits with my experience as an observer of American Culture and as a behavior therapist. I know, all too intimately, the havoc wreaked in society and its families by the human behavior patterns called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I also recall my last fifteen years as a professor dealing with the deteriorating quality of student academic performance and behavior. Increasingly, I felt like I was teaching high school classes. Discipline problems in the form of students flirting and talking with each other; disruptive late arrivals and early departures; cell phone shenanigans; students not studying and then being sullen or angry about poor grades. It became necessary to develop a course point bonus and loss system in order to manage my larger classes. With rare exception, smaller and more advanced classes remained a joy to teach. I truly miss the challenge and excitement of these advanced classes. I am delighted to no longer have to deal with the increasing proportions of the disrespectful, self-centered, irresponsible narcissistic-like ”riff-raff” in my larger service classes.

It is critical to understand the definition Narcissism. If you think that what follows is an “academic” exercise, you are wrong. You really need to be able to identify these behaviors patterns. If you are unlucky enough to get involved with a narcissistic personality disordered individual in business or your personal life, you will suffer in ways that most non-professionals are unable to imagine. When it comes to human relationships: Caveat Emptor (Let the buyer beware).

There is no better source for the definition than the following:

Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need
for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in
a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g.,
exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior
without commensurate achievements)

(3) believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be
understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or
institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable
expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his
or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage
of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify
with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are
envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or
attitudes

From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994, American Psychiatric Association.


The book, Narcissism Epidemic, provides credible research evidence that narcissistic personality patterns have increased within America’s population at an accelerating rate.

From my own perspective, this book provides a ton of anecdotal evidence in its attempt to illustrate the rise of narcissism in America. If this was the only support for their argument, its believability would suffer. However, the authors also provide a sufficient amount of research evidence to make their case and the abundance of anecdotes simply underscore the validity of their own and other’s research findings.

However, I have one area of respectful disagreement with authors Twenge and Campbell. They explain that insecurity, low-self-esteem, or a “deep-seated sense of shame”, as a cause for what has traditionally been called narcissistic Personality Disorder is wrong. Instead, they argue that such behavior patterns are taught through over-indulgent, worshipful, and effusively non-contingently praising parenting styles. In my professional experience, both of these general avenues can lead to the formation of narcissistic behavior patterns. I have seen strong narcissism in too many neglected, abandoned and abused individuals to reject these experiences as contributing causes.

The following is a very good summary of the main points of the book, “The Narcissism Epidemic”.

Please take the time to learn about this reflection of, and contribution to, America’s decline. Learn what the contributing factors appear to be and then, behave accordingly!

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2009/04/21/narcissism-epidemic-why-there-are-so-many-narcissists-now


Dr. Tom

Happy Father’s Day: But Don’t Forget!
Happy Father’s Day: But don’t forget your wonderful ladies. We couldn’t have done it without them!
God’s Blessings to America’s loving and dedicated fathers.

Dr. Tom

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God’s Blessings To You on Easter: 2011

God’s Blessings To You on Easter: 2011



Watch this for a spiritual lift on Easter.



The power and the glory is simply stunning.


Dr. Tom,  4/24/11


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76RrdwElnTU&feature=related

Letting Go of Upsetting Thoughts and Memories

Teaching Your Brain To “Let-Go” of Upsetting Thoughts and Memories: YOU CAN DO IT!



How can you teach your brain to let-go of upsetting thoughts and memories? You can do it through repeatedly practicing a simple meditation exercise. I will tell you about this method later in this document.

But first, it is important to understand how your emotional memory system works and why the meditation method can help you.

Modern neuroscience suggests that our brain has a bias toward remembering negative things and remaining alert, constantly scanning our surroundings for more (different or similar) negative things to come. This basic tendency is one of the causes of our anxiety, depression and angry or fearful behavior.

Our brains evolved in a dangerous and hostile environment and therefore it is likely to be “Velcro for threatening events” and “Teflon for positive events”. In other words, negative events stick and positive ones are more likely to be overlooked.

Our brains’ limbic system has recorded our emotional events, even during the first months of life. The limbic system (more specifically the amygdala within the limbic system) acts as the watch-dog, smoke detector, panic button, and alarm system, for our brain. It constantly scans our environment for more such emotion-packed events. It is also the main location of rage, anger and fear responses.

