Life Coping Skills with Dr. Tom

The Psychology of Separation and Divorce: Know and Limit The Damages!

2012-02-02T14:48:00.001-08:00

The Psychology of Separation and Divorce: Know and Limit The Damages!

I have been in practice for 33 years and I have experienced well over 100 separations and divorces. I have worked with both the children and the adults involved. It is very difficult work. I will warn you that it is much more difficult to watch the damage of separation and divorce among the people you love and are emotionally attached to.

I will recommend that you do your best to avoid separation or divorce by entering therapy sessions with a skilled and experienced marriage counselor. I do not advise that you let serious relationship problems continue for long periods without resolution, thinking that they will not affect your children adversely. They most probably will be harmful to your children.

If a divorce or separation is inevitable, a good marriage counselor will be able to help you to minimize the damages to your children.

In all such matters maximizing benefits and minimizing harm to yourselves and to your children should be your main focus: Both in the short and in the long-run.

The following are some of the problems that occur when children are involved in separations or divorces. It is your responsibility to decide if any of these damaging events are happening within your own family and what you will do about them.

The Kids:

1. Kids often act-out to gain the attention they miss because parents are angry, depressed and withdrawn. Their bad behavior not only gets them attention, but it brings mom and dad together to solve the problems. This reinforces the kids’s bad behavior and often adds to the conflict between their parents. Things get worse.

2. They often obsessively immerse themselves in activities that take their minds of the misery that they see and feel in their home. Music, video games, friends, sex, drugs, rock and role, self-abuse, etc. (Much like adults do when they are depressed and anxious).

3. Each kid’s personality is different, so each is likely to develop their own unique problems. One may become hyper-involved in pleasing others, giving love and affection, trying to make others happy, taking responsibility for trying to stabilize things...being inauthentic. Another may just withdraw and become mute and emotionally blunted. Another may become the angry oppositional one. In rare cases, some will consider suicide. Children often suffer depression, school under- achievement, anger problems, concentration and memory problems. If they are being treated for ADHD, it is likely to grow worse and their medications may need to be adjusted. They may need counseling and medication for depression.

4. Many develop some method to escape the bad vibes or feelings in their house. They may stay away with friends, stay out after curfew, and in other ways withdraw and become unavailable.

5. Kids often take sides in parental conflict and this further damages them and the family, even after separation or divorce. They can become alienated from not only one, or both parents, but also from one set, or both sets of the grandparents, and other extended family members involved.

6. Kids sometimes become overly attached to one parent or both parents, at the expense of their own social and emotional development. They become the male or female nurse for a parent and their emotional care-taker.

7. When the father withdraws from the family, both sexes (but more often the boys) attempt to dominate the mother. This causes the father to take the role of the disciplinarian and then the parents frequently fight over the father’s more stronger disciplinary style. This teaches children how to get parents sidetracked into fights and gives greater control to the children. This can increase in severity until the that child or adolescent is thought to need to live with the father, or outside authorities need to become involved.

8. Once the separation or divorce has happened, kids frequently play one parent against the other to get what they want. This probably was already happening, but it can intensify after the split. Kids tend to take advantage of a lack of communication and the conflict problems between parents.

9. Kids often side with the parent who is the most fun, who’s rules are more lax, who have more money and who buys them more things, etc. Sounds bad, I know, but even good kids are naturally self-centered under some conditions.

10. They often request to live at the fun house and avoid the disciplined house. They may try to switch back and forth as the parents get tired of their actions and begin to clamp down on them.

11. Much of the damage done to children will only be seen in the future, when they enter their own relationships. Too often the psychological deficits present in their family of origin play-out like a video tape in their own new family lives. Sometimes the trauma of their parent’s problems cause them to be anxious and reticent about committing to solidify intimate relationships of their own.

All of these things either brings their parents together to cope with the problems (this can reinforce the problems and thereby worsen them) or it causes more conflict between everyone (this worsens the problems).

The parents:

1. Parents dealing with the stresses of a dysfunctional marriage often turn to drugs, sex, alcohol, gambling, or outside relationships, to emotionally cope (blunt, distract, escape or avoid) their distress.

2. Frequently a "third party" enters the equation. It can be an actual sexual affair or only an emotional attachment which involves a fantasy of how "wonderful it could be with someone else". An actual affair, or a fantasy, is devastating for several reasons. Nothing old and troubled can compare with new "love" and it is difficult for a troubled reality to compete with a fantasy. When an affair occurs individuals frequently emotionally invest heavily in it, because if they do not it is easy to feel it was a "cheap and unprincipled"to do. If they see it as "true love", "special", "legitimate", "wonderful" and "meant to be", it eases the conscience for many.

However, the facts are, these relationships, started during a troubled marriage, most often do not work out after the separation or divorce occurs. Approximate divorce rates are 50% for the first marriage, high 60's for the second and 74% for the third marriage.

Subsequent marriages (or cohabitations) are less likely to work than the first one, because adults commonly do not change what it is about themselves that contributed to the ruination of their past relationships. The additional strains of new step children, remaining responsibilities to their biological children, the new mate’s increasingly revealed imperfections, conflict with extended family members and unresolved ex-spouse/partner problems all contribute to these negative outcomes.

3. Separated or Divorced parents frequently bring new (or old) lovers into the lives of their children. Emotional attachments are formed between these individuals and the children and the children are again damaged when that relationship falls apart, which it is most likely to do.

Also, it is critical for parents to know that children are statistically at greater risk for sexual and physical abuse from step parents than from biological parents.

4. Parents often times vilify each other to their children. They can do this in very subtle ways by showing disdain, disgust, and other negative attitudes to their mate, or while making reference to them. Parents often tell their children the about the bad things the other has done. This "splits" the kids and can cause them to not only turn against the other parent, but also each other as they take sides in the conflict. When parent spit their anger and hatred through the children to their mate, it poisons the children. The outcome of all of this is now referred to as Parental Alienation Syndrom.

5. Parents can begin to use the children as their emotional support system, sharing physical and emotional intimacies that they should not. This burdens their children with adult problems and demands that they cannot understand, solve or meet. While many children do the best they can to take care of their parents it eventually takes its toll and can cause them to feel increasing anxiety, fear, worry, and a growing sense of incompetency.

6. When parents don’t communicate, they place their children in the role of the "go-between communicator" and peace-keeper or negotiator. In this role, no matter what the children do, they loose. They are forced to be a mouth-piece to try to keep peace and it never works. They are stressed to the max by being forced into this roll and this eventually shows in their own maladjustment.

7. Children are ego-centric by nature. So it is normal that when things go bad in their family that they will assume too much personal responsibility for the various problems. It may not be something that they readily admit to, but they often have negative judgements and feelings about themselves, as a result. This is another important reason to for the adults and children in troubled, separating, or divorcing families to get professional help.

8. Parents often develop negative attitudes toward the child or children who remind them the most of their mate. They may consciously or unconsciously mistreat that child as a result. They may also develop negative expectations of the child or children which then become reality, as a result.

9. Parents often purposefully mistreat a child because they think the child is an Ally of the other parent. In some cases, this may be true. But problems are compounded when a parent takes retribution on the child.

10. Parents often put their children in "no-win" situations by making them choose between one parent or the other ("Would you rather go with me or him/her"?; "How do you like my new boyfriend/girlfriend"?, etc.). No matter the choice, the child risks disappointing one or the other parent.

11. When separation or divorce happens each parent loses some, much, or nearly all of the practical support of the other ("help me", "do it", "get it", "fix it", "mow it", "shovel it, take it/me/ or them somewhere", etc.). This is a major stressor for both the adults and the children.

12. When separation or divorce happens, generally the female is the custodial parent. The female and the children then commonly experience an economic loss. This loss can "freeze" the children at a lower socioeconomic level, or cause them to drop into near poverty circumstances. All parties are hurt by the economic losses involved. Often, kids attach to new peers with lower expectations and values that do not lead to higher education and greater economic/social opportunities.

13. The recovery of damaged relationships between mates is often compounded by the fact that committing to work hard to improve their situation is inhibited by fear of failure. If a mate makes a commitment to try again to appreciate and give their love to their partner, their heart may again be broken and their hopes and dreams of a happy life together may again be dashed. These are normal fears and insecurities that often defeat individual’s motivation to save troubled marriages and families before serious efforts to do so even begin.

14. Most sadly, sometimes one or both adults are unable to bring themselves to make the difficult decision of ending their relationship, so they consciously or unconsciously increase the conflict in their relationship to greater and greater levels. This way they destroy what is left of their relationship without having ever to take responsibility for making the decision to do so in a rational manner.

Couples who go to an experienced therapist (experienced with both children and adults in marital stress), absolutely can resolve many issues, and live more happily than ever. It takes hard work and dedication, but the rewards are great. About 75 percent who do counseling report improved relationships and about 65 percent report significantly improved relationships.

I have also seen parents who separate, finally reconsider, and return to work-on and to improve their marriage, but it does not happen often.

I have also seen parents divorce, but in doing so, get counseling from a marriage counselor experienced with both adults and children. In doing so, they have minimized to the greatest extent possible, the damaging consequences of that outcome. Children are shaken and confused by the massive changes in their lives. They are afraid of what will come. It is important to sit with a professional and determine when and how you will discuss all that is happening with them. They need to have resolution even more than you do.

Whatever your outcome, I hope that you will seek experienced professional guidance together as you make your very big and difficult decisions and seek the best outcomes available for you and your loved ones.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom, 2/2/12

Depression: An Equal Opportunity Destroyer

2011-11-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

Depression: An Equal Opportunity Destroyer

October 31, 2011 by vtmawhinney

Depression: An Equal Opportunity: How to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones From Depression
V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D., Indiana University Professor Emeritus of Psychology
Behavioral Psychological Family Services

Why ProfessionalEvaluation and Treatment is Essential
There are many reasons why people suffering from depression need a professional evaluation and treatment. As we will discuss, the depressed person will be incapacitated in ways that impair their ability to maintain social, love, family, and vocational
relationships. It can also destroy their health. What is less obvious, however, is that depression is highly contagious. It negatively affects others who are in contact with the depressed person in many complex ways.

From a Pavlovian perspective, the damaging symptoms of depression are repeatedly associated with the depressed person’s image, voice, mannerisms and other actions. Depression is aversive (unpleasant) to others associated with the depressed person. So, over time, the presence of the depressed person causes negative feelings in those exposed to him or her; toward him or her…even if the depressed person is trying to change their ways. This is a big and dangerous disadvantage to try to overcome without help.

Depression can cause people to be intensely drawn to things that make them feel better. These are often the behaviors that lead to intense feelings (drugs, tobacco, alcohol, gambling, sexual and vicarious activities such as sports and pornography). Depression normally kills sexual desire for one’s partner. With major depression the sex drive is often one of the first things to go and it is one of the last to come back, but with proper treatment it can come back.

Depression affects family members because, while the depressed person is coping with depression and doing things that make them feel better, they often spend less and less time giving loving and caring support and involvement to their families. This not only affects the spouse, but the children feel it too, and they can all reflect this influence in bad ways. Spouses move away emotionally and children begin to do whatever it takes to gain the attention and support that they need from their unavailable and/or depressed parents. Often times children fail to gain attention using positive methods, so they begin to misbehave. Bad behavior in children usually will cause the depressed parent to “come out of their shell” with anger and punishment, often lashing out, out-of-proportion to the problem. Children would rather be abused than ignored, so they behave badly more and the depressed parent abuses more and this becomes a vicious destructive downward cycle (declining grades, dropping-out of school and sports, drugs, delinquent behavior, and alienation from parents). Many of these problems relate to operant conditioning. For example, depressed parents may spend a lot of time criticizing and yelling at their children’s bad behavior. They often think they are “punishing” the behavior when they are actually positively reinforcing it. In this way, parents often teach their children to do the bad behaviors they wish to diminish.

Parents are strong models for children to imitate. All of the depressed symptoms that a parent shows are in great danger of being imitated by them (anger, withdrawal, addictions, excitement craving, etc.)

The problems that are worsened in children as a result of parental depression then increase the level of stress on the marriage in the form of further arguments about child related problems. If the depressed person overreacts in discipline it is common for the other parent to become a protector rather than a partner in sensible discipline strategies. This resultsin more arguing/fighting between the parents. The children often then learn that when there is fighting between theparents, they are in charge and not the parents. It can become an unconscious, or a conscious, strategy that children can over-learn as a way to divide and neutralize parental authority and gain their own forms immature and destructive control in these situations. Kids are not evil. Even normal, formerly well-behaved children, can quickly learn to exploit the weaknesses cause by parental depression. All of this further poisons the marriage.

If untreated, this very complicated depression contagion can destroy relationships. Sadly, and
mistakenly, the people involved simply think they have “fallen out of love” with each other. Most often, they did not fall out of love! Depression destroyed the feelings of love that they once had for each other. It is a tragedy that, for some, this relationship damage can get to the point-of-no-return pretty quickly.

With the rapid detection of depression and effective treatment, the destruction of families can be avoided.
With hard work and dedication, even badly damaged families can recover.

Depression can destroy health

The corticosteroids associated with chronic stress (relationships, work or the lack of work, financial problems and the economy, etc.) eat up norepinephrine and serotonin which, when low, appear to lead to symptoms of depression. Unfortunately, corticosteroids, when present in increased amounts for long periods of time then also weaken the immune system. This lays the depressed individual open to nagging sickness and perhaps even the bigger health problems (heart disease and cancer, etc.). Also, the many bad feelings and bad social and vocational outcomes associated with depression can lead to suicidal thinking and actions. Depression which derives from chronic stress and resulting chemistry changes in one’s body qualifies as a disease. It is a host of fundamental biological changes that destroy the health and/or welfare of the person who has it, and through social interaction, these damaging influences are passed on to those around them. For this reason it is appropriate to call depression contagious, whether it is a learned behavior pattern or a biochemical disease.

Fortunately, Depression is a Very Treatable Disease.
The facts are that there are several things that people can do to help themselves with mild to moderate depression (exercise, eating right, reducing stress, avoiding drugs and alcohol, relaxation/meditation, and thinking positive, etc), but with major depression medication is a very important ingredient to success. Try as they may most people in a deep clinical depression simply cannot pull themselves out of it. They may come-out of it naturally after an extended
time, but by then they often have done great damage to their family, friends, and vocations because of their failure to attack and manage their depression. No matter how strong the depressed person is, their spouse, children and others may not be able to “ride out the storm”.

For those who will make war on their depression and attack it with all of their might, and with medical technology if necessary, there is reason to hope for a good outcome.

There are several kinds of depression but they have many symptoms in common. It is very important that you learn to recognize what depression looks like in yourself and others and to understand how it feels to be depressed. The benefits of this knowledge to you and your loved ones will be many:

•You can identify basic early warning signs in yourself and loved ones and catch depression before it damages
precious relationships.
•You can be more understanding and supportive of those who suffer from depression.

•You will know the reasons why it is important to get professional assistance early when depression
strikes.
•You will know some of the things to say to help people overcome their reluctance to get professional help for
their depression.
•You may be able to prevent educational failure, job loss, or the destruction of a marriage or other loving
relationships caused by depression.
•You may be able to prevent the problems of drug or alcohol abuse (or other addictions) that are often
associated with depression.
•You may be able to prevent the child and adolescent problems associated with parental depression such as
oppositional/ defiant behavior, school under-achievement and discipline problems, dropping out, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual acting out, juvenile delinquency, child/adolescent depression, and suicidal thinking or actions.
•You may be able to prevent a suicide and the damage that it can cause within families, through
generations.
•Depression is highly contagious. You may be able to prevent the spread of the negative effects of
your depression to family members and other loved ones.
•Sooner or later, you will need this information for yourself, a loved one or a friend. This knowledge is an essential tool for success in modern life.

It is a fact that around the world, in all developing societies, depression and anxiety disorders are increasing in rate of occurrence. Researchers speculate that causes may be increasing population density, mobility, the complex demands of living with technology, the splitting up of families, and more. Whatever the factors are, increasing rates of depression in our lives is a fact of life and to know its signs and what to do about it is a modern-life survival tool that we all need to have.

The Symptoms of Depression in Adults

There are many symptoms of depression and an individual may not show all of the symptoms at any one time. Furthermore, the symptoms among adults can be different from those of adolescents. To complicate things further, the symptoms of adolescents can differ from those of younger children.
It is important to understand that while the symptoms that follow may indicate depression, other physical and psychological disorders can produce some of these symptoms. Therefore, when any of the following symptoms occur with a significant duration or magnitude to cause problems in coping and living, it is essential to obtain a medical examination. If there are no medical problems, or if medical problems are treated but the symptoms of depression persist, I recommend that a Ph.D. level psychologist skilled in Behavior Therapy be consulted for an assessment and possible treatment. Significantly diminished energy, low motivation. feeling weak and tired

Changed sleep patterns: trouble going to sleep, frequent awakening, waking-up in the early morning hours
Poor memory, concentration problems
Slow, fuzzy or confused thinking
Compulsive over-eating with significant weight gain or loss of appetite and significant weight loss
Feelings of sadness, tearfulness
Loss of ability to feel pleasure
Social withdrawal/isolation
Defensive, peevish, irritable, argumentative
Increased temper displays, emotional blow-ups or outbursts
Increased anxiety
Excessive worry
Feelings of guilt, feelings of worthlessness
Blaming othersIncreased physical ills (Ill feelings, head aches, back aches, other pains or physical problems)
Loss of patience
Hopelessness
Tearfulness
Thoughts of suicide, suicide plans or attempts
Marital problems

The bright side!

Depression is one of the most common and easily treated problems. It normally takes several weeks to feel the good effects. Sometimes people begin to feel better right away. This can occur when the depressed person defines their problem clearly, develops a plan to attack it, and then enacts the plan. When the good effects come they normally are:

More energy
Better sleep
Better memory and concentration
Clearer thinking
Reduction in over-eating (if that is the problem) or an increase in appetite if that is the problem.
More smiles and laughter
Less temper displays- fewer blow-ups or outbursts
Less anxiety
More confidence, relief from feelings of worthlessness
Fewer feelings of guilt
Less blaming others
Fewer bodily ills (head
aches, other pains)
Greater patience
Less petty bickering, less blaming others
Thoughts of suicide diminish, or disappear (if they were there)
More comfortable with self-inspection and self-correction
If marriage counseling is needed to recover from the effects of one or two parents in a family becoming depressed, medication normally significantly increases the probability of success.
More feelings of affection and understanding towards others

Close to 70% of those who take medication report significant improvement in their symptoms. For those that do not, a different medication (there are many) will normally be helpful.
Individuals usually benefit from 6 mo. to one-year of medication assistance, after which (if they are fortunate) they may never need the medication again. A small percent of depressed individuals may need to be on medication for the rest of
their lives.

When Medication Is Needed, It Should Be Combined With Therapy
Medication alone can be helpful. But, medication plus counseling by a good therapist
increases the odds of a good outcome even more substantially. Counseling in the form of Cognitive Therapy is very effective. It is focused upon how to behave and think in ways that diminish depression, how to repair damages cause by depression, how to avoid future depressions, how to see them coming, and how to respond correctly if and
when depression ever threatens again.

Get help with your depression or that of your loved ones.

For Those With Depression, There Are Good Reasons To Hope That The Best Is Yet To Come!

A Narcissism Epidemic in America?

2011-07-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

A Narcissism Epidemic in America?

A friend recently loaned me the book “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement”, By Jean M Twenge, Ph.D. and W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D. This 2009 book was published by the Free Press, New York, NY.

As a practicing psychologist, I was interested in this book, the title of which fits with my experience as an observer of American Culture and as a behavior therapist. I know, all too intimately, the havoc wreaked in society and its families by the human behavior patterns called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I also recall my last fifteen years as a professor dealing with the deteriorating quality of student academic performance and behavior. Increasingly, I felt like I was teaching high school classes. Discipline problems in the form of students flirting and talking with each other; disruptive late arrivals and early departures; cell phone shenanigans; students not studying and then being sullen or angry about poor grades. It became necessary to develop a course point bonus and loss system in order to manage my larger classes. With rare exception, smaller and more advanced classes remained a joy to teach. I truly miss the challenge and excitement of these advanced classes. I am delighted to no longer have to deal with the increasing proportions of the disrespectful, self-centered, irresponsible narcissistic-like ”riff-raff” in my larger service classes.

It is critical to understand the definition Narcissism. If you think that what follows is an “academic” exercise, you are wrong. You really need to be able to identify these behaviors patterns. If you are unlucky enough to get involved with a narcissistic personality disordered individual in business or your personal life, you will suffer in ways that most non-professionals are unable to imagine. When it comes to human relationships: Caveat Emptor (Let the buyer beware).

There is no better source for the definition than the following:

Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need
for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in
a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g.,
exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior
without commensurate achievements)

(3) believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be
understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or
institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable
expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his
or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage
of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify
with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are
envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or
attitudes

From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994, American Psychiatric Association.

The book, Narcissism Epidemic, provides credible research evidence that narcissistic personality patterns have increased within America’s population at an accelerating rate.

From my own perspective, this book provides a ton of anecdotal evidence in its attempt to illustrate the rise of narcissism in America. If this was the only support for their argument, its believability would suffer. However, the authors also provide a sufficient amount of research evidence to make their case and the abundance of anecdotes simply underscore the validity of their own and other’s research findings.

However, I have one area of respectful disagreement with authors Twenge and Campbell. They explain that insecurity, low-self-esteem, or a “deep-seated sense of shame”, as a cause for what has traditionally been called narcissistic Personality Disorder is wrong. Instead, they argue that such behavior patterns are taught through over-indulgent, worshipful, and effusively non-contingently praising parenting styles. In my professional experience, both of these general avenues can lead to the formation of narcissistic behavior patterns. I have seen strong narcissism in too many neglected, abandoned and abused individuals to reject these experiences as contributing causes.

The following is a very good summary of the main points of the book, “The Narcissism Epidemic”.

Please take the time to learn about this reflection of, and contribution to, America’s decline. Learn what the contributing factors appear to be and then, behave accordingly!

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2009/04/21/narcissism-epidemic-why-there-are-so-many-narcissists-now

Dr. Tom

Independence Day 1911: God Bless The USA!

2011-07-04T05:43:00.000-07:00

Independence Day 1911: God Bless The USA!

I admit that I am a patriot. And I remember the dawning days of political correctness when it first caused me emotional discomfort to make that statement. As I now watch those forces that first made it difficult for me to confess my patriotism destroy my culture I will no longer be silent.

It is now a matter of the survival of our way of life. Our liberty is in its greatest peril since WWII. The forces of our defeat and decline are gathering strength within our own borders, within our own government, and from many Radical Islamic enclaves around the world. It is now us, or it is them who will be defeated; and we had better damn-well make sure that it is them!

I hope you will view this 4th of July as a time to rise up and arm yourselves with the most powerful weapon at your disposal: Your vote. Attack the forces of our undoing with your vote!

Vote for traditional Judeo/Christian and other compatible religious values. Vote-out the lying,cheating, reprobate politicians. Vote for term limits to help protect against future waves of corruption. Do it in 2012, it is likely to be your last chance.

Now see and enjoy these two powerful patriotic videos. The forces of our undoing have been using bad propaganda to damage us since the 1960′s. Lets enjoy some good propaganda as we strengthen ourselves for the political fight of our lives!

“God Bless The USA”, a moving musical tribute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2rDCnr0eYc&feature=related

Astonishing 9 year-old sings our National Anthem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRI9fEqPm7Q&feature=related

Dr. Tom, July 4, 2011

2011-06-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Father’s Day: But Don’t Forget!
Happy Father’s Day: But don’t forget your wonderful ladies. We couldn’t have done it without them!
God’s Blessings to America’s loving and dedicated fathers.

Dr. Tom

Tags:

Memorial Day: USA

2011-05-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day: USA

My friend, John R. Hundley III, sent me the following letter about this Nation’s yearly Memorial Day. I found his family tradition and the sad story of his younger sister’s fallen son-at-arms to be highly compelling. It is also a very inspirational story at many levels.
I hope you will appreciate this true story and also, please do not fail to watch the video at the end.
V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 5/27/11

P.S. I cannot correct the spacing problems in the first paragraph. This is a problem with Word Press, or maybe my lack of skill with this medium, not the original letter.
The following is the letter and the video.

Tom: I read your latest e-mail message about the upcoming Memorial Day with
interest. My younger sister, Nancy Hecker, edited and published a book
entitled, “Lost Hero’s Art Quilt”, to accompany this work of art. Her son,
Major William F. Hecker III, was killed in action in Iraq by a road side bomb in
January 5, 2006. He is one of the fifty fallen soldiers depicted in the Lost
Hero’s Art Quilt – one from each state. Over the past two years, the Lost Hero’s
Art Quilt has been displayed in a number of state capitols throughout the United
States. My sister said that involvement in this project has provided healing
and comfort to many of those involved.

My nephew, Major William F. Hecker, III, was a 1991 graduate of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. He later received a graduate degree in English and taught English composition at West Point for three years before being assigned to Iraq. Before leaving for Iraq, he wrote a book on the military’s influence on Edgar Allen Poe and was on his way toward a goal of becoming a permanent member of the West Point faculty.
He left behind a widow and four children. In accordance with his last wishes,
he is buried at West Point.

My brother-in-law, William F. Hecker, Jr. is also a West Point graduate. His second son, Marine Captain John Hecker, is currently one of the Blue Angels. My nephew’s cousin, Adam Hecker, producted a video about the Lost Hero’s Art Quilt which can be found on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW9Wra3B7pA
.

Memorial Day/ Holy Day

2011-05-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day/ Holy Day

I am a veteran, but I have failed to do something that is very important.

On Memorial Day I often have failed to meditated upon the true meaning of that sacred and solemn occasion. I intend to do so this coming weekend–and will try to do so on the number of Memorial Days that I have left. I hope you will too.

But also, let’s have a great Holiday (Holy Day) weekend! So many of our fellow Americans have been maimed, or have perished, so that we can safely and happily enjoy our leisure times and our many freedoms.

Sadly, gratefully, and happily,

Tom Mawhinney, 5/25/11

P.S. Thanks Debby and Tom for forwarding this to me.

MEMORIAL DAY

Keep it
moving, please,
even if you’ve seen it before.

It is
the

VETERAN,
not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of
religion.

It is
the
VETERAN,
not the reporter,
who has given us freedom
of the press.
It is
the VETERAN,
not the poet,
who has
given us freedom of speech.

It is
the
VETERAN,
not the campus organizer,
who has given us
freedom to assemble.

It is
theVETERAN,
not the lawyer,
who has given us the
right to a fair trial.

It is
the
VETERAN,
not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the
VETERAN who
salutes the Flag,

It is
the
VETERAN
who serves
under the Flag,

ETERNAL
REST
GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON
THEM.

I’d be
EXTREMELY proud if this e-mail
reached as many as possible. We can be very
proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.

God
Bless them all!!!

Tags: Memorial Day/Holy Day, Ph.D., V. Thomas Mawhinney, VTM, Dr. Tom

Primacy To Virtue!

2011-04-29T06:19:00.000-07:00

Primacy To Virtue!

I could not agree more.

What about you?

Dr. Tom, 4/29/11

“The virtues of men are of more consequence to society than their abilities; and for this reason, the heart should be cultivated with more assiduity than the head.” –Noah Webster, On the Education of Youth in America, 1788

Provided by Founder's Quote Daily

God’s Blessings To You on Easter: 2011

2011-04-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

God’s Blessings To You on Easter: 2011

Watch this for a spiritual lift on Easter.

The power and the glory is simply stunning.

Dr. Tom, 4/24/11

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76RrdwElnTU&feature=related

Letting Go of Upsetting Thoughts and Memories

2011-04-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Teaching Your Brain To “Let-Go” of Upsetting Thoughts and Memories: YOU CAN DO IT!

How can you teach your brain to let-go of upsetting thoughts and memories? You can do it through repeatedly practicing a simple meditation exercise. I will tell you about this method later in this document.

But first, it is important to understand how your emotional memory system works and why the meditation method can help you.

Modern neuroscience suggests that our brain has a bias toward remembering negative things and remaining alert, constantly scanning our surroundings for more (different or similar) negative things to come. This basic tendency is one of the causes of our anxiety, depression and angry or fearful behavior.

Our brains evolved in a dangerous and hostile environment and therefore it is likely to be “Velcro for threatening events” and “Teflon for positive events”. In other words, negative events stick and positive ones are more likely to be overlooked.

Our brains’ limbic system has recorded our emotional events, even during the first months of life. The limbic system (more specifically the amygdala within the limbic system) acts as the watch-dog, smoke detector, panic button, and alarm system, for our brain. It constantly scans our environment for more such emotion-packed events. It is also the main location of rage, anger and fear responses.

We can recall very few memories earlier than our first three years of our life. However, a great number of memories exist in the form of neurological circuits that were associated with the many stimuli that we have encountered in association with emotion evoking events. The lack of memory previous to three years of age is called infantile amnesia, but the non-verbal emotional memories of these many events are still with us all and they still influence our current emotions, perceptions and behaviors.

The neurological circuits laid down throughout our lives are “fired-up” when we perceive mental or external stimuli similar to those associated with the original events and emotions. These physiological reactions stimulate our autonomic nervous system and our endocrine system. This results in strong emotional impulses (fight, freeze or runaway). These emotions and impulses are also communicated to our higher brain centers (the neo-cortex and pre-frontal cortex). These thinking portions of our brain then interpret these bodily changes and they direct our interpretations of what is happening and how we behave under the circumstances. The frontal cortex reads these emotional impulses and our resulting felt physiological changes and attempts to understand and cope with them.

Many of our most disturbing memories come from traumas occurring early in our lives and we may not have clear memories of them (infantile amnesia). These are called implicit memories because, even though they are firing within our brain we cannot consciously remember them (they are unconscious). Worse yet, we actually don’t know that we are having a memory! We simply experience the emotions associated with the original traumatic events that we experienced in our past. To make matters worse, these experiences are often not associated with identifiable external or internal stimuli; they may be triggered random thoughts. We then have the feeling that we are losing control of our mental processes and our emotions and this feeling alone can be very upsetting for most people.

“Neurons that fire together are wired together” (D.O. Hebb). A traumatic event creates a neurological circuit that represents that event in our brain, as a memory. Any external or internal stimulus that is similar to that older memory can cause those neurological-circuits to fire and you will remember stimuli and/or feelings and emotions associated with that event (explicit memory), or you will experience only the emotions associated with the event and not even know that you are having a memory (implicit memory).

The brain is an association machine and it is an anticipation machine. It anticipates painful or distressing stimuli of the past, and it scans the environment for these events , or similar stimuli, and it expects them to reoccur. The brain then identifies anything similar (even remotely similar) and further reinforces the original memory and associated emotions. This is why the brain is also called a recursive system.

Both explicit and implicit memories can cause anxiety, Fight or Flight autonomic nervous system arousal, as well as the release of stress hormones in our body. Both explicit and implicit memories can also cause us to feel anxious, paranoid, depressed and/or angry. These memories can also take the form of scripts (like lines and actions to be performed in a play) that we may feel compelled to reenact or undo is some way. These scripts can involve seeking to isolate ourselves, thinking bad thoughts about ourselves, consuming inebriates, escaping through play and fantasy, or attacking others (or ourselves), verbally or physically.