We can recall very few memories earlier than our first three years of our life. However, a great number of memories exist in the form of neurological circuits that were associated with the many stimuli that we have encountered in association with emotion evoking events. The lack of memory previous to three years of age is called infantile amnesia, but the non-verbal emotional memories of these many events are still with us all and they still influence our current emotions, perceptions and behaviors.

The neurological circuits laid down throughout our lives are “fired-up” when we perceive mental or external stimuli similar to those associated with the original events and emotions. These physiological reactions stimulate our autonomic nervous system and our endocrine system. This results in strong emotional impulses (fight, freeze or runaway). These emotions and impulses are also communicated to our higher brain centers (the neo-cortex and pre-frontal cortex). These thinking portions of our brain then interpret these bodily changes and they direct our interpretations of what is happening and how we behave under the circumstances. The frontal cortex reads these emotional impulses and our resulting felt physiological changes and attempts to understand and cope with them.

Many of our most disturbing memories come from traumas occurring early in our lives and we may not have clear memories of them (infantile amnesia). These are called implicit memories because, even though they are firing within our brain we cannot consciously remember them (they are unconscious). Worse yet, we actually don’t know that we are having a memory! We simply experience the emotions associated with the original traumatic events that we experienced in our past. To make matters worse, these experiences are often not associated with identifiable external or internal stimuli; they may be triggered random thoughts. We then have the feeling that we are losing control of our mental processes and our emotions and this feeling alone can be very upsetting for most people.

“Neurons that fire together are wired together” (D.O. Hebb). A traumatic event creates a neurological circuit that represents that event in our brain, as a memory. Any external or internal stimulus that is similar to that older memory can cause those neurological-circuits to fire and you will remember stimuli and/or feelings and emotions associated with that event (explicit memory), or you will experience only the emotions associated with the event and not even know that you are having a memory (implicit memory).

The brain is an association machine and it is an anticipation machine. It anticipates painful or distressing stimuli of the past, and it scans the environment for these events , or similar stimuli, and it expects them to reoccur. The brain then identifies anything similar (even remotely similar) and further reinforces the original memory and associated emotions. This is why the brain is also called a recursive system.

Both explicit and implicit memories can cause anxiety, Fight or Flight autonomic nervous system arousal, as well as the release of stress hormones in our body. Both explicit and implicit memories can also cause us to feel anxious, paranoid, depressed and/or angry. These memories can also take the form of scripts (like lines and actions to be performed in a play) that we may feel compelled to reenact or undo is some way. These scripts can involve seeking to isolate ourselves, thinking bad thoughts about ourselves, consuming inebriates, escaping through play and fantasy, or attacking others (or ourselves), verbally or physically.

When emotions “steal” or “hijack” the thinking part of our brain, these are some of the irrational ways our “automatic pilot can cause us to go into a tail-spin and crash,” so to speak. If we allow your emotions to climb too high, our thinking brain goes “off-line” and we are functionally “brain impaired”. Then, any of the previously mentioned self-defeating reactions, and more, are more likely to occur. Sadly, these actions are normally damaging to your goals and aspirations. For example, when we lose the ability to be rational because we allow our emotions to paralyze the thinking part of our brain we are prone to attack others with sarcasm, contempt, personal criticism and shaming. Such irrational, unthinking-“brainless” attacks can even become violent. When we attack others in these ways something very bad will happen almost 100% of the time. It is common for marriages and other precious relationships to be destroyed in this way.

The problem to be solved is that once our stressful explicit or implicit memories are fired-up in our Limbic system (with autonomic nervous system and endocrine system activation), the thinking and coping sections of our brain are short-circuited, switched off, or Hijacked. We then automatically act in irrational and self-defeating ways by panicking, freezing, physically attacking, raging, verbally attacking, running away, eating, drinking, spending, gambling, or sexually acting-out, etc.).

Learning To Let-Go: Developing A Psychological Immunity To Upsetting Memories

Mindfulness is a practice and strategy for achieving moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness and calmness. It involves taking a calm second look” at our first impulses, thoughts, or reactions and then dismissing them and relaxing.

By learning to meditate, and focus upon our stream of consciousness, we are learning to manage memories that threaten to emotionally hijack our thinking, analyzing, coping, and self-controlling brain. When we avoid doing such exercises, our traumatic memories can “incubate”, or grow in their power to upset us. Totally avoiding previously upsetting memories is a natural thing to do because in the short-run we are more comfortable. But in the long-run, these memories persist in intruding and upsetting our comfort. Dealing with upsetting memories through meditation is a natural and powerful way to inoculate your mind against upsetting intrusions.