When emotions “steal” or “hijack” the thinking part of our brain, these are some of the irrational ways our “automatic pilot can cause us to go into a tail-spin and crash,” so to speak. If we allow your emotions to climb too high, our thinking brain goes “off-line” and we are functionally “brain impaired”. Then, any of the previously mentioned self-defeating reactions, and more, are more likely to occur. Sadly, these actions are normally damaging to your goals and aspirations. For example, when we lose the ability to be rational because we allow our emotions to paralyze the thinking part of our brain we are prone to attack others with sarcasm, contempt, personal criticism and shaming. Such irrational, unthinking-“brainless” attacks can even become violent. When we attack others in these ways something very bad will happen almost 100% of the time. It is common for marriages and other precious relationships to be destroyed in this way.

The problem to be solved is that once our stressful explicit or implicit memories are fired-up in our Limbic system (with autonomic nervous system and endocrine system activation), the thinking and coping sections of our brain are short-circuited, switched off, or Hijacked. We then automatically act in irrational and self-defeating ways by panicking, freezing, physically attacking, raging, verbally attacking, running away, eating, drinking, spending, gambling, or sexually acting-out, etc.).

Learning To Let-Go: Developing A Psychological Immunity To Upsetting Memories

Mindfulness is a practice and strategy for achieving moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness and calmness. It involves taking a calm second look” at our first impulses, thoughts, or reactions and then dismissing them and relaxing.

By learning to meditate, and focus upon our stream of consciousness, we are learning to manage memories that threaten to emotionally hijack our thinking, analyzing, coping, and self-controlling brain. When we avoid doing such exercises, our traumatic memories can “incubate”, or grow in their power to upset us. Totally avoiding previously upsetting memories is a natural thing to do because in the short-run we are more comfortable. But in the long-run, these memories persist in intruding and upsetting our comfort. Dealing with upsetting memories through meditation is a natural and powerful way to inoculate your mind against upsetting intrusions.

The Meditation Exercise

• Find a comfortable position

• If you are sitting, place your feet flat on the floor

• Place one hand over your heart (both hands, if you like)

• Take a deep breath and hold for a few seconds

• Resume breathing in a relaxed and calm way. Be sure to breath through your nostrils if you can (slightly pursed lips, if you must). Do not pant or short breath. Nicely satisfy your brain with oxygen.

• Try to breath low with your stomach rather than by expanding your chest

• Notice the cool-dry sensation around your nostrils/lips as you breath in

• Notice the warm-moist sensation as you breath out

• Repeat at every few seconds a calming and relaxing word. Select one that you like and one that works for you (be calm, relax, let go, etc.)

• Focus your mind’s eye upon your muscles and will them to relax. Move from the top of your head to neck, shoulders, back, chest, arms, hands stomach, hips, buttocks, legs and feet.

• Notice an increasingly relaxed feeling throughout your body

• Concentrate and focus your mind upon these things only

In spite or your best efforts, during meditation, thoughts will come and go. This is normal and you will not be able to stop this from happening. Do not be frustrated with yourself. This is normal, so be very kind and accepting of the way your mind works.

The task to practice is focusing upon your calm and relaxed breathing, calm and relaxed body muscles, and also upon calming self-statements. As new thoughts intrude, your job is to notice them, objectively and calmly consider them for a few seconds, and then dismiss the thought and return to your meditation upon your breathing, muscle relaxation and calming self-statements.

Do this exercise repeatedly for whatever time that you can (five, ten, or perhaps fifteen minutes) at a session. The more you practice this letting-go exercise, the better at it you will become and the more mental/emotional relief you will feel.

The Core Skills Of Mindfulness: In A Nutshell

1. Clarifying, Setting and Reaffirming Intention

    Practice your intention to control thoughts and maintain calmness

2. Cultivating a Witnessing Awareness

   Developing an awareness of the state of your awareness (metacognition)

   Witnessing your inner mental-emotional landscape without autopilot reactions

3. Stabilizing Attention (harmony of intention and attention)

    Strengthening your ability to hold your mental focus

    I.e., “This is what I want to remember this moment”

4. Strengthening Self-Regulation

    Settling and calming negative emotions intentionally

    Shortening the time that difficult emotions keep you “hooked”

    Avoiding, or recovering from, emotional hijackings

    Bringing your whole brain back on line

5. Practicing Loving Kindness

   Calming the inner critic and negative self-judgments

   Practicing non-judgmental awareness leading to kindness and compassion for

   yourself and for others

“Do, Do, Do; Don’t Stew, Stew, Stew” (Albert Ellis)

To recap, both emotionally loaded explicit and implicit memories can cause anxiety through Fight or Flight autonomic nervous system arousal, as well as the release of stress hormones in our body. Both explicit and implicit memories can also cause us to feel anxious, paranoid, depressed and/or angry. These memories can also take the form of scripts (like in a play) that we may feel compelled to reenact or undo is some way.

Practicing meditation using the principles of mindfulness can help to gain control of your thoughts and memories of upsetting events and the ways they influence how you feel and act in the present and future. It is critically important that you practice the meditation methods taught you in therapy sessions and/or the guidelines listed above, daily for five to fifteen minutes per session. Do this several times each day. Through practice, you can gain a significant measure of psychological immunity from your irrational emotions, perceptions and behaviors.

Learning this skill is like learning any other skill (golf, tennis, playing an instrument, or using a computer, etc.), the more you practice the more skilled you will become at managing your emotions. Be gentle and kind to yourself, practice does not make perfect, it simply makes you more skilled. It is good to practice multiple times a day. The more you practice, the more skilled you will become.

“Do Your Work and You Shall Reinforce Yourself” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Materials That You Can Study To Improve Your Emotional Self-Control

The following web site is a good source for audio CD’s and books that relate to meditation and mood/emotional self-control.

http://www.soundstrue.com/

*The contents of this document have been heavily influenced by the work-shop teachings of Terry Fralich, LCPC*

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D., HSPP 20090171A

President, Behavioral Psychological Family Services

http://www.lifecopingskills.com/

Teens Having Less Sex?

2011-03-11T06:40:00.000-08:00

Teens Having Less Sex?

I doubt that very much. Compared to when?

Tell that to the greying graduated highschool classes of 1960!

Whether teen sex has gone up or down a few percentage points over the past few decades does not obscure the fact that our socioculture is in deep trouble because of our pornographic, soft-pornographic, and sexually suggestive portrayals that exist in almost all venues attractive to children and teens.

Has our educated public ever heard of Social Learning Theory: The research on human Modeling and Imitation?! They certainly have, but have chosen to ignore the findings that children, and adults imitate those with power, celebrity, attractiveness, and those that most resemble themselves. Watch the media models that your children are watching and don’t be blinded by the changing norms of our so called “Post Modern Age”.

You will see just one of many examples of technology, fame and fortune trumping “old-fashioned” Judeo/Christian ethics. The costs in damaged lives is incalculable and just one of many of our own self-managment problems that is bringing America down.

A recent government study showed that fewer teens and young adults are having sex (discussed in the South Bend Tribune on March 4, 2011). Do you trust a government study, or a government report of any kind any more?

The study was based upon interviews with approximately 5,300 young people (15 yrs. to 25 yrs.). Do you wonder if 15 yr olds are likely to tell the truth about such matters in an interview? Do you think that sex between 15 year olds might be a greater concern that sex between 25 yr olds?

The study reported that those who said they never had oral, vaginal, or anal intercourse rose in the past decade from 22% to 28%. Do you wonder what the other 82% said? Again, can you imagine what a similar group would have said 50 years ago?

The article went on to say “The findings are sure to surprise some parents who see skin and lust in the media and worry that sex is rampant”. Well, Moms and Dads (Grandparents too) there is no reason for you to worry. The Government (that legalized Pornography [Miller v. California, 1973] and taxes its revenues, as well as condoms, birth control pills, and other sex problem related services) says that our bad sexual behavior is getting better.

Read more on this important topic by clicking on the following URL.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html

Also, for an in-depth analysis of the evolution of this problem, read my publication on Sexual Maladaption Contagion in Behavior and Social Issues, Volume 8, No. 2, Fall 1998.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 3/11/11

Virtue is Own Reward?

2011-02-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Virtue is Own Reward?

Virtue really can be its own reward, as it is trite to say. But for this to happen would require that virtuous behavior be repeatedly, and in many ways, reinforced by a surrounding social group. With such a history, the individual’s own actions, that the social group calls virtuous, can become learned generalized reinforcers to the behaving individual. Under these conditions the behavior of the individual actually does become self-reinforcing (its own reward). However other good outcomes caused by this behavior are likely to be delayed and unknown to the virtuous individual. This is the main reason that it is important to identify good and effective moral codes and to powerfully teach their behaviors within all sociocultures that wish to survive.

George Washington knew this and so should we all.

There exists in the economy and course of nature an indissoluble union between virtue and happiness … we ought to be no less persuaded that the propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right which Heaven itself has ordained.” –George Washington, First Inaugural Address, 1789

End of quote.

Dr. Tom

2011-02-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB)

Love, Honor, and Obey

Love, Honor, and Obey Your God or Your Benevolent Source of Faith

Love, Honor and Take Care of Your Parents, Family, Spouse and Children

Treat Others The Way You Want Them To Treat You

Be Kind To Living Things

Treat The Environment With Care, Respect, and Conservation

Obey The Just and Moral Laws of Your Society That Conform To The UCMB

Be Kind To Strangers

Be Generous

Be Honest and Fair

Help Those Who Cannot Help Themselves

Learn, Love and Live In Accordance With The Scientific Laws of

The Physical and Behavioral World

Do Not Harm Others

Do Not Do Harmful Things To Others

Do Not Use Violence Except In Dire and Unavoidable Defense of The Innocent, Helpless, or Yourself and Loved Ones

Do Not Kill Humans Except In Dire and Unavoidable Defense of The Innocent Others, Yourself and Loved Ones

Do Not Kill Animals Except Only As Necessary For Food and Survival

Do Not Steal

Do Not Lie

Do Not Cheat

Do Not Steal The Love of Another Person’s Spouse or Mate

Do Not Harm Yourself

Do Not Damage Yourself or Your Family Through Inebriation With Drugs or other Harmful Substances

Do Not Damage Yourself and Your Family By Betting or Wagering In Games of Chance

Do Not Be Sexually Promiscuous or Trade Sexuality For Material Gain

Do Not Be Jealous of The Material Possessions of Others

Do Not Seek Vengeance: Learn To Forgive While Protecting Yourself and Your Family From The Harm That Others Can Do To You and Them

Do Not Commit Suicide or Purposefully Do Harm To Yourself Physically or Emotionally

Never Harm The Children

Do Not Create A Human Life That You Are Unable To Sustain By Providing ForTheir Physical, Psychological, and Spiritual Needs

Do Not Abuse (Physically or Verbally), Neglect, or Abandon Your Children. If You Are Unable To Care For Them, Provide For Loving and Competent Others Who Can

Do Not Procreate Outside Of Marriage or A Relationship Committed To Raising Your Children To Adulthood

Do Not Divorce or Abandon Your Family With Dependent Children Except For Chronic Infidelity, Violence, or Drug/Alcohol Abuse or Addiction.

Dr. Tom.

2/1/11

A Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB)

2011-01-31T04:19:00.000-08:00

A Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB)

I will soon present a Universal Code of Moral Behavior (UCMB) as my humble attempt to identify useful old and new prescriptions for evolving sociocultures that wish to avoid the chaos of rising levels of bad behavior within their populations and therefore their collective decline.

I have partitioned this code in several ways. The first section is entitled, Love, Honor, and Do. This section is one in which prescriptions are stated in terms of behaviors to do. People of faith may wish to read many of these prescriptions (taken from religious materials) as Commandments to be obeyed for the love and/or fear of God.

Those with more secular belief systems may prefer to see the prescriptions as logical rule statements for seeking happiness and avoiding pain during life on this planet. In this case, they may wish to read each one of these prescriptions as though it stated, “You will be wise to”— in front of it.

Those with a scientific perspective should look upon the following prescriptions as rule statements to be validated through further investigation and analysis.

There is actually no reason why any one individual could not view various prescriptions within the UCMB from a singular or combined perspective of any of the three listed above: God’s Rules, wise rules, and/or rules to be tested.

The three remaining classes of prescriptions are designed to cover most human interactions within their social and physical environments. They are: Do Not Harm Others; Do Not Harm Yourself; and Never Harm Children. Some may not like that these sections are stated in the form of negative prescriptions ( i.e., Do Not) . However, in the UCMB, as in teaching children and adolescents what to do to achieve rewarding outcomes and avoid painful ones, positive prescriptions by themselves can sometimes lack important specificity.

For example, parents in Florida picnicking at an inland lake may tell their children to “only play on the beach”. But this prescription would be inadequate if they did not also add: “Don’t go in the water or an alligator might eat you”.

The parent of an adolescent might enjoin their adolescent to drive the speed limit, stop at stop streets and stop lights, to watch for pedestrians, etc. But they would best be admonished; “Do not ride with someone who has been drinking. There may be death or serious injury to yourselves or others”. In most cases similar admonishments the parent’s own teen about his or her drinking and driving would also be in order.

As an adult on my sail boat with a gasoline engine, the rule “turn on the blower before you start your engine” was made much stronger by a negative statement: “Don’t start your engine before your blower or you’ll blow yourself to smiterines”.

As a Navy diver, using an Aqualung, I was trained to “breath normally as you swim to the surface”. This rule was very importantly augmented by another: “Don’t hold your breath when you swim to the surface or you will blow your lungs up and die”.

I am certain that you can provide other examples of positive rule statements that are best augmented by negative statements. There are other times when a negative rule statement implying a very unpleasant natural consequence for breaking the rule will provide the shortest, most specific, most memorable, and most effective rule: I.e., “Don’t play with fire”.

The following UCMB prescriptions each imply their own positive and negative consequences. . Complex environments appear to require greater complexity to their moral codes. The UCMB is lengthy and including the all of the anticipated consequences for following or breaking a rule would make very long indeed. The teaching of this, or another moral code, would seem best to be approached in modules, with the various implied consequences depending upon the age and maturity of the learner fully discussed, illustrated, and referenced. Whenever possible moral prescriptions should be referenced to scientific support.

To increase the probability of moral behavior within a population, a code similar to the following UCMB should be taught and encouraged in all sociocultural venues possible.

The outcome would promise great goods. Great likely harms (concerns for unintended consequences noted) are seem doubtful.

Stay tuned for the UCMB.

Wake-Up America!

Dr. Tom 1/31/11

A Universal Code Of Moral Conduct?

2011-01-25T05:17:00.000-08:00

The Rational For A Universal Code Of Moral Conduct

The reasons that I have assembled the Universal Code Of Moral Conduct (UCMC) are many. Foremost is the fact that everyone will benefit from having a practical code of moral values and conduct to teach their children and adolescents and to encourage among themselves. A socioculture that fails to acculturate its members in the ethics of morality will suffer increasing behavioral chaos and resulting economic and functional decline.

To the best of my imperfect ability, the inclusion of prescriptions in the UCMC has only been a result of my bias toward the scientific literature on the principles of human development and behavior and also elements from traditionally successful moral codes. In other words because they accord with the data of the physical and psychological sciences and because they have effectively supported some of the most successful sociocultures in history.

All great sociocultures have had religious belief systems and religiously derived codes of conduct which helped to organize and regulate their collective behavior. The more effective these moral codes of conduct, on balance, the better these sociocultures have faired in the world of other sociocultures that compete for survival.

But, the evolution of science and technology in the modern world has led to population mobility and unprecedented rates of migration between cultures. This amalgamation of many cultural beliefs and practices and the effects of science and technology upon these belief systems and behaviors have weakened the power of religious faith-based moral and ethical precepts which once helped to organize and sustain their sociocultures.

In deference to its increasing religious and philosophical diversity, the United States has seen fit to remove its traditional Judeo-Christian rules for conduct (The Ten Commandments and Golden Rule), as well as most references to these faiths and moral precepts from its public land, courts, most media and our public schools. As a result it has increasingly failed to teach moral behavior to its children for several generations with the predictable result of increasing behavioral chaos and a general decline in America’s adaptability and functioning. It has been left to parents to teach their children morality. But, parents cannot teach what they have not learned. It has been left to the churches to teach morality. But, in the face of the church’s weakening hold on its parishioners, they have reduced their advocacy for moral restraint and sacrifice in order to sustain themselves.

America is reaching a point of no return. Any society that wishes to survive long and well, must settle upon an effective code of moral conduct to teach to its children. They must then effectively organize themselves to powerfully do exactly that. Simultaneously, they must motivate conformity to this moral code in their adult population. What better moral code could there be for an increasingly diverse socioculture than one distilled from the most successful ones in the history of our planet that are also consistent with important principles of science, religion, and philosophy.

While there are numerous religions and moral prescriptions, the most successful ones have many themes in common. These common themes provide for an integrated face-valid, time-tested and successful moral code of conduct for modern diverse liberal democracies similar to the United States of America.

Regarding the validity of the prescriptions of the UCMC, each by itself should accord with a history of success and predictions from scientific principles, theory to improve the primary mechanisms and measures thought to mediate our sociocultural health and viability.

Accordingly, conformity to each UCMC prescription should lead to the reduction of bad behavioral contagion (the spread of maladaptive behavior within a population), the improvement of metabehavioral measures (critical social indicators), the reduction of social entropy (that proportion of a population unavailable to build and maintain the socioculture, but functions as a drain upon it), and a commensurate reduction in the probability of sociocultural decline or decompensation (the loss of ability to maintain viability due to catastrophic events and/or increasing rates of physical or social entropy).

All that is needed is a faith in the value of the moral code itself. The basis for such a faith is easily documented when viewed against the success of those historically valid moral systems from which it is derived. Because the UCMC is ecumenical and science-based in its origins it should be acceptable to those of many faiths, agnostics, atheists, as well as scientists and those with faith in secular humanism.

Whether the prescriptions of the UCMC have been sent by God, or by a history of trial and error and intelligent human analysis, is a private matter for each individual to decide. But the value of such a moral code for collective life and sociocultural success is beyond question.

The Uniform Code of Moral Conduct should therefore be widely promulgated, taught, and encouraged at all levels of private and public life.

Dr. Tom 1/25/11

Our Fallen Heros

2011-01-17T05:56:00.000-08:00

Our Fallen Heros

A friend sent this video to me. It left tears in my eyes and a renewed deep gratitude for those who serve our country under hazardous circumstances.

Please view the following and pass it on to your friends.

http://www.jensensutta.com/slideshows/RTB/

VTM, 1/17/11

P.S. Thanks to Joe Grunert for sending me this video.

Mental Illness, Civil Commitments and Gun Laws

2011-01-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

Mental Illness, Civil Commitments and Gun Laws

Many years ago, in Michigan, a social worker went to visit a man who he had reportedly known for a long time. The social worker had a very good relationship with this man.

So why, on the day of this visit, did this man step out the front door and kill the socialworker on his porch with a point-blank shotgun blast to the chest? Think of all the reasons that you can identify. What could possibly explain this horrific and totally unpredicted event?

It should not come as a surprise that the killer was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia.

It is true that Schizophrenia, of any kind, infrequently leads to violence. It is also true that when such violence ocurrs, it is over- represented in the news.

However, it is essential that anyone who is thought to be mentally ill and behaving in menacing ways be provisionally committed to a secure mental health facility for evaluation. Furthermore, the standards of proof leading to such an initial civil commitment must be lowered. This has to be done for the protection of both the patient and the public at large.

As a practicing psychologist, I am legally responsible to report any indications of child abuse to the regional Department of Family and Children. I can assure you that when I must do so, this organization makes an evaluation of my report, an investigation normally ensues, and if it is deemed necessary children are placed in protective custody. I am saddened that this system sometimes fails, but it more frequently does not.

The same needs to be done in the case of apparently dangerous individuals suffering from mental disorders. Currently, the burden of proof for temporary hospitalization and evaluation is so great as to be unworkable. If a law was enforced, mandating such reports from physicians and mental health professionals to an appropriate agency for investigation and possible action, many tragedies-in-the-making could be prevented.

Please take time to review the following article about mental illness and violence. It is a well-balanced report serious and emotion-laden problem.

http://www.schizophrenia.com/poverty.htm

On a related matter, I am in full support of the 2nd amendment (Law abiding citizens may purchase and possess firearms). However, those suffering from severe mental disorders must be restricted from the ability to purchase and possess firearms.

A law mandating that health care providers in medicine and psychology, as well as various mental care facilities forward reports of seriously mentally ill patients to an appropriate federal agency that will prohibit their legal purchase and possession of firearms is essential. This can work because currently any individual seeking to legally purchase a fire arm must first be computer-checked by a federal agency. The main weakness in this system is apparently in the report mechanism to that agency.

Please review the Federal Laws on firearms purchases and possession.

http://www.nraila.org/gunlaws/federal/read.aspx?id=60

I urge you to speak-out and lobby your representatives for the passage of such legislation.

Wake-up America!

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 1/16/11

Revise Civil Commitment Laws II

2011-01-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

Revise Civil Commitment Laws II

A few days ago I presented the educated assumption that the man who shot and killed six people and wounded Congresswoman Giffords along with 12 others, was suffering from Paranoid Schizophrenia. I reviewed the deinstitutionalizing/community mental health initiative of the early 1960′s and also the change in our civil commitment laws that made it almost impossible to get psychiatric and psychological help to those who are in psychotic states and who refuse to seek or accept help for their condition.

Many facts are now available that were not then. Professionals interviewed on the media have tentatively diagnosed his condition as paranoid psychosis. Neighbors had seen symptoms of psychosis in this young man for a long time, high school classmates and friends reported his increasing symptoms of psychosis, college classmates and a math professor reported their fear of this man in their class. The students feared he would bring a gun to class and the professor was afraid to turn his back to do math problems on the blackboard for fear that the actively psychotic person might shoot him in the back. These fears were present despite the fact that no one reported ever seeing him bring a gun to class. Also, the man’s disturbed and and forboding ramblings were publicly posted on the internet.

This tragedy could have been, and should have been, avoided.

Once again, America has hog-tied itself with our laws and we see the inhumane outcomes of our attempts to be humane. It is a sad truth that mental patients were once locked away and many were never released. It is a happy truth that, with the discovery of antipsychotic medications, many were able to benefit and lead more normal lives. It is a sad truth that a large proportion of hundreds of thousands of mental patients who were once released from hospitals did not get medications, or refused to take them, or were ones for whom the medications did not work very well. A great many of these former mental patients joined the legions of our mentally ill homeless and those in our prisons.

So I ask, what is humane about this outcome for nonviolent psychotic? And what is humane about America allowing an obviously dangerous paranoid psychotic to wander freely amongst our citizens who were fearfully trying to get help for this individual, while our mental health systems and our legal systems were unable to provide the help and protection needed? So now a man is a mass murderer who likely never would have hurt anyone. All of thishappened because of his untreated paranoid psychosis. So now a congresswoman has been brain damaged, twelve more have been wounded and nine other citizens have been killed.

In response, our government predictably swings into frenetic and futile action. It proposes that we limit the capacity of firearm magazines (use two guns, or poison, or several knives and a sword). It proposes that we limit the zone around a public official in which citizens may possess a gun to 1000 feet. What does it matter? How would such a law be enforced and how likely is the law to control the behavior of a dedicated sane assassin or someone in a murderous psychotic rage? Finally, the grand absurdity emerges among these lesser ones: it was Sara Palin, Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, etc., who need to be silenced!

No, dear friends, what really needs to happen is a revision of our civil commitment laws.

Although murderous attacks by paranoid psychotics can never be prevented 100% of the time, the probability of it happening again can be cut dramatically, if we will only behave rationally.

It is essential that our licensed doctoral level mental health care providers (psychiatrists and Ph.D. clinical psychologists) once again be given the authority to commit actively psychotic citizens, who refuse help, to mental health care facilities. This new commitment procedure can be much more humane than the previous ones. The new commitment procedure would be for evaluation and medication assistance (remember medication for psychosis was once unavailable). The first goals of this intervention would be to quell the ongoing psychotic episode, educate the patient as to their particular mental disease, and teach them how to effectively cope with it through medication and stress management. The final goal of this commitment would be discharge the patient as soon as possible with mandatory supportive follow-up.

It should be understood that such a treatment approach would need to be refined through outcome analyses and further revisions, to the point that it reflects our best efforts to protect the rights of all citizens concerned, including the patient under treatment.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 1/13/11

P.S. You will note that I have omitted the paranoid psychotic murderer’s name. I did so because that person did not do the killing. Rather, it was a dangerous mental disease (paranoid schizophrenia) that America allowed to wander freely amongst its citizens that did the killing.

To those who ask: What about individual freedom? I will ask: What about the individual freedoms of those students and the professor terrified in the classroom? What about the freedoms of the professionals who were called to help, but who were restricted from providing help? What about the individual freedoms of those killed and injured by a paranoid schizophrenic’s murderous attack? What about the individual freedoms of all of the victims?

The list of victims includes the paranoid schizophrenic who did the shooting, those who were killed and injured, and all of their friends and relatives and the rest of us who have been traumatized by this and similar tragedies.

Some say that this suffering is “the cost of freedom”. I say it is the cost of our own cultural design mistake, and a loss of freedom which must now be repaired.

Revise Civil Committment Laws!

2011-01-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Revise Civil Committment Laws!

It is true, as I taught for 36 years as a professor of psychology, that people with mental illnesses are generally no more dangerous than people without them. However, there are some exceptions. Those who are depressed are prone to suicide. Those who suffer from Bi-Polar disorder can be prone to suicide while depressed, or other dangerous behaviors when in high manic phases.

But, in instances of bizarre and senseless violence, such as the recent case of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and the others who were gunned down with her, a severe mental illness (probably Paranoid Schizophrenia) was the cause. A particularly dangerous form of mental illness was allowed to wander free among us, and it was this (or another psychotic mental illness) that repeatedly pulled the trigger on our innocent and precious citizens.

Paranoid Schizophrenia is a specific and sometimes dangerous form of mental illness, especially when delusions of persecution are prominent. This should make sense to anyone. Delusions of persecution are false beliefs, often bizarre in nature, that others are “out to get me”, ”spying on me”, “taking my property”, or “trying to harm or kill me”. Of course, many normally functioning people would become very angry and tempted to “defend” themselves by attacking the “perpetrators” if they really believed that someone, or some people (perhaps the government, the next door neighbor, etc.), were trying to harm them or destroy their lives. People with this psychotic mind-set can be very dangerous and no amount of security will protect the innocent from their unpredictable psychotic behavior.

The deinstitutionalization movement culminated in 1963 when the Federal Government ordered that mental patients be freed from mental hospitals and be treated in their communities. Congress passed the Community Mental Health Act which provided funding for the construction of community-based facilities to treat mental patients on an outpatient basis. All of this happened shortly after the discovery of antipsychotic medications. In 1955 there were around 600,000 mental patients in state institutions. By the year 2001, there were only about 60,000 in state institutions. Where did the rest of the 500,400 mental patients go? These individuals with severe mental problems went back to living among us.

Following 1963, if hospitalization was necessary, patients were to be admitted on a short-term basis, medicated, stabilized and then released. This led to a “revolving door policy”, in which patients frequently were admitted, medicated, stabilized, and released, but, many then stopped taking their medication, again became actively psychotic and were rehospitalized.

Also, in the name of civil rights and humane treatment, the criteria for “civil committment” (committment to mental hospitals against one’s will) were narrowed to the point that only those who were a clear danger to themselves or the public, could be committed without their permission. This meant that even those who were actively hallucinating, ranting and raving, homeless, filthy, or in some cases starving could not be hospitalized against their will. In my view, these criteria are far too restrictive and great suffering among the mentally ill, as well as the rest of us, continues as a result.

Once again an over-reaction in the name of personal freedom and humane treatment has gone too far, predictably resulting in social chaos and tragedy, with a net loss of personal freedoms for all. Once again, I judge the true governmental motivation for a provision of more “personal freedom” ( in this case for mental patients) was largely revenue savings.

It is true that those patients who seek help at Community Mental Health Centers tend to benefit. But on a yearly basis, 40 to 60 percent of all people suffering from schizophrenia “and other severe mental disorders receive no treatment at all”. While poor coordination or shortage of services are frequently named as the cause for this shortfall, no one is willing to face the other obvious fact. Giving an active psychotic the right to refuse treatment is an absurdly self-destructive big part of our problem!

While institutions may become more effective in their treatment, there is no happy feel-good remedy for psychotics who are unable to make rational decisions in their own best interests, who do not seek treatment, or who refuse treatment when it is offered.

New Laws with more nuanced civil commitment capabilities, intensive medication and psychological treatment strategies, and mandatory close follow-up with recommittment capabilities are essential.

Wake-up America! Advocate for a Revision of our Civil Committment Rules!

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 1/9/11

P.S. (I) The history and statistics of the Community Mental Health Movement and its failings is based upon the college textbook Abnormal psychology, by Ronald J. Comer.

P.S. (II) Schizophrenia is a life-long mental disease with strong heritability. There is not cure for schizophrenia, though medication can imperfectly help to control its most bizarre symptoms. Since deinstitutionalization, the reproductive rates of people with schizophrenia have naturally risen and is thought to now approximate that of the normal population. The implications for the growth of the genetic basis or schizophrenic spectrum problems in our population should be clear. But, this is a topic for another time.

For All Of Our Years

2011-01-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

For All Of Our Years

It is six days past the start of the New Year. But, some dear friends sent me an inspirational and heart-warming video wish for the New Year and I must share it with you.

You will be happy that you took the time to view it.

http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/16526/New-Years-Inspiration

God Bless,

Dr. Tom

A Belated Merry Christmas!

2010-12-26T08:23:00.000-08:00

A Belated Merry Christmas!

"The best Christmas light display". Sent to me by my life-long buddy Vic Palenske— it is really neat!

http://www.flixxy.com/best-christmas-lights-display.htm

Nat King Cole and his daughter Natalie! What a great idea, made possible through modern technology.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGflQbQudGY&feature=related

Dr. Tom

Let's Stop Making Our Own Misery

2010-12-26T07:57:00.000-08:00

Let's Stop Making Our Own Misery

Albert Ellis has written about how we make ourselves anxious and depressed by embracing certain irrational ideas or beliefs. He is correct! You and I both know from experience that it is not so much what happened to a person that makes them miserable..it is how they choose to think about what happened to them.

I once sat with a friend who was dying of cancer. I dreaded visiting him simply because I feel more skilled at talking about coping with life and less so about coping with death. My dear wife who is a nurse is so much better at that than I am. It was comforting that she was with me that day.

To our surprise, our bed-side visit with our friend was another valuable lesson in life. Our friend welcomed us with a great smile and, after our initial greetings, said: "Let me put this in perspective"!

He then cheerfully summarized the many wonderful things that he had the good fortune to enjoy in his life: His marriage, his children (now grown), his grandchildren, his good friends, pleasant hobbies, his pleasures and good fortunes in work, and his faith in God.

All of this from a man who we knew had suffered some significant defeats, hardships, losses and embarrassments in his life. In short, he had many of the problems in his life that a lot of people would describe as failures and great disappointments.