The Meditation Exercise

• Find a comfortable position

• If you are sitting, place your feet flat on the floor

• Place one hand over your heart (both hands, if you like)

• Take a deep breath and hold for a few seconds

• Resume breathing in a relaxed and calm way. Be sure to breath through your nostrils if you can (slightly pursed lips, if you must). Do not pant or short breath. Nicely satisfy your brain with oxygen.

• Try to breath low with your stomach rather than by expanding your chest

• Notice the cool-dry sensation around your nostrils/lips as you breath in

• Notice the warm-moist sensation as you breath out

• Repeat at every few seconds a calming and relaxing word. Select one that you like and one that works for you (be calm, relax, let go, etc.)

• Focus your mind’s eye upon your muscles and will them to relax. Move from the top of your head to neck, shoulders, back, chest, arms, hands stomach, hips, buttocks, legs and feet.

• Notice an increasingly relaxed feeling throughout your body

• Concentrate and focus your mind upon these things only

In spite or your best efforts, during meditation, thoughts will come and go. This is normal and you will not be able to stop this from happening. Do not be frustrated with yourself. This is normal, so be very kind and accepting of the way your mind works.

The task to practice is focusing upon your calm and relaxed breathing, calm and relaxed body muscles, and also upon calming self-statements. As new thoughts intrude, your job is to notice them, objectively and calmly consider them for a few seconds, and then dismiss the thought and return to your meditation upon your breathing, muscle relaxation and calming self-statements.

Do this exercise repeatedly for whatever time that you can (five, ten, or perhaps fifteen minutes) at a session. The more you practice this letting-go exercise, the better at it you will become and the more mental/emotional relief you will feel.

The Core Skills Of Mindfulness: In A Nutshell

1. Clarifying, Setting and Reaffirming Intention

    Practice your intention to control thoughts and maintain calmness

2. Cultivating a Witnessing Awareness

   Developing an awareness of the state of your awareness (metacognition)

   Witnessing your inner mental-emotional landscape without autopilot reactions

3. Stabilizing Attention (harmony of intention and attention)

    Strengthening your ability to hold your mental focus

    I.e., “This is what I want to remember this moment”

4. Strengthening Self-Regulation

    Settling and calming negative emotions intentionally

    Shortening the time that difficult emotions keep you “hooked”

    Avoiding, or recovering from, emotional hijackings

    Bringing your whole brain back on line

5. Practicing Loving Kindness

   Calming the inner critic and negative self-judgments

   Practicing non-judgmental awareness leading to kindness and compassion for

   yourself and for others

“Do, Do, Do; Don’t Stew, Stew, Stew” (Albert Ellis)

To recap, both emotionally loaded explicit and implicit memories can cause anxiety through Fight or Flight autonomic nervous system arousal, as well as the release of stress hormones in our body. Both explicit and implicit memories can also cause us to feel anxious, paranoid, depressed and/or angry. These memories can also take the form of scripts (like in a play) that we may feel compelled to reenact or undo is some way.

Practicing meditation using the principles of mindfulness can help to gain control of your thoughts and memories of upsetting events and the ways they influence how you feel and act in the present and future. It is critically important that you practice the meditation methods taught you in therapy sessions and/or the guidelines listed above, daily for five to fifteen minutes per session. Do this several times each day. Through practice, you can gain a significant measure of psychological immunity from your irrational emotions, perceptions and behaviors.

Learning this skill is like learning any other skill (golf, tennis, playing an instrument, or using a computer, etc.), the more you practice the more skilled you will become at managing your emotions. Be gentle and kind to yourself, practice does not make perfect, it simply makes you more skilled. It is good to practice multiple times a day. The more you practice, the more skilled you will become.

“Do Your Work and You Shall Reinforce Yourself” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)



Materials That You Can Study To Improve Your Emotional Self-Control

The following web site is a good source for audio CD’s and books that relate to meditation and mood/emotional self-control.

http://www.soundstrue.com/

*The contents of this document have been heavily influenced by the work-shop teachings of Terry Fralich, LCPC*

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D., HSPP 20090171A

President, Behavioral Psychological Family Services

http://www.lifecopingskills.com/

Teens Having Less Sex?

Teens Having Less Sex?


I doubt that very much. Compared to when?

Tell that to the greying graduated highschool classes of 1960!

Whether teen sex has gone up or down a few percentage points over the past few decades does not obscure the fact that our socioculture is in deep trouble because of our pornographic, soft-pornographic, and sexually suggestive portrayals that exist in almost all venues attractive to children and teens.