But not my friend. He chose to focus on the good things. The good things were as real and they were much more enduring than the bad things. By focusing upon the good things he became an inspiration to everyone who knew him. He beamed a glorious comfort for all of us to aspire to imitate.

He was thinking rationally about his own death. It was not a horrible or terrible thing! He could choose to be miserable in his last days or he could strive to find some happiness and do some good for others. His thinking was positive in nature and he focused upon his own intended goals. It was as follows:

Everyone dies. I am going earlier than I wished, but 68 years is a long time. There is much that I have accomplished. I will celebrate the good things. I will not dwell upon the bad things that I cannot change. My last gift to everyone I love (including myself) will be my love of them and my cheerful encouragement of them to carry on, make good contributions, be happy and enjoy their lives!

If my dying friend could do this through the power of rational thinking, it is certain that we can do better with our common problems in life that we must manage and overcome.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom

Last Vestiges of Self-Restraint: Sunday Carry-Out Alcohol Restrictions.

2010-12-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

Last Vestiges of Self-Restraint: Sunday Carry-Out Alcohol Restrictions.

It is interesting to watch government control over more and more of our behavior progress in leaps and bounds. Yet, our sexual and drug consumption activities are increasingly deregulated under the guise of personal freedom.

In my view the explanation for this seemingly incongruous set of events is significantly comprised of a complex mix of our government animal’s “food deprivation” (cash) and its primal motivation to propagate (physical growth, and increasing control of its populace).

With regard to our government’s weakening the moral values and traditions of America and providing greater access to addicting substances and activities, all of this validates the need for greater governmental growth and control of the resulting troubled population behavior. In a diabolical circle of destructive forces, the legalized and expanded access to alcohol (soon other drugs), pornography, prostitution (perhaps sooner than you think), gambling, and violence in media, etc., when taxed, becomes food for the further growth and maintenance of a voracious government-animal.

Furthermore, with the decline of religiously based restraints upon immoral or unethical behavior (“concepts of Sin”, Vice” and “Blue-Laws”), free market pressures in our capitalistic economy naturally join in confluence with the government-animal as they prey upon us all for cash.

When laws against carry-out alcohol sales in Indiana are repealed, it will probably not lead to very many more alcohol problems within our population. Alcoholics can easily plan ahead to feed their addictions and adolescents have always been able to raid liquor cabinets, even on Sundays.

The problem is much larger than the loss of one of the few little examples of morally based self-control practices left in America. The loss of carry-out alcohol restrictions on Sunday will represent a mere spit-in-an-ocean of trouble caused by a historical torrent of such losses.

Dr. Tom, 12/2/2010

2010-09-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

Rediscovering God in America”

The title to this blog is in quotes because it is the title to a New York Times BESTSELLER by Newt Gingrich. The subtitle is: “Reflections On The Role of Faith in Our Nation” (2006, by Integrity Publishers: Nashville, TN).

I strongly recommend that you read this small book that undeniably documents the role of Christianity and God in the construction and success of this great nation.

The bed-rock values involved in every fiber of this massive creation were religiously based. The removal of the affirmation of these values from all public places, except the hallowed halls and monuments in Washington D.C., has been a self-destructive and propagandistic act of epoch proportions. “Separation of State” was never meant to be taken to this radical extreme.

This act, among many others, is a significant part of our decline and impending downfall.

Joe Grunert sent me the following Email which comports with the documentation in the book I just referenced, so I am posting it for you to see. Unfortunately, the pictures visually documenting the described religious artifacts in Washington D.C. did not transfer to my post.
Perhaps you will read the book I referenced to see many of them, or better yet go to Washington D. C. (take your children for an education?) to see them for yourself.

Dr. Tom, 9/9/10

DID YOU KNOW?
As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the U..S Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world’s law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view … It is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments!

DID YOU KNOW?
As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door.

DID YOU KNOW?
As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall, right above where the Supreme Court Judges sit, a display of the Ten Commandments!

DID YOU KNOW?

There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Monuments in Washington , D.C.

DID YOU KNOW?

James Madison, the fourth president, known as ‘The Father of Our Constitution’ made the
Following statement:

‘We have staked the whole of all our political Institutions upon the capacity of mankind for Self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to The Ten Commandments of God.’

DID YOU KNOW?
Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777.

DID YOU KNOW?

Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the established Orthodox churches in the colonies..

DID YOU KNOW?

Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of Interpreting the law would begin making law an oligarchy the rule of few over many.

How then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this Country is now suddenly wrong and Unconstitutional?

Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was Built on The Holy Bible and belief in GOD!

2010-08-27T07:10:00.000-07:00

Don’t Even Look Like Your Doing Something Wrong!

A lot of relationships and marriages get into trouble because of opposite sex friendships. The one with the “friend”often calls, text messages, meets for lunch or dinner, or otherwise shares time with their friend of the opposite sex. They normally claim that it is “just a friendship”, but very often it is much more.

When their mate becomes worried and suspicious about the friendship, they often ask that it be ended. All too often an argument ensues. After all, it is just a friendship and the friendly mate asserts: “There is nothing going on other than we are good friends.”

All of this is very bad for marriages and other committed relationships.

Sometimes the friendly mate will relent and agree to break the outside friendship off. But the worried partner is left with suspicions and they often resort to checking the phone, text, or email messages. When they find that the “friendship” is still going on, the problem reaches crisis proportions. Then the extended families of the participants begin to weigh-in on the issues and the whole matter “goes viral”, so to speak. What a mess!

I have found that in most of these situations, the problem is not a friendship, it is an affair. Many marriages and committed relationships will not survive this problem and that is a tragedy when children are involved. To compound the problem, such “friendships tend not to last (for obvious reasons) when the devious “friends” marry or enter their own committed relationship. There are very few reasons to expect otherwise.

In the minority of cases, such problem friendships may only be friendships. If such a relationship creates problems for you and your spouse or committed partner, it is time for you to think straight. It will not work and someone has got to go. As the saying goes: “You will not be able have your cake and eat it too”.

My Dad once told me, “If you want to stay out of trouble: Don’t even look like you are doing something wrong!”

Dad was right.

Dr. Tom 8/27/10

Ivar Lovass and The Treatment Of Autism

2010-08-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

Ivar Lovass and The Treatment Of Autism

I received the following today. For families with autistic children, Ivar Lovass was a God-Send. He was a young and well-know researcher in the field of Applied Behavior Analysis when I began my training. It is very sad to know that he has passed away. Please read this short memorial.

Dear Tom:

"At 6 PM on August the 2nd, 2010, Professor Emeritus O. Ivar Løvaas, Ph.D., passed away quietly after a long battle with illness. He was surrounded by his closest family. There will be an official memorial service at the University of California, Los Angeles later this month." Dr. Doreen Granpeesheh, Executive Director, Center for Autism and Related Disorders, Inc.

Unfortunately, Løvaas had had Alzheimer's for the last few years. He was recovering from surgery for a broken hip and got an infection that caused his death.

Few have had Løvaas' impact on the field of behavior analysis, demonstrating the power of behavior analysis to so significantly improve the quality of life of so many people. Little in behavior analysis, or in psychology, has had the real impact of the behavioral interventions he started and that have been replicated and expanded upon by so many other behavior analysts. He showed that if you're willing to do what it takes, up to 40 hours per week of intensive training for at least a couple years, you can help young children with autism greatly improve their lives. And this has almost as powerful an effect on the lives of the children's families. And also on the lives of the tutors and behavior analysts who have the privilege of using behavior analysis to help those children and their families. The field of behavior analysis and the Association for Behavior Analysis International owe a great debt to Ivar Løvaas, his students, and the many researchers and practitioners who have followed his path and who have branched off on related paths of their own.

With Regret,
Association for Behavior Analysis International

No Friends Like Old Friends

2010-08-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

No Friends Like Old Friends

So there they were….about one hundred of them. Many no longer resembled those friends and acquaintances that I had known as a teenager, but they were there…and what a glorious bunch they were! They were my classmates from my 1960 high school graduation class.

Some of them still resembled the emotional and behavioral beings that I had known 50 years ago, but something was marvelously different. Each, in their own unique way had been transformed by a lifetime of events largely unknown to me.

Our times together were at an informal gathering the evening before our dinner at a bar and bowling alley which was popular in our home town of St. Joseph, Michigan in the 1960′s. The next day we enjoyed a luncheon at our high school and a tour through halls that we had not seen for 50 years. We were proud to be the first class to graduate from our then brand new high school. The city of St. Joseph had done a great job of expanding and maintaining this impressive facility. As we toured our school many visions long forgotten were instantaneously familiar. This was an object lesson in the psychology of human memory. Finally, there was the dinner with an evening program full of wonderful reminiscences. All arranged by a small corps of loyal and caring classmates who had dutifully planned and executed similar reunions, nearly every five years since our graduation.

But this was our 50th reunion and it eclipsed all of the others. It was a magical time and it was exclusively comprised of well seasoned and aged human beings who had become some of the best specimens that humanity can achieve. A few formerly clicky and aloof teen girls were now kind and thoughtful women who went out of their way to reach out to former Geeks and wallflowers. The lofty athletic heros, from one-half a century ago, warmly welcomed and conversed with the guys who had never gained high status and popularity in high school. Some of the men and women who were formerly shy, quiet and retiring were smiling, laughing, and talking with classmates they may never have spoken to in high school. Everyone treated everyone with remarkable kindness and everyone appeared to give and to receive an uncommon measure of love and respect.

These people were the survivors of our class. Sadly, 27 of our former classmates were known to have died during the intervening years. We were haunted by their memories as each of their names were read aloud, with caring and respect.

I believe that we were each aware that everyone there had somehow managed to overcome life’s disappointments, sorrows, and personal tragedies. More importantly, they had found their way back through time, to the birth-place of their former insecurities and the beginning of their adult adventures, trials and tribulations. And there they were: Each with a grace, dignity, and kindness which all-to-often comes only with the passage and survival of countless events in time.

These are my lasting memories of my 50th high school class reunion.

But there was one more. It was the deafening roar, stronger than ever before, of the proud and ferocious athletic chant of the St. Joseph High School Fighting Bears. It was a roar that had built within this group of survivors for five decades and it rattled the walls and windows and sent spirits soaring as never before! It was a perfect way to end a surreal and precious evening with loved ones from a distant past.

I hope you will consider attending your next reunion. It may be one of the most heartwarming events of your life.

Tom Mawhinney, 8/7/10
St. Joseph High School Class of 1960

Verbal Abuse: Don't Take It!

2010-07-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

Verbal Abuse: Don't Take It!

I will guarantee you that a steady diet of verbal abuse from a spouse, parent, or anyone is a major problem.

Over time verbal abuse has the ability to reduce people to depressed, fearful, and anxious individuals who have little respect for themselves or their value as human beings. I too often see individuals so stressed by years of verbal abuse (profane, ridiculing, or enraged statements about how useless, stupid, incompetent, ugly, fat or crazy they are) that they also develop physical symptoms of sickness that are very hard to treat because the symptoms are both psychological and physiological in origin.

Without question chronic verbal abuse can destroy both mental and physical health. It can even kill or maim when it leads to self destructive acts like drug or alcohol abuse or dependency, or even suicide.

If you are being verbally (or it should go without saying, Physically)abused, get professional help immediately and with help, stop the abusive treatment of yourself and/or your children in one way or another.

With help, it is common for those who have escaped abuse to report that for the first time, in a very long time, they are happy and feel good about themselves and their future.

Abuse: Don't Take It! Get Free and discover the strong and competent person that you are!

Dr. Tom

The Symptom Is the Solution?

2010-06-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

The Symptom Is the Solution

When you look at a child's unwanted behavior, bear in mind that the symptom is often the solution to the child's problem. For examples:

1. Frequent sickness on school mornings can signal that there are problems at school that your child wants to avoid. Or it can signal attachment issues between you and your child; meaning that time with you is in too short supply, it could signal an anxiety disorder, and more. Whatever you do, schedule a visit with your child's physician before searching for psychological explanations.

2. Tempertantrums often work: The child gets what he or she wants, or, they get out of doing what they don't want to do.

3. Your child's dawdling and not finishing what you have asked your he or she to do frequently gets them out of having to follow the full request. Sometimes it discourages parents from asking them to do responsible things. I often hear the ol' refrain: "For crying out loud, its easier for me to do it myself than to try and get my child to do it!"
Yes it is...and that's not by accident.

4. Sometimes a child or adolescent is especially argumentative with one parent any time things don't go their way. The result is that the other parent comes to thier defense, a large argument ensues between the parents and they remain further devided in their parental limits. Parents lose the power of unity and the child or adolescent is more in control.

5. Sometimes one parent is emotionally distant from the family and uninvolved. A child or adolescent will ingage in some outragious behavior that the distant and uninvolved parent cannot possibly ignore. This back into the family structure. Unfortunately, this normally happens in ways that produce futher conflict and lead to increased rates of misbehavior on the part of the child or adolescent and increases general conflict in the family.

The trick is to find more effective solutions to these and similar problems.

Sometimes professional help is needed to correct such bad symptom solutions and their bad outcomes.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom 6/24/10

Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals and Their Medical Marijuana

2010-06-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals and Their Medical Marijuana

I have been waiting several weeks to write this. I have let the anger subside so I might write more clearly and with less profanity.

Yes, I know high English and am better than most at it. But I was also in the Navy and I have mastered some rather pointed alternative ways of expressing myself. I will spare you that, minus my use of my best Navy descriptor for proponents of medical marijuana as it now exists in at least three states, including Michigan: You Dumb-Assed Progressive Liberals.

You may know that I am a retired professor of psychology and I am in private practice three days per week. I see 20 to 30 “people with problems” each week. I have done this for well over thirty years and about the time that I think I have seen it all, reality gives me a swift kick in the pants with a new and painful lesson.

The mother brought me her 14 year-old-boy because he and friends had beaten-up another kid and taken his book bag. He had been identified and turned over to the juvenile authorities and was put on probation. He was required to undergo counseling.

The boy was very friendly, bright, and articulate. I judged that he was above average intelligence–though his grades were failing in school and his attendance was poor. It was my first session with the boy and so I worked to build rapport with him and I thought that things had gone very well. The ground-work for future therapeutic gains had been laid.

About two weeks later the mother brought him back to me. She reported that the boy had “dropped dirty for marijuana” in his urine test at the probation office.

The boy, so friendly and reasonable the session before, sat in my office with a cocky smirk on his face. I asked “what were you thinking, are you looking to do jail time ?” Now sullen, with a give-a-crap attitude (oops, gosh, didn’t mean to say that), he said, “I don’t care–that’s not up to me.”

The 14-yr-old boy went on to lecture me that marijuana was legal. He explained that it is legal in three states because it was good for your joints, muscles and good for bronchitis.

I sat amazed, as I asked him where he heard all of that. He laughed at me and said, “The streets talk to Me”.

I told him that there was no reason for us to talk anymore and that I would leave it to others to help him understand how “the courts will now talk to him”. I did not have a client in the room, he did not admit to a problem and he did not wish to improve a problem. I could have taken Medicaid money for months. But like the old fogey I am, I asked him to leave and not come back. He asked me to sign a document for his probation officer saying he attended counseling. I reluctantly did so. There was no area for comments on my part.

I talked to his caring mother, who agreed that it was time for a higher level of intervention for him.

Later, I wrote his probation officer and explained that the 14-year-old boy would need legal sanctions taken against him, that counseling would be of no benefit until he acquired a “felt need” to change his thinking and actions (just between you and me, this probably will not work either).

Thanks! You dumb-assed progressive liberals who have used the current iteration of “legalized medical marijuana” in order to take another step in the direction of totally legalized marijuana (and other drugs), so you can stay high.