Has our educated public ever heard of Social Learning Theory: The research on human Modeling and Imitation?! They certainly have, but have chosen to ignore the findings that children, and adults imitate those with power, celebrity, attractiveness, and those that most resemble themselves. Watch the media models that your children are watching and don’t be blinded by the changing norms of our so called “Post Modern Age”.

You will see just one of many examples of technology, fame and fortune trumping “old-fashioned” Judeo/Christian ethics. The costs in damaged lives is incalculable and just one of many of our own self-managment problems that is bringing America down.

A recent government study showed that fewer teens and young adults are having sex (discussed in the South Bend Tribune on March 4, 2011). Do you trust a government study, or a government report of any kind any more?

The study was based upon interviews with approximately 5,300 young people (15 yrs. to 25 yrs.). Do you wonder if 15 yr olds are likely to tell the truth about such matters in an interview? Do you think that sex between 15 year olds might be a greater concern that sex between 25 yr olds?

The study reported that those who said they never had oral, vaginal, or anal intercourse rose in the past decade from 22% to 28%. Do you wonder what the other 82% said? Again, can you imagine what a similar group would have said 50 years ago?

The article went on to say “The findings are sure to surprise some parents who see skin and lust in the media and worry that sex is rampant”. Well, Moms and Dads (Grandparents too) there is no reason for you to worry. The Government (that legalized Pornography [Miller v. California, 1973] and taxes its revenues, as well as condoms, birth control pills, and other sex problem related services) says that our bad sexual behavior is getting better.

Read more on this important topic by clicking on the following URL.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html


Also, for an in-depth analysis of the evolution of this problem, read my publication on Sexual Maladaption Contagion in Behavior and Social Issues, Volume 8, No. 2, Fall 1998.



V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 3/11/11

Virtue is Own Reward?

Virtue is Own Reward?


Virtue really can be its own reward, as it is trite to say. But for this to happen would require that virtuous behavior be repeatedly, and in many ways, reinforced by a surrounding social group. With such a history, the individual’s own actions, that the social group calls virtuous, can become learned generalized reinforcers to the behaving individual. Under these conditions the behavior of the individual actually does become self-reinforcing (its own reward). However other good outcomes caused by this behavior are likely to be delayed and unknown to the virtuous individual. This is the main reason that it is important to identify good and effective moral codes and to powerfully teach their behaviors within all sociocultures that wish to survive.

George Washington knew this and so should we all.

There exists in the economy and course of nature an indissoluble union between virtue and happiness … we ought to be no less persuaded that the propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right which Heaven itself has ordained.” –George Washington, First Inaugural Address, 1789

End of quote.

Dr. Tom

A Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB)

A Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB)


I will soon present a Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB) as my humble attempt to identify useful old and new prescriptions for evolving sociocultures that wish to avoid the chaos of rising levels of bad behavior within their populations and therefore their collective decline.

I have partitioned this code in several ways. The first section is entitled, Love, Honor, and Do. This section is one in which prescriptions are stated in terms of behaviors to do. People of faith may wish to read many of these prescriptions (taken from religious materials) as Commandments to be obeyed for the love and/or fear of God.

Those with more secular belief systems may prefer to see the prescriptions as logical rule statements for seeking happiness and avoiding pain during life on this planet. In this case, they may wish to read each one of these prescriptions as though it stated, “You will be wise to”— in front of it.

Those with a scientific perspective should look upon the following prescriptions as rule statements to be validated through further investigation and analysis.

There is actually no reason why any one individual could not view various prescriptions within the UCMB from a singular or combined perspective of any of the three listed above: God’s Rules, wise rules, and/or rules to be tested.

The three remaining classes of prescriptions are designed to cover most human interactions within their social and physical environments. They are: Do Not Harm Others; Do Not Harm Yourself; and Never Harm Children. Some may not like that these sections are stated in the form of negative prescriptions ( i.e., Do Not) . However, in the UCMB, as in teaching children and adolescents what to do to achieve rewarding outcomes and avoid painful ones, positive prescriptions by themselves can sometimes lack important specificity.

For example, parents in Florida picnicking at an inland lake may tell their children to “only play on the beach”. But this prescription would be inadequate if they did not also add: “Don’t go in the water or an alligator might eat you”.

The parent of an adolescent might enjoin their adolescent to drive the speed limit, stop at stop streets and stop lights, to watch for pedestrians, etc. But they would best be admonished; “Do not ride with someone who has been drinking. There may be death or serious injury to yourselves or others”. In most cases similar admonishments the parent’s own teen about his or her drinking and driving would also be in order.