You have helped to destroy the life of another Mother’s child in America so that you can cop a buzz. You self-centered, hedonistic, bunch of sociopaths.

Dr. Tom 6/8/10

Check Your Children’s Textbooks!

2010-06-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

Check Your Children’s Textbooks!

Be sure to check your children’s school books to be sure that the intentions of our Founding Fathers are explained there. Also be certain that the profound sacrifices of our patriots and fighting forces are noted, as well as the stunning artistic, technological, military educational, civil, and humanitarian accomplishments of our great democratic society: the United States of America.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D.

This quote is forwarded from the Patriotpost:

“Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom.” –John Adams, Defense of Constitutions, 1787

To subscribe to Founder’s Quote Daily and The Patriot Post, link to http://patriotpost.us/subscribe/.

The Public Bush-hack!

2010-05-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

The Public Bush-Whack!

I frequently find that clients in marriage therapy ridicule, criticise, or put each other down in social settings. Later, when the offended partner brings the matter up in private a heated argument often ensues.

The dynamics of the public bush-whack are interesting.

1. When the public bush-whack occurs, it may be taken as a form of sarcastic teasing by witnesses and may not harm the social relationships. Or if there is harm it may be hard for the offending individual or couple to detect. Therefore, there may be no consequences to the self-defeating practice of publicly bush-whacking a mate and it may continue unabated.

2. When the mate complains to their partner about the incident, the offender can play it off as, "you're just over sensitive and making mountains out of mole hills". This allows a double insult: one in public and another in private ("you just have a problem with sensitivity").

3. The bush-whack works well for the offender who is basically passive-aggressive. Such an individual does not like a direct fight or argument. They prefer to "get-even" for their quietly accumulated grievances against their partner in more subtle ways. For them the public bush-whack is just the ticket! Of course, it is a very bad practice because it solves nothing, creates more problems, and increases hostility in the relationship.

4. Sometimes the offender actually likes to fight! It may be hard for you to believe, but some folks want and prefer to have great fights in their relationships. With this dynamic, the offender may be paired with a partner who also likes to fight...and so, they are "off to the races"! Sometimes, however, the bushwhacker is paired with a passive partner who avoids conflict whenever he or she can. In this case the offender has found a great tool for suckering their peaceful partner into a fight. Even peaceful people can become righteously indignant when they have been publicly humiliated by the bush-whack. When the victim protests later in private, the bush-whacker can then work the confrontation into a full-blown fight. Mission accomplished!

In relationships, the public bush-whack is both a self-destructive communication style and a devious way to initiate a fight.

If there is a lot of bush-whacking in your relationship, you had better seek professional help before it is too late.

God Bless, Dr. Tom
5/20/10

Look-Out For The "Blind-Side" Divorce

2010-04-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

Look-out For The Blind-Side Divorce

My client is depressed and discheveled: He or she is in a lot of shock and pain. I have seen this situation over and over again for 30 years.

The person tells me that they "never saw it coming" and now, suddenly, their mate's "mind is made-up" and they are leaving. All too often there is little to be done except help the blind-sided individual cope as effectively as they can.

There are many reasons for the blind-side break-up or divorce.

One frequent reason is that the departing loved one has found someone else to love. Sometimes the blindsided one did the same thing. Occasionally this is because someone has issues with loyalty. More often the dying relationship had an affair because it had been dying for years, it had grown increasingly empty and one (or both) did nothing to save it.

Often, what has happened is that one or both members of a couple (married or not)have stopped making the other person a priority in their lives, they stopped telling and showing, in countless ways, how special the other person is and how much they love them. They have stopped being friends and taking time to plan fun things and play together. These things can happen to a once good relatinship for many reasons.

Finally, there is mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse/addiction, and physical or emotional abuse.

The fact is that loving and caring feelings and emotions in a relationship can wither and die-out if not fed and nurtured. This degenerative process can progress beyond the point where many people are unwilling to work to repair their relationship.

Fail to deal effectively with any of these problems and growing resentment, anger and disgust, along with the belief that nothing will ever change, can destroy your relationship. This process is often slow and insidious and it can take years to develop.

Look for signs of trouble and talk them over. Listen to feedback from trusted friends and loved-ones. Act earlier rather than later, acting earlier is symbolic of your love, acting too late is frequently symbolic of fear and dependency. Seek the assistance of a Ph.D. level psychologist experienced in relationship counseling. Personality testing is often very helpful to this process.

Look-out for the blind-side divorce and the great damage it can do to families and their children.

God Bless, Dr. Tom
4/24/10

Our Operant Behavior

2010-04-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

Our Operant Behavior

In some ways operant behaviors are the most important of all of our behaviors. We will therefore discuss operant behavior first. A good general way to identify which of our many behaviors is operant is to identify its physiological roots. Operant behavior is influenced by our central nervous system (our brain and spinal chord) and it is executed by thinking and/or by moving. This may sound simple, but of course, it is not. We use movement to talk, write, send email, to make and rear children, and to make war, etc. Movements require the use our skeletal (striped) muscles, which involves so much of our operant behavior.

The Simple Contingency

A simple contingency (con-tin-gin-see) only specifies that one thing must happen (a specific behavior) before another thing happens (a consequence). It includes only a behavior and a consequence.

So, for example, if you want the door to open, you must turn the knob and pull or push. If you want a home loan you must select a mortgage company and make-out an application. The door is likely to open and the loan likely to be granted, contingent upon your doing the appropriate behavior. Similarly, a child may learn to make a polite request because that gets him what he wants. Or, a child may learn to throw a temper tantrum because that gets him what he wants.

A more complicated contingency involves three separate things. This is called the three-term-contingency and it involves 1. the situation or events that happen before a behavior, 2. the behavior, and 2. the consequence. Operant behavior takes place in the real world in countless fluid ways. But all operant behavior can easily be seen in this before, behavior, and after context. From birth to death we are immersed in a universe of three-term-contingencies. Again, the three parts to the world of our operant thoughts and actions are.

1. The stimuli or cues from our environment that precede our actions.

2. Our specific behaviors or actions in the presence of those stimuli or cues.

3. The consequences of our actions that may strengthen or weaken the probability that we will do those actions again in the future.

Human operant behavior changes as its physical and social environment changes and as the consequences of behavior change. We should not miss the fact that normally the most skilled sailors live by the sea, the best trackers and hunters live in the forest, and the best mountain climbers live in the mountains. When people in these environments behave effectively they are rewarded: they eat well and prosper. If they fail to do so, they may perish.

It took a detailed scientific analysis, based upon E. L. Thorndike’s (1987) Law of Effect, to understand and appreciate how the environment shapes our behavior into complex bundles of actions that are both common among most everyone and also those that are unique to each of us. The law of effect relates to operant behavior and, as you may recall, it simply states that consequences control operant behavior.

Dr. Tom 4/21/10

Two Basic Kinds of Behavior

2010-04-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

Two Basic Kinds of Behavior

There are only two kinds of behavior in humans and other animals. One kind of behavior is called Operant Behavior because it “operates”, or acts, on the environment. Most important, operant behavior is controlled by its consequences. Consequences are said to “control” our behavior because they increase (strengthen) or decrease (weaken) the future frequency of the behaviors they follow. Consequences influence our operant behavior probabilistically, not absolutely. For example, a child who is praised for helping with a chore, is more likely to help others in the future. A child who is allowed to push another child down and take their toy, is more likely to be aggressive to others in the future.

The only other kind of behavior is Respondent Behavior. The word respondent means that these behaviors are reflexive responses to specific stimuli. Common examples of our respondent behavior are being startled by a loud noise, snapping our had away from a hot flame, or salivating when we put food in our mouths.

As you will see, these two apparently simple kinds of behavior, and they ways they can be learned, are of huge importance to the lives of fellow citizens and to our socioculture.

Dr. Tom 4/20/10

Our Own High Risk

2010-04-19T05:33:00.000-07:00

Our Own High Risk

Whenever we overlook the roll of the natural principles of psychology in shaping the behavior of our citizens and our culture, we do so at our own high risk.

Stand-by for the principles!

Dr. Tom 4/19/10

Top-Down Influences on Culture

2010-04-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

Top-Down Influences on Culture

Of course, bottom-up influences are only part of the picture. There are also very powerful top-down influences on our population’s behavior as various levels of our government adopt laws and rules that can strongly affect, even regulate, how people behave to each other. Some examples of top-down influences are the profound growth of government control, increasing taxes and the legalization of pornography, gambling, marijuana (under the pretext of medical applications) and a media that increasingly attacks traditional family and religious values and showcases antisocial behavior through its many venues.

What happens in our culture when top-down influences evolve that are in strong conflict with traditional bottom up influences; or, when subcultures bring their own dramatically different top-down and bottom-up forces into our existing socioculture? What happens to families and the future citizens that they produce when science and technology alter the physical, social and moral environment dramatic ways? How do these environmental changes impact the principles of psychology that shape the ways in which we and our children see, feel and behave toward each other?

These are only some of the “big picture” concerns that need our closest attention. It is good to mention these major issues now, because these are the ones we must attempt to answer in the end. With some of these larger issues in mind, we can be on the look-out for the smaller (seemingly insignificant) factors that may be powerfully related to big and very important cultural outcomes.

We will return to these big picture concerns in due time. But, in order to understand the larger dynamics of cultural change, we must first understand a few key principles of psychology and how they powerfully influence the behavior of individuals within a population.

Dr. Tom 4/18/10

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Bottom-up Influences on Culture

2010-04-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

Bottom-Up Influences on Culture

Psychology has traditionally studied countless environmental influences on the behavior of individuals. In recent decades some psychologists have started to analyze ways in which principles of individual and group behavior can lead to cultural changes. For example, how hundreds of thousands of people raise their children will have a far-reaching impact upon the future collective behavior of our population.

Changes in the ways that these children grow to behave amongst other people will influence their perceptions, thoughts, feelings and behavior for better or worse. The summation of these influences which constantly swirl through our population is a big part of the cultural changes that we all experience.

A clear, though sad, example of such bottom-up cultural change is the child born in a ghetto to a single unemployed drug addicted mother. Such a child will likely suffer neglect, abuse, drug addiction, school failure, gang membership, and engage in violent crimes against others. This is a tragedy for the child and for all others who’s lives his behavior will influence (family, social workers, teachers, police, medical personnel, victims, and those who work in our court systems, penial employees, and victims). What we fail to see is that it is also a tragedy for the various institutions that employ these workers that are increasingly overwhelmed and we tax payers who are required to pay more of our hard-earned income to keep these institutions solvent.

A far more desirable bottom-up cultural influence would be a mother and father who are committed and loving mates and parents. These parents have children that they can afford to raise under healthy conditions. They identify and agree upon their childrearing goals, set appropriate limits for their child’s behavior and use humane and effective methods to teach their children the many skills and abilities needed to live well and do good things with their lives. These parents will provide teaching consequences to their children, but they will also understand that their children will watch them and imitate their actions. Therefore, they too will seek to live well and do good things with their lives and for their children in order to “show them the way”. They generally show kind, courteous, encouraging and loving behavior to their children, to each other and to others. All of this makes it likely that these children will grow to treat their own children and others in similar ways.

The parents in this positive example will also protect their children from the toxic effects of our entertainment media which showcase profanity, drugs, sex, violence and other irresponsible lifestyles. When children repeatedly witness these damaging behaviors, they are prone to imitate them with bad effects for both them and society.

From moment to moment, in any society, such individual “grass-roots” bottom-up human events are occurring by the billions. Without question, the behavior patterns learned by children who’s behavior is shaped by parents, families and their communities become a major influence in the evolution of our whole culture.

Dr. Tom 4/17/10

Psychology!

2010-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Psychology!

The powerful truth that B. F. Skinner has tried to tell us is that our most enduring and significant problems are a result of our own behavior. The solutions to these problems are in our understanding and wise use of well-known scientifically validated principles that determine our behavior. These historically ignored principles can be found in the science of psychology.

The following is a quote of B. F. Skinner from his book, Beyond Freedom and Dignity.

In trying to solve the terrifying problems that face us in the world today, we naturally turn to the things we do best. We play from strength, and our strength is science and technology. To contain a population explosion we look for better methods of birth control. Threatened by a nuclear holocaust, we build bigger deterrent forces and anti-ballistic-missile systems. We try to stave off world famine with new foods and better ways of growing them. Improved sanitation and medicine will, we hope, control disease, better housing and transportation will solve the problems of the ghettos, and new ways of reducing or disposing of waste will stop the pollution of the environment. We can point to remarkable achievements in all these fields, and it is not surprising that we should try to extend them. But things grow steadily worse, and it is disheartening to find that technology itself is increasingly at fault. Sanitation and medicine have made the problems of population more acute, war has acquired a new horror with the invention of nuclear weapons, and the affluent pursuit of happiness is largely responsible for pollution. As Darlington has said, ‘Every new source from which man has increased his power on the earth has been used to diminish the prospects of his successors.’ All his progress has been made at the expense of damage to his environment which he cannot repair and could not foresee.

Whether or not he could have foreseen the damage, man must repair it or all is lost. And he can do so if he will recognize the nature of the difficulty. The application of the physical and biological sciences alone will not solve our problems because the solutions lie in another field. Better contraceptives will control population only if people use them. New weapons may offset new defenses and vice versa, but a nuclear holocaust can be prevented only if the conditions under which nations make war can be changed. New methods of agriculture and medicine will not help if they are not practiced, and housing is a matter not only of buildings and cities but of how people live. Overcrowding can be corrected only by inducing people not to crowd, and the environment will continue to deteriorate until polluting practices are abandoned.

In short, we need to make vast changes in human behavior, and we cannot make them with the help of nothing more than physics or biology, no matter how hard we try.

End Skinner Quote.

Dr. Tom 4/16/10

Behavioral Contagion: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

2010-04-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Some individuals show an extreme preoccupation with rules, order, organization, schedules, and doing things the correct way. In fact, they often become so wrapped up in the details of their perfectionism that they lose sight of the main goal or purpose and fail to complete their tasks. They may become excessively dedicated to their work, they often do not have time for friends and leisure. Other personality features include being overly conscientious and inflexible in their views of morality, ethics and values. Individuals with this disorder often rather formal and cool in their relationships with others and so they frequently are not comfortable in social situations. They also tend to be humorless and critical of other’s and they tend to think that no one else can do a job as well as they can. Therefore, they have trouble delegating work. When they take on a demanding task they frequently retreat into the details of the project to such a degree that they may be unable to make timely progress. Other personality characteristics include hoarding useless possessions, miserliness with money, and rigidity and stubbornness.

A representative example

A couple sought marriage counseling because the wife complained about her husband’s need to always be in control. The therapist found him to be a very serious and reserved individual who was uncomfortable talking about his feelings. The wife complained that even small changes in plans upset him, he was angered over the normal messiness and disarray caused by the play of their three young children. The wife praised him for the way he kept the lawn, bushes, patio, garage, cars, and all things that he was “in charge of”, but was frustrated and angered that he was constantly critical of her and “nagging” about the ways she managed her part of the partnership. He complained that the meals not always on time, the bathrooms were unsanitary, the kid’s hair was not right, there were spots on the dishes, there was dust, and much more. Friends and relatives also saw her husband as being way too critical and worried about details. It was clear that the wife was not a poor housekeeper or mother.

There was constant tension between she and her husband over such details and she correctly surmised that she could never please him no matter how she tried. She reported that they were growing less loving to each other and worried that the children were being affected by there deteriorating relationship.

In therapy, the husband launched one complaint after another and was irritated at the therapist whenever he attempted to portray his home life as being common to families deep into child rearing. He stubbornly refused to consider that any of his criticisms were unjustified.

The prognosis for any significant change in this troubled relationship was poor.