As an adult on my sail boat with a gasoline engine, the rule “turn on the blower before you start your engine” was made much stronger by a negative statement: “Don’t start your engine before your blower or you’ll blow yourself to smiterines”.

As a Navy diver, using an Aqualung, I was trained to “breath normally as you swim to the surface”. This rule was very importantly augmented by another: “Don’t hold your breath when you swim to the surface or you will blow your lungs up and die”.

I am certain that you can provide other examples of positive rule statements that are best augmented by negative statements. There are other times when a negative rule statement implying a very unpleasant natural consequence for breaking the rule will provide the shortest, most specific, most memorable, and most effective rule: I.e., “Don’t play with fire”.

The following UCMB prescriptions each imply their own positive and negative consequences. . Complex environments appear to require greater complexity to their moral codes. The UCMB is lengthy and including the all of the anticipated consequences for following or breaking a rule would make very long indeed. The teaching of this, or another moral code, would seem best to be approached in modules, with the various implied consequences depending upon the age and maturity of the learner fully discussed, illustrated, and referenced. Whenever possible moral prescriptions should be referenced to scientific support.

To increase the probability of moral behavior within a population, a code similar to the following UCMB should be taught and encouraged in all sociocultural venues possible.

The outcome would promise great goods. Great likely harms (concerns for unintended consequences noted) are seem doubtful.

Stay tuned for the UCMB.

Wake-Up America!


Dr. Tom      1/31/11

Our Fallen Heros

Our Fallen Heros


A friend sent this video to me. It left tears in my eyes and a renewed deep gratitude for those who serve our country under hazardous circumstances.

Please view the following and pass it on to your friends.

http://www.jensensutta.com/slideshows/RTB/


VTM, 1/17/11

P.S. Thanks to Joe Grunert for sending me this video.

Last Vestiges of Self-Restraint: Sunday Carry-Out Alcohol Restrictions.

Last Vestiges of Self-Restraint: Sunday Carry-Out Alcohol Restrictions.



It is interesting to watch government control over more and more of our behavior progress in leaps and bounds. Yet, our sexual and drug consumption activities are increasingly deregulated under the guise of personal freedom.

In my view the explanation for this seemingly incongruous set of events is significantly comprised of a complex mix of our government animal’s “food deprivation” (cash) and its primal motivation to propagate (physical growth, and increasing control of its populace).

With regard to our government’s weakening the moral values and traditions of America and providing greater access to addicting substances and activities, all of this validates the need for greater governmental growth and control of the resulting troubled population behavior. In a diabolical circle of destructive forces, the legalized and expanded access to alcohol (soon other drugs), pornography, prostitution (perhaps sooner than you think), gambling, and violence in media, etc., when taxed, becomes food for the further growth and maintenance of a voracious government-animal.

Furthermore, with the decline of religiously based restraints upon immoral or unethical behavior (“concepts of Sin”, Vice” and “Blue-Laws”), free market pressures in our capitalistic economy naturally join in confluence with the government-animal as they prey upon us all for cash.

When laws against carry-out alcohol sales in Indiana are repealed, it will probably not lead to very many more alcohol problems within our population. Alcoholics can easily plan ahead to feed their addictions and adolescents have always been able to raid liquor cabinets, even on Sundays.

The problem is much larger than the loss of one of the few little examples of morally based self-control practices left in America. The loss of carry-out alcohol restrictions on Sunday will represent a mere spit-in-an-ocean of trouble caused by a historical torrent of such losses.

Dr. Tom,  12/2/2010

Don’t Even Look Like Your Doing Something Wrong!

A lot of relationships and marriages get into trouble because of opposite sex friendships. The one with the “friend”often calls, text messages, meets for lunch or dinner, or otherwise shares time with their friend of the opposite sex. They normally claim that it is “just a friendship”, but very often it is much more.

When their mate becomes worried and suspicious about the friendship, they often ask that it be ended. All too often an argument ensues. After all, it is just a friendship and the friendly mate asserts: “There is nothing going on other than we are good friends.”

All of this is very bad for marriages and other committed relationships.

Sometimes the friendly mate will relent and agree to break the outside friendship off. But the worried partner is left with suspicions and they often resort to checking the phone, text, or email messages. When they find that the “friendship” is still going on, the problem reaches crisis proportions. Then the extended families of the participants begin to weigh-in on the issues and the whole matter “goes viral”, so to speak. What a mess!

I have found that in most of these situations, the problem is not a friendship, it is an affair. Many marriages and committed relationships will not survive this problem and that is a tragedy when children are involved. To compound the problem, such “friendships tend not to last (for obvious reasons) when the devious “friends” marry or enter their own committed relationship. There are very few reasons to expect otherwise.

In the minority of cases, such problem friendships may only be friendships. If such a relationship creates problems for you and your spouse or committed partner, it is time for you to think straight. It will not work and someone has got to go. As the saying goes: “You will not be able have your cake and eat it too”.

My Dad once told me, “If you want to stay out of trouble: Don’t even look like you are doing something wrong!”

Dad was right.

Dr. Tom 8/27/10

Ivar Lovass and The Treatment Of Autism

Ivar Lovass and The Treatment Of Autism


I received the following today. For families with autistic children, Ivar Lovass was a God-Send. He was a young and well-know researcher in the field of Applied Behavior Analysis when I began my training. It is very sad to know that he has passed away. Please read this short memorial.


Dear Tom:


"At 6 PM on August the 2nd, 2010, Professor Emeritus O. Ivar Løvaas, Ph.D., passed away quietly after a long battle with illness. He was surrounded by his closest family. There will be an official memorial service at the University of California, Los Angeles later this month." Dr. Doreen Granpeesheh, Executive Director, Center for Autism and Related Disorders, Inc.

Unfortunately, Løvaas had had Alzheimer's for the last few years. He was recovering from surgery for a broken hip and got an infection that caused his death.

Few have had Løvaas' impact on the field of behavior analysis, demonstrating the power of behavior analysis to so significantly improve the quality of life of so many people. Little in behavior analysis, or in psychology, has had the real impact of the behavioral interventions he started and that have been replicated and expanded upon by so many other behavior analysts. He showed that if you're willing to do what it takes, up to 40 hours per week of intensive training for at least a couple years, you can help young children with autism greatly improve their lives. And this has almost as powerful an effect on the lives of the children's families. And also on the lives of the tutors and behavior analysts who have the privilege of using behavior analysis to help those children and their families. The field of behavior analysis and the Association for Behavior Analysis International owe a great debt to Ivar Løvaas, his students, and the many researchers and practitioners who have followed his path and who have branched off on related paths of their own.

With Regret,
Association for Behavior Analysis International

No Friends Like Old Friends

No Friends Like Old Friends

So there they were….about one hundred of them. Many no longer resembled those friends and acquaintances that I had known as a teenager, but they were there…and what a glorious bunch they were! They were my classmates from my 1960 high school graduation class.

Some of them still resembled the emotional and behavioral beings that I had known 50 years ago, but something was marvelously different. Each, in their own unique way had been transformed by a lifetime of events largely unknown to me.

Our times together were at an informal gathering the evening before our dinner at a bar and bowling alley which was popular in our home town of St. Joseph, Michigan in the 1960′s. The next day we enjoyed a luncheon at our high school and a tour through halls that we had not seen for 50 years. We were proud to be the first class to graduate from our then brand new high school. The city of St. Joseph had done a great job of expanding and maintaining this impressive facility. As we toured our school many visions long forgotten were instantaneously familiar. This was an object lesson in the psychology of human memory. Finally, there was the dinner with an evening program full of wonderful reminiscences. All arranged by a small corps of loyal and caring classmates who had dutifully planned and executed similar reunions, nearly every five years since our graduation.

But this was our 50th reunion and it eclipsed all of the others. It was a magical time and it was exclusively comprised of well seasoned and aged human beings who had become some of the best specimens that humanity can achieve. A few formerly clicky and aloof teen girls were now kind and thoughtful women who went out of their way to reach out to former Geeks and wallflowers. The lofty athletic heros, from one-half a century ago, warmly welcomed and conversed with the guys who had never gained high status and popularity in high school. Some of the men and women who were formerly shy, quiet and retiring were smiling, laughing, and talking with classmates they may never have spoken to in high school. Everyone treated everyone with remarkable kindness and everyone appeared to give and to receive an uncommon measure of love and respect.

These people were the survivors of our class. Sadly, 27 of our former classmates were known to have died during the intervening years. We were haunted by their memories as each of their names were read aloud, with caring and respect.

I believe that we were each aware that everyone there had somehow managed to overcome life’s disappointments, sorrows, and personal tragedies. More importantly, they had found their way back through time, to the birth-place of their former insecurities and the beginning of their adult adventures, trials and tribulations. And there they were: Each with a grace, dignity, and kindness which all-to-often comes only with the passage and survival of countless events in time.