Possible Causes

It has long been thought that the excessive concerns for neatness and orderliness must have been caused by overly ridged and punishing methods of toilet training children, who then adopted these demanding standards for the rest of their lives. Frankly, many psychologists consider this to be a gross oversimplification of the problem. I share this view.

While exact causes of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder are unknown, it seems most likely that they reside in an interaction of modeling and imitation, rewards (reinforcement) and punishment, and perhaps there are even biological determinants which will someday be identified.

I have often observed that Obsessive compulsive individuals have also come from homes in which there has been intense fear and anxiety related to abuse, nasty divorces, or other tragedies. From this perspective, the great control that these individuals attempt to impose upon their world would appear to be a defense against the anxiety produced by things beyond their control.

Neither the husband or the wife wanted a divorce. But, regrettably, with the passing years of continued conflict the likelihood of a divorce would increase for this family.

This example further illustrates that the mechanisms and effects of bad behavioral contagion can be subtle and far reaching.

Dr. Tom, 4/8/10

Behavioral Contagion: Histrionic Personality Disorder

2010-04-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

Histrionic Personality Disorder

Individuals diagnosed with Histrionic Disorder often act as though they were “on stage” performing for a large audience. They are theatrical in the ways that they exaggerate their emotions, use drama, and use exaggerated speech. The exaggerated emotions of this personality type were once named Hysterical Personality Disorder. These individuals may dress in ways that make their physical appearance the focus of everyone’s attention. They are uncomfortable when they lose the attention of other’s and they may react in sexually suggestive and provocative ways to remain “center stage”. Others around them may initially see these behaviors as attractive, exciting or charming. However, histrionic behavior patterns make it difficult to maintain close and enduring relationships. After a time, the over-exaggerated happy and excited or profoundly upset and sad emotions become intolerable to many others. They often come to see such emotional displays as shallow and manipulative. This leads to chronic relationship problems.

A Representative Example

She was very beautiful young woman who shined and sparkled in every way. She was a bleach blond, with heavy make-up, lots of jewelry, and she dressed in short dresses with plunging neck lines. She also had the ability to move into a social setting and “take over the spotlight”. She was witty, charming, entertaining, and she had and infectious laugh that enlivened happy social occasions. The lady had a special ability to make a man think that she was attracted to him and that she was “available” to him. She “never met a stranger”, and was never at a loss for words.

The lady in question was married to her third husband who was very jealous of her flirtatious ways with other men. He did his best to satisfy her extravagant wants and desires, but she always wanted more. He did his best to raise his step son, but the boy was oppositional and defiant to him, as he treated his mother the same way. This ladies husband found his family life to be in constant conflict and turmoil.

If the husband took exception to her dramatic or flirtatious behaviors, she was “deeply wounded” and her anger at him could last for days. She was as extreme in her upset as she was in her joy and happiness.

The marriage ended when her husband found out that she had been arranging to meet a lover (another married man)when she was away on business trips.

Possible Causes

Histrionic personality disorder is thought to be caused by emotionally cold and over-controlling parents who have caused their children to feel unloved and fearful of abandonment. These kinds of early experiences are thought, for many, to lead to extremely high needs for attention and nurturance from others in adult life. It is thought that by creating situations in which they play the role of a victim, in some form of crisis, these individuals are able to manipulate others into supporting and caring for them. Histrionic behavior patterns are thought to be a defense against a deep fear of rejection and abandonment. At other times they are extremely skilled at using different methods to remain the center of attention.

The spread of psychological problems within a population resulting from Histrionic personality disorders can occur through the ways in which these individuals treat their children. In the example above, the son became frustrated, angry and oppositional towards not only his mother and step father, but also all other adults. The series of divorces that this woman experienced was not only harmful to her son and her extended family, but also to her husbands, their families, and any children that the husband may have brought to his new marriage. Also, in the example above, the woman had an afair with another married man which threatens to be a destructive force in that family.

Dr. Tom 4/7/10

Behavioral Contagion of Psychological Problems

2010-04-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

Behavioral Contagion of Psychological Problems

Brice Petgen wrote:

I have been studying quite a bit about personality disorders this semester. It is rather fortuitous that your blog entries have been what they have been recently. The more I learn the more I come to the realization that personality disorders are really disorders based on, and developed from, interpersonal relations. There is no pill that can alleviate these disorders. They only “fix” I see is a therapeutic approach with a strong relational basis. We, as therapists, must gain the trust of our client. We must create the environment in which the client can display these deficits in interpersonal relations. At that point we must address the deficits or distortions. CBT and behavioral techniques can be quite useful then to challenge the views and meanings that underlie the issue. Plus quite a bit of insight from the client is required. But that becomes the most difficult, due to the fact that the client generally does not see a problem. In essence we are attempting to help the client change who they are as a person. Now that is quite a bit of heavy lifting.

Dr. Tom wrote:

Yes, Brice, the concept of behavioral contagion is nicely illustrated using the personality disorders. You are correct that therapy with those who suffer from Personality Disorders is “heavy lifting” for both the therapist and the client. In fact, the message of behavioral contagion is that the only winning way to deal with the increasing spread of behavioral/emotional problems within a population is through prevention. Perhaps you recall the ol’ nursery rhyme, “All of the kings men and all of the kings horses couldn’t put poor Humpty Dumpty together again”. That is to say, all of the therapists that we could possibly field cannot stem the flow of Americans with psychological problems. The name of the game must be the prevention of psychological disorders…When it comes to “people raising”, doing it right the first time around is what must be done. That will require some major changes in our American socioculture. And that really is some “heavy lifting”!

Thanks for your thoughtful reply Brice.

Dr. Tom 4/6/10

Behavoral Contagion: Dependent Personality Disorder

2010-04-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

Dependent Personality Disorder

We all depend upon others. Indeed, to be socially connected to others is to be interdependent with them. But individuals diagnosed with dependent personality disorder show a near total reliance upon others who make almost all of their major and minor decisions for them, to bolster their self-esteem, and to care for their child-like needs. These individuals strongly feel that they cannot manage their own lives (though they may be capable), they are unable to assert their personal needs in a relationship, and they are desperate to hang-on to those on whom they depend---no matter what. As a result, such individuals lack the ability to manage their own lives and behave as a fully functional adult. Such individuals dread separation from those who they let run their lives, they are often depressed, and can suffer from suicidal thinking. They will often do degrading things in order not to lose the ones they depend on.

All of these features can worsen if they feel they are going to be abandoned by their care-taker (parent, boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse). As a result, these individuals often suffer emotional and physical abuse at the hands of others, and they may tolerate emotional, physical, or sexual abuse of their children by those upon whom they are pathologically dependent.

If separated from those who they depend upon, they are likely to quickly “latch-on” to another dependent relationship to avoid feelings of intense anxiety and fear.

Representative Examples

It is not hard to identify examples of dependent personality disorder. These problems are most prevalent in women, but they can and do occur in men.

I recall the shocking media pictures from several decades ago, of wife and mother who had been beaten for many years by her husband, a successful New York attorney. Her face was shockingly disfigured by the chronic beatings she had endured.

To compound this tragedy, the mother also allowed her husband to beat her young daughter. This couple was prosecuted when an autopsy of their dead child revealed broken bones dating back to her earliest years of life.

A woman with three children sought the help of a therapist to extricate her and her children from an abusive marriage. The man had beat her repeatedly in front of her children, had held them all at gun point threatening to kill them. The therapist worked diligently to get this woman to take action: providing the phone number of the local women's shelter, prompting to call and talk to the professionals there, and to make the necessary plans to leave her home in a safe manner to gain refuge at the woman's shelter. The woman withdrew from therapy and stayed with this man.

Possible Causes

Dependent personality disorder has traditionally been thought to result from a lack of loving care during the first year or so of life. This could lead to a desperate life-long search for care and nurturance. As with so many other personality disorders, parental separation, loss, or rejection have often been implicated. Some theorists suggest that opposite causes of parental over-protectiveness and over-involvement in their children's lives could yield the same excessive dependency needs in later life. Behavioral explanations suggest that parents may actually reward (reinforce) extreme dependence in their children and punish their efforts at independence by withdrawing their love and support. It is also possible that some parents show their own dependency problems and their children come to imitate their dependent behaviors.

Dr. Tom 4/5/10

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T15:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter!

When well-developed scientific evidence is in support of the world’s great religious teachings about desirable moral and ethical human conduct: That is a very important observation.

With regard to human behavior and its consequences for both individuals and their sociocultures, in the material world, the great religions and the principles of behavioral psychology appear to be in very close accord. What appears to drive successful evolution at all levels of existence is selection by consequences.

Science is a method for understanding our universe. If one happens to believe that God created us and our universe, they may also conclude that a true science of behavior is a God-Given aid in the quest to discover God's Truths about how to approximate Heaven on earth.

If you not happen to believe that God created us and our universe then you may still contemplate paragraph one and two of this writing and do the best you can alone, or with the help of others.

God’s Blessings to you on and your loved ones.

Dr. Tom, Easter 2010

Written 11/30/07, Edited 2006 and 4/4/10

Behavioral Contagion: Avoidant Personality Disorder

2010-04-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder can become isolated from other people in a way that looks superficially similar to the schizoid personality type.

The big difference is that the schizoid really does not want, or feel, the need to have a relationship with anyone. They are content in their state of relative social isolation. The avoidant individual is actually lonely, unhappy, and desirous of close and loving relationships. But, after seeking and acheiving a relationship with someone, they thenbegin to withdraw from it. This process may repeat itself many times, and is likely to destroy marriages, romantic relationshops and friendships.

What appears to stand in their way of achieving lasting intimacy is their fear of criticism, fear of appearing inadequate, and fear of being rejected by those who with whom they wish to be close. These individuals withdraw from relationships because and they are uncomfortable with psychological intimacy and they fear shame, ridicule, and failure. They struggle to overcome feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, but they are inhibited and become isolated by these feelings.

If someone with these avoidant tendencies does find the courage to enter an intimate relationship with someone, they are apt to vacillate in and out of it until the relationship is destroyed. These anxieties about inadequacy are pervasive and they can inhibit other social, vocational, recreational and educational opportunities. Through it all, those with avoidant personality features feel lonely and unfulfilled.

A Representative Example

A handsome, bright, and articulate man in his thirties once sought counseling because of his distress in a relationship with his fiancee. His chief complaint was that she was the perfect woman for him, but “he could not help doing the things that damaged their relationship” and made it less likely that they would ever marry.

He would purposefully be late for their various dates and other events. He would not call for long periods of time and at other times would be quiet and cool in their relationship for reasons that he could not understand. At other times he would “pull himself together” and be especially attentive and caring to her, before he slipped into another cycle of avoidance of intimacy. The man was deeply distressed and perplexed by his inability to form a lasting intimate relationship a woman and he recounted many such failed attempts in the past with other girlfriends. Not only was he very unhappy, but so were the ones that he attempted to have relationships with.

Possible Causes

Therapists have found that individuals showing avoidant personality symptoms often were shamed and ridiculed by parents, who were highly critical and who did not showed much love and affection. It is thought that children so treated are in danger of “internalizing” (believing that such treatment reflects their true nature) and then continuing this treatment of themselves in their own thinking.

Many clinicians also think that this culture’s high rates of divorce can traumatize children into fearing such outcomes in their own lives if they attempt to have close and enduring relationships with others. In fact, this appeared to be the case with the man described above. The divorce of his parents was an exceedingly painful loss for him and (as typical of children) he had feared that he might have had something to do with it, hence his feelings of being flawed and inferior in some ways.

This is another example of bad behavioral contagion. There are conditions under which divorce is advisable such as abuse, chronic addiction, or chronic infidelity. However, I believe that divorce is very bad for the children involved and some of the effects are fairly subtle.

Often the tendency of young adults to remain single longer than in the past, and to divorce at alarmingly high rates, is attributed to various socio-economic factors,. The spread of relationship insecurities within our population, now called Avoidant Personality Disorder, contributes to this trend and it self-propagates through the mechanisms of behavioral contagion.

Dr. Tom 4/3/10

Pornography Is Bad For America

2010-04-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

Pornography Is Bad For America

The following is a copy of a post that I did some time ago. I represent it here because I know that not many of those who view my current posts are likely to search back through my history of postings. I also represent it because a friend and former colleague has asked my opinion on a matter related to pornography and its effects upon culture.

My last, deep and comprehensive, analysis of the research literature on the effects of pornography was published 12 years ago. I spent two years on this project, almost exclusively and will not be able to match that effort again at this time. I am certain that there are new findings that will support and that will not support my conclusions. I am certain that, as in my previous analysis of the data available, philosophy and politics has biased many of the findings and opinions.

As a psychologist, my own assessment is not just based upon the research findings however. It was, and remains, based upon the principles/laws that underly Social Learning Theory, Operant Conditioning and Respondent Conditioning of humans and other animals. These principles, laws, and learning mechanisms predict that certain response tendencies will emerge from repeatedly pairing orgasms with a particular class of stimuli. Within this process new patterns of sexual arousal can be learned, new thoughts and images can become very frequent, new patterns of behavior can be fantasized, and new patterns of sexual behavior will become more likely. The conditionability of the consumer of pornography is especially heightened during puberty, but is present for many years.

The depictions in modern pornography include, children and young teens ( simulated or real), homosexuals, groups, aggression, torture, disfiguration, feces and urine, and animals, to name only a few categories.

Given what I have learned about human conditioning and learning over the past 47 years of study and observation (36 years as a professor and a concurrent 30 years as a psychotherapist), there is no way that flooding a population (children included) with the vivid pornographic depictions listed above will not produce an increased rate of human sexual actions that are harmful to a large number of individuals involved, in many different ways, and to their socioculture.

I have added an interesting post (following my own) from another source, to update my own post with more current observations of the many ways that problems produced by the porn industry can affect peoples lives. This posting will follow my own.

Yes, there is research and opinion to suggest no harm from the infusion of pornography into various cultures. I simply do not believe it.

My original posting follows:

It is so popular and comfortable to say that “whatever consenting adults choose to do is okay”. But there are consequences beyond what consenting adults choose to do, when they do “it” publicly. The same can also be said about some of the things that consenting adults do in private.

The hard reality is that many of our newly granted sexual freedoms (illegal less than one life-time ago) are severely damaging everyone, especially our young adults and children. These new sexual freedoms must therefore damaging our culture: How could it be otherwise?

As a psychologist, I have frequently witnessed the devastating effects of the scientifically flawed conclusions of President Johnson’s Committee on Pornography which recommended the legalization of pornography in 1970. In 1986 President Reagan’s Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography concluded that the earlier Commission’s findings of no relation between pornography and antisocial behavior was “starkly obsolete”. We now know much more about the effects of pornographic sexual stimulation upon humans than we did in 1970. What has been learned explains much of our sex-related human suffering and loss brought by a series of ignorant and irresponsible Court decisions mandating a nation-wide torrent of dramatically explicit pornography.

The following is a brief summary of scientific research findings about the effects of pornography viewing upon human thoughts, emotions, and behavior that I have previously published [Mawhinney, V.T. (1998). Behavior and Social Issues, 8, 2, 159-193].