These are my lasting memories of my 50th high school class reunion.

But there was one more. It was the deafening roar, stronger than ever before, of the proud and ferocious athletic chant of the St. Joseph High School Fighting Bears. It was a roar that had built within this group of survivors for five decades and it rattled the walls and windows and sent spirits soaring as never before! It was a perfect way to end a surreal and precious evening with loved ones from a distant past.

I hope you will consider attending your next reunion. It may be one of the most heartwarming events of your life.

Tom Mawhinney, 8/7/10
St. Joseph High School Class of 1960

Verbal Abuse: Don't Take It!

Verbal Abuse: Don't Take It!

I will guarantee you that a steady diet of verbal abuse from a spouse, parent, or anyone is a major problem.

Over time verbal abuse has the ability to reduce people to depressed, fearful, and anxious individuals who have little respect for themselves or their value as human beings. I too often see individuals so stressed by years of verbal abuse (profane, ridiculing, or enraged statements about how useless, stupid, incompetent, ugly, fat or crazy they are) that they also develop physical symptoms of sickness that are very hard to treat because the symptoms are both psychological and physiological in origin.

Without question chronic verbal abuse can destroy both mental and physical health. It can even kill or maim when it leads to self destructive acts like drug or alcohol abuse or dependency, or even suicide.

If you are being verbally (or it should go without saying, Physically)abused, get professional help immediately and with help, stop the abusive treatment of yourself and/or your children in one way or another.

With help, it is common for those who have escaped abuse to report that for the first time, in a very long time, they are happy and feel good about themselves and their future.

Abuse: Don't Take It! Get Free and discover the strong and competent person that you are!

Dr. Tom

Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals and Their Medical Marijuana

Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals and Their Medical Marijuana

I have been waiting several weeks to write this. I have let the anger subside so I might write more clearly and with less profanity.

Yes, I know high English and am better than most at it. But I was also in the Navy and I have mastered some rather pointed alternative ways of expressing myself. I will spare you that, minus my use of my best Navy descriptor for proponents of medical marijuana as it now exists in at least three states, including Michigan: You Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals.

You may know that I am a retired professor of psychology and I am in private practice three days per week. I see 20 to 30 “people with problems” each week. I have done this for well over thirty years and about the time that I think I have seen it all, reality gives me a swift kick in the pants with a new and painful lesson.

The mother brought me her 14 year-old-boy because he and friends had beaten-up another kid and taken his book bag. He had been identified and turned over to the juvenile authorities and was put on probation. He was required to undergo counseling.

The boy was very friendly, bright, and articulate. I judged that he was above average intelligence–though his grades were failing in school and his attendance was poor. It was my first session with the boy and so I worked to build rapport with him and I thought that things had gone very well. The ground-work for future therapeutic gains had been laid.

About two weeks later the mother brought him back to me. She reported that the boy had “dropped dirty for marijuana” in his urine test at the probation office.

The boy, so friendly and reasonable the session before, sat in my office with a cocky smirk on his face. I asked “what were you thinking, are you looking to do jail time ?” Now sullen, with a give-a-crap attitude (oops, gosh, didn’t mean to say that), he said, “I don’t care–that’s not up to me.”

The 14-yr-old boy went on to lecture me that marijuana was legal. He explained that it is legal in three states because it was good for your joints, muscles and good for bronchitis.

I sat amazed, as I asked him where he heard all of that. He laughed at me and said, “The streets talk to Me”.

I told him that there was no reason for us to talk anymore and that I would leave it to others to help him understand how “the courts will now talk to him”. I did not have a client in the room, he did not admit to a problem and he did not wish to improve a problem. I could have taken Medicaid money for months. But like the old fogey I am, I asked him to leave and not come back. He asked me to sign a document for his probation officer saying he attended counseling. I reluctantly did so. There was no area for comments on my part.

I talked to his caring mother, who agreed that it was time for a higher level of intervention for him.

Later, I wrote his probation officer and explained that the 14-year-old boy would need legal sanctions taken against him, that counseling would be of no benefit until he acquired a “felt need” to change his thinking and actions (just between you and me, this probably will not work either).

Thanks! You dumb-assed progressive liberals who have used the current iteration of “legalized medical marijuana” in order to take another step in the direction of totally legalized marijuana (and other drugs), so you can stay high.

You have helped to destroy the life of another Mother’s child in America so that you can cop a buzz. You self-centered, hedonistic, bunch of sociopaths.

Dr. Tom 6/8/10

Check Your Children’s Textbooks!

Check Your Children’s Textbooks!

Be sure to check your children’s school books to be sure that the intentions of our Founding Fathers are explained there. Also be certain that the profound sacrifices of our patriots and fighting forces are noted, as well as the stunning artistic, technological, military educational, civil, and humanitarian accomplishments of our great democratic society: the United States of America.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.

This quote is forwarded from the Patriotpost:

“Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom.” –John Adams, Defense of Constitutions, 1787

To subscribe to Founder’s Quote Daily and The Patriot Post, link to http://patriotpost.us/subscribe/.

The Public Bush-hack!

The Public Bush-Whack!

I frequently find that clients in marriage therapy ridicule, criticise, or put each other down in social settings. Later, when the offended partner brings the matter up in private a heated argument often ensues.

The dynamics of the public bush-whack are interesting.

1. When the public bush-whack occurs, it may be taken as a form of sarcastic teasing by witnesses and may not harm the social relationships. Or if there is harm it may be hard for the offending individual or couple to detect. Therefore, there may be no consequences to the self-defeating practice of publicly bush-whacking a mate and it may continue unabated.

2. When the mate complains to their partner about the incident, the offender can play it off as, "you're just over sensitive and making mountains out of mole hills". This allows a double insult: one in public and another in private ("you just have a problem with sensitivity").

3. The bush-whack works well for the offender who is basically passive-aggressive. Such an individual does not like a direct fight or argument. They prefer to "get-even" for their quietly accumulated grievances against their partner in more subtle ways. For them the public bush-whack is just the ticket! Of course, it is a very bad practice because it solves nothing, creates more problems, and increases hostility in the relationship.

4. Sometimes the offender actually likes to fight! It may be hard for you to believe, but some folks want and prefer to have great fights in their relationships. With this dynamic, the offender may be paired with a partner who also likes to fight...and so, they are "off to the races"! Sometimes, however, the bushwhacker is paired with a passive partner who avoids conflict whenever he or she can. In this case the offender has found a great tool for suckering their peaceful partner into a fight. Even peaceful people can become righteously indignant when they have been publicly humiliated by the bush-whack. When the victim protests later in private, the bush-whacker can then work the confrontation into a full-blown fight. Mission accomplished!

In relationships, the public bush-whack is both a self-destructive communication style and a devious way to initiate a fight.

If there is a lot of bush-whacking in your relationship, you had better seek professional help before it is too late.

God Bless, Dr. Tom
5/20/10

Look-Out For The "Blind-Side" Divorce

Look-out For The Blind-Side Divorce

My client is depressed and discheveled: He or she is in a lot of shock and pain. I have seen this situation over and over again for 30 years.

The person tells me that they "never saw it coming" and now, suddenly, their mate's "mind is made-up" and they are leaving. All too often there is little to be done except help the blind-sided individual cope as effectively as they can.

There are many reasons for the blind-side break-up or divorce.

One frequent reason is that the departing loved one has found someone else to love. Sometimes the blindsided one did the same thing. Occasionally this is because someone has issues with loyalty. More often the dying relationship had an affair because it had been dying for years, it had grown increasingly empty and one (or both) did nothing to save it.

Often, what has happened is that one or both members of a couple (married or not)have stopped making the other person a priority in their lives, they stopped telling and showing, in countless ways, how special the other person is and how much they love them. They have stopped being friends and taking time to plan fun things and play together. These things can happen to a once good relatinship for many reasons.

Finally, there is mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse/addiction, and physical or emotional abuse.

The fact is that loving and caring feelings and emotions in a relationship can wither and die-out if not fed and nurtured. This degenerative process can progress beyond the point where many people are unwilling to work to repair their relationship.

Fail to deal effectively with any of these problems and growing resentment, anger and disgust, along with the belief that nothing will ever change, can destroy your relationship. This process is often slow and insidious and it can take years to develop.

Look for signs of trouble and talk them over. Listen to feedback from trusted friends and loved-ones. Act earlier rather than later, acting earlier is symbolic of your love, acting too late is frequently symbolic of fear and dependency. Seek the assistance of a Ph.D. level psychologist experienced in relationship counseling. Personality testing is often very helpful to this process.

Look-out for the blind-side divorce and the great damage it can do to families and their children.

God Bless, Dr. Tom
4/24/10