1. Violent portrayals of sex can increase sexual aggression in the viewer. Graphic sexual violence is common in XXX and R-rated films rented by adults and teens from neighborhood video rental stores.
2. Much of pornography depicts women in grossly disrespected, exploited, and/ or sexually abused rolls. I am stunned by the absence of outrage among Women’s Liberation organizations.
3. The millions who masturbate while viewing the deviant sexual displays that flood the internet (teens and kids, urine and defecation, pain and torture, and sex with animals, etc.) are auto-erotically conditioning their own increased appetite for such portrayals. The same is true of any genre of pornography.
4. Both violent and nonviolent sexual portrayals can increase aggression in men when some other impulse-control impairing event is added such as drugs, alcohol, or frustration.
5. Commonly depicted rape scenes in which females finally acquiesce, and enjoy the sex, perpetuates the idea that female pleasure is a common outcome of forced sex.
6. Viewing rape depictions can reduce the estimated seriousness of such assaults for both men and woman and the severity of the punishment that they recommend for the rapist.
7. Viewing pornography can cause the viewer to overestimate the commonality of the sexual activities observed. It can also increase the viewers expectations that such behavior will occur in their own relationships with others and that others will probably be willing participants.
8. Viewing pornography “primes” the observer to think about sex more often and this increases the probability of sexual behavior.
9. Watching attractive male and female sexual models in pornography can reduce the viewer’s judgement of the attractiveness of their own mate, increasing dissatisfaction.
10. Pornography was a very small industry in the early 1960’s. By the mid-1990’s its revenues had grown to over 10 billion dollars per year. One recent estimate places this nation’s annual “mainstreamed” pornography earnings at about 56 billion dollars. The legalization of pornography has stimulated monumental new business growth and very substantial new revenues for our predatory government.

The longer-term consequences of our incompetent sexual experiment are unprecedented personal and financial costs for increased illegitimate births, sexually transmitted diseases, rapes, child molestations, sexual infidelity in relationships and increased divorce rates. The flood of pornography is a significant partial determinant of all of these painful events. I submit that this is not “new found freedom”, it is a deadly form of social chaos.

And what about our local strip clubs? The mixture of sexual stimulation, tension, alcohol, and frustration in a testosterone “saturated” local strip club frequently ends in physical brutality, violence, and death. Only the naive are surprised and shocked.

Do you really think a community gains more from these sex clubs than it loses? The costs to a city’s reputation are incalculable. The financial losses will be enormous. Consider the costs to law enforcement, emergency medical services, hospitals, and to our judicial and penal system. This “little object lesson” is an example of bad behavioral contagion. It is the spread of damaging behavior patterns within our lives, in large part, caused by the drug and sex practices that are encouraged by our own socioculture.

Of course one can make the First Amendment argument. But our founding fathers could never have dreamed that the meaning of “freedom of expression” would be so distorted to inflict an avalanche of pornography upon this nation. Many of us, born and raised in the 1940’s and 1950’s, felt very free indeed: We enjoyed freedom from the culture-wide pornography related human misery that now enslaves us all.

What do our children learn from all of this? And how many of us care anymore? It saddens me to say this, but each generation appears to be breeding a next generation that is increasingly more troubled than the one before. Our addiction to pornography is a large part of this problem. If you think that this culture’s sex, drugs, violence, and other impulse-control problems are bad now—just wait. There is much worse to come.

What can be done? The mark of emotionally healthy individuals and cultures is their ability to deny immediate gratification to achieve long-term rewards. All across this great nation, good citizens and their good governments must do all that they can to reverse our cultural sexual addiction contagion— and we must do it very soon. Eliminating the recreational sex industry within your own communities is a step in the right direction.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. 11/08/09

This is a slight revision of an article that I published in the South Bend (Indiana) Tribune approximately 9 years ago.

Dr. Tom, 4/1/10

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

2010-03-30T05:17:00.000-07:00

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The narcissistic behavior pattern is one of total intense self-love and adoration. Like in the Greek myth in which a boy named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water, these individuals are totally self-absorbed. These individuals exaggerate their own worth, talents, and accomplishments and they expect recognition for their wonderful superiority. They have strong fantasies of their own high success, genius, beauty or ideal love and they require great admiration from others as well as special treatment. This overblown sense of self-importance leads to arrogant and superior attitudes, a deep lack of empathy for the needs and feelings of others, and the expectation of special treatment and association with only superior people and institutions. These individuals are often jealous and exploitive of others and see them as being inferior to themselves.

A Representative Example

A lady complained that her date for a first (and last) evening talked only of himself, and never once asked her anything about herself. For much of the evening she indulged his selfish one-sided conversation. When she finally told him that he was rude and self-centered and apparently had little interest in who she was, he reacted with laughter and a hint of righteous indignation stating: "of course I talked about myself, I am the most interesting person that I have ever met!"

Possible Causes

Narcissistic personality disorder has traditionally been thought to be a very strong hand hard to penetrate defense against a terrible fear of inferiority. Some researchers think that these behavior patterns are reaction to cold and rejecting parents. The idea is that narcissistic defenses of dramatic self-love and over-confidence in their perfection helps these individuals to cope with feelings of worthlessness caused by a history of abuse, death of a parent, Parental divorce, or adoption.

A more contemporary theory is that Narcissistic behaviors are learned when children are treated with too much adoration and favor. From this perspective, children learn to overestimate their own "wonderfulness". This mechanism seems to be involved because first borns and only children are known to be more Narcissistic than are later children from larger families.

It is also suspected that a present breakdown in our culture may lead to children who are, and remain, impulsive, self-centered, and highly materialistic. From this perspective, we are in an age of selfishness or generational narcissism.

2010-03-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

Antisocial Personality Disorder

This destructive personality disorder tends to emerge from childhood patterns of a disregard for the feelings and rights of others and for family, institutional, or social conventions,rules and laws. Childhood diagnoses for such behavior patterns are Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Conduct Disorder. These disorders are listed under Axis I in the DSM-IV. I have presented them here with Axis II disorders because I think it is important that you see the tendency of these childhood problems to evolve into similar but more fully developed adult behavior patterns. It does not always happen, but all too frequently these behavior patterns tend to develop through one or two other child and adolescent diagnoses into its fully mature manifestation known as Antisocial Personality Disorder. The developmental steps toward the fully mature personality disorder are as follows:

In Oppositional Defiant Disorder, children challenge adult rules and demands, argue with adults, have often have bad temper problems, lie and blame others for their troubles. These problems normally start before puberty at around eight years of age.

Conduct Disorder is a more severe pattern of problem behaviors in which the rights of others are frequently violated. These children often lie, cheat, damage property, and run away from school and/or home. They may often aggress against others and may even hurt animals for entertainment. Other illegal activities such a robbery, extortion, rape, and murder may also occur in extreme cases. Conduct disorder can start sometime before 10 years or in later adolescence.

When an individual reaches the age of 18 years and still shows the enough of the previously mentioned behavior patterns they will be diagnosed as antisocial personality disorder. Individuals showing these behavior patterns are also sometimes called "sociopaths" or "psychopaths"; the names may change--but the behaviors the same.

As adults, these people show a strong disregard for the rights of others and the rule of law. They appear to have failed to develop the ability to empathize with others and they do not suffer conscious pangs of consciousness if they hurt or kill others. They are impulsive, seek thrills, take risks, are unreliable, spend money foolishly, can be irritable and aggressive, and have trouble maintaining close relationships with anyone. The motto for this category of diagnosis may be "if I want it---I'll take it, if it feels good---I'll do it: lying, cheating, manipulating, and stealing is good fun."

A Representative Example

Not surprisingly, these individuals have problems with drug and alcohol addiction and are often sentenced to prison for criminal behavior. Charles Manson is often cited as someone who shows many of the features of antisocial personality disorder, as well as other psychological problems.

A thirty year old man sought help from a therapist because he claimed to be having problems with his wife and wished to leave her for his girlfriend, of over one year. He attended only several sessions and attempted to persuade the therapist that leaving his wife and four children for his girlfriend was the right thing for him to do.

He contended that his wife was unstable. When the therapist discussed his responsibilities to his wife and children, and his moral obligation to work on his problem (actually only his reported “problem”) he did not return. Predictably he did not pay the bill for his sessions.

It was apparent that he was seeking a psychologist to support him in an impending court battle with his wife. At the start of the first session, this individual, with unmistakable pride and pleasure, reeled off a report of the drugs he had taken (nearly all that we might think of), the fights, the high speed chases with the police, fires that he set, a car he blew up, a "knee capping" ("shoot the guy in the knee cap --it won't kill them but it will hurt like hell--and others won't mess with you anymore"), and a stint in prison. He seemed excited to tell the therapist what he called the "Sicilian Motto": "The sweetest form of forgiveness is revenge!" Yes, these and similar behavior patterns extended back into this man's childhood; and yes, the diagnosis was antisocial personality disorder.

As you may already surmised, his wife’s psychological problems were largely a result of living with him. She would eventually divorce him, but he would remain a very damaging factor in his children’s lives. If he would remain connected to him, which is doubtful, he would be a very bad model for them to imitate. If he deserted them, they would suffer feelings of abandonment for the rest of their lives. It is common for such divorcing personality disordered individuals to remain unreliably connected to their ex spouses and children to frustrate and torture their ex and to propagandize their children against her or him. They will frequently spend significant sums of money and time to hire lawyers to drain their meager funds with legal fees and make them miserable.

The above is a strong example of how behavioral contagion can damage others who are associated with someone who suffers from a serious personality disorder. Unfortunately, research strongly indicates that anti-social personality disorder has a significant heritability factor and so behavior patterns similar to those of the problem parent are more likely to show-up in the children as they mature.

Suspected Causes

Genes

Antisocial personality disorder is perhaps the best researched of all the personality disorders. There is strong evidence that tendencies to show antisocial personality disorder can be inherited. Many studies have demonstrated elevated correlations in antisocial behavior of within families.

While some of the similarities could be due to imitation factors, children adopted and raised by adoptive parents still show stronger correlations for antisocial behavior with their biological parents than with their adoptive parents.

There is evidence that individuals with antisocial tendencies have slower central nervous systems, lower levels of autonomic nervous system arousal and slower skin conductance than normal individuals. They crave excitement and are not much affected by punishing consequences for their inappropriate behavior. One of the earmarks such individuals is their failure to learn from their painful experiences.

Learning

Antisocial personality disordered individuals are very likely to have lived in families that experienced poverty, disorganization, discord, family violence, divorce, abuse and abandonment. Presumably as a result of this, antisocial individuals do not trust others and they lack the moral development and interpersonal empathy so important to normal social relationships.

It is also thought that antisocial parents may teach their children to behave in similar ways through their modeling these behavior patterns and children learning to imitate them. Furthermore, it is very possible that when children tantrum, argue, and become aggressive to parental instructions that parents may "give-in" and terminate their demands, thereby teaching the children to behave in these oppositional and coercive ways to authority figures.

It should also be noted that Children diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder seem to at an increased risk of eventually being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.

It is likely that any, or all, of these factors could contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder in any specific case.

If these behavior pattern emerge in your family, seek help early from an experienced psychologist. Protect yourselves from association with others who show antisocial tendencies and vote for representatives who will work to reduce the growth of these behavioral tendencies
within our population.

Dr. Tom, 3/27/10

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

2010-03-25T13:49:00.000-07:00

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Schizotypal symptoms are truly odd. These individuals do not quite meet the requirements for a diagnosis of schizophrenia (a more serious disorder), but they show many milder similarities ---minus the verbal incoherence and complete loss of touch with reality as seen in active schizophrenia. Schizotypal symptoms include ideas of reference (the words of a popular song “are instructions for me to do something”), strange superstitions, the feeling that they can “read minds”, or that they can see the world through a "sixth sense" (seeing ghosts). These individuals think and talk in odd ways that are elaborate but vague and complicated; their thinking is paranoid in nature; they show inappropriate or flattened emotions; lack close friends outside of their immediate family; and they show excessive social anxiety and suspicions fears. People with this disorder are at risk for suicide attempts and to be hospitalized with other mental psychological problems.

A Representative Example

The mother brought her child for treatment because he was overly-interested in weapons, combat games, and always wanted to dress in black. The mother showed distinct features of schizotypal personality disorder in that she believed that she could communicate with her dead relatives when she was in a certain mental state. The state she described was that of being tired enough to go to sleep, yet not quit being sleep: but she also had to be in a high state of need or desire to communicate which in order to achieve success. Her mood while elaborately describing this process was high, almost giddy. At times she would become extremely serious and lower her voice to a whisper. The lady also said that she could detect "life forms" in a room without ever seeing them. She proceeded to describe times when she could feel them and later discovered a family pet sleeping behind a piece of furniture. She swore that she had seen the ghost of a former pet (a black puppy wearing a red collar under a table) and asked her therapist not to show skepticism about this event to her son.

Suspected Causes

Schizotypal personality disorder is thought to be associated with odd and confusing family communication styles and may also have a genetic basis. This personality disorder may have biological similarities to schizophrenia Increased levels of the neurotransmitter, dopamine, and enlarged brain ventricles as well as attentional deficits occur in both disorders. There is correlational evidence that relatives of depressed individuals are more likely to show schizotypal disorder. The reverse is also true.

Dr. Tom, 3/15/10

Schizoid Personality Disorder: Treat Your Children Well.

2010-03-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Schizoid Personality Disorder: Treat Your Children Well.

Schizoid Personality Disorder

People who show these behavior patterns are detached from social relationships with others, including their family. They do not want, and do not enjoy, the company of others. They prefer to be alone and normally choose hobbies and vocational activities accordingly. They lack close friends, tend to be unaffected by praise or criticism, and appear cold, aloof, detached, and without emotions.

A Fictitious Example

A family was referred to a psychologist for therapy and parent training by the regional Welfare Department. The children were dirty and showed many other signs of neglect and abuse. The mother was of borderline-normal intelligence and lacked the skills, motivation, and knowledge to care for her children. The father was a cross country truck driver who spent vast amounts of time alone while working. During time-off, while at home, he seldom interacted with the members of his family except to handle the routine matters of cohabitation: vehicle and house repairs, finances, transportation, etc. He had no close friends and refused to attend various social functions. The father encountered the psychologist, and obtained a diagnosis, because of an agency referral of his family. As is typical, was not a bad person and he did not hate people, he was not interested in changing his ways and preferred to be left alone.

Suspected Causes

Schizoid personality disordered individuals frequently have suffered various kinds of neglect and/or physical abuse as well as rejection and various forms of hostility from others. For example this man’s own father was deserted by his mother during his first year. He was raised by his maternal grandparents who were cold, rejecting and abusive to him. He recounted being forced to eat strong tasting fish until it gaged him and caused him to vomit onto his plate at the table. He was then force to eat his vomit. He was made to stand outside in the cold for long periods because he upset his grandmother. When he failed to let the dog out on schedule, the dogs excrement was picked up by his grandmother and thrown in his face.

Most folks would understand why he might not wish to be close with other human beings. The only problem is that to create emotionally healthy children, one needs the ability to feel warmth and love for them and to also spend quality time with them.

Treat your children well.

Dr. Tom, 3/21/10

Population Psychological Problems Reciprocally Related To Cultural Decline

2010-03-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

Population Psychological Problems Reciprocally Related To Cultural Decline

It is not a simple relationship, but one that swirls back upon itself. Psychological disorders cause cultural decline and they are produced by cultural decline. This synergistic causal whirlwind is taking America down.

Personality disorders are deeply ingrained inflexible and maladaptive “traits” or ways of behaving. My use of the word “behaving” includes ways of thinking (“I can’t take care of myself” or “I am such a looser”); and having emotions (often becoming frantically upset or unable to feel emotions); perceiving (“they are laughing at me” or “they are out to get me”). A few examples of the behaviors that may be shown by those who have personality disorders are habitual lying, breaking the law, acting superior to everyone else, being abusive to others. As you will soon see, there are many other examples of damaging and distressing ways in which people think, perceive, emote, and act.
Personality disorders usually start to show themselves in adolescence or young adulthood and they are highly resistant to change. Personality disorders normally persist a life-time.

When someone has a personality disorder these characteristic damaging personality patterns will show themselves across a wide variety of settings and social situations and they generally hurt the individuals ability to work, play, and have close relations with others. More importantly they hurt other people with whom the personality disordered individual interacts.

Naturally the examples of problem behavior patterns that I have provided (there are many more) are hurtful and crippling to the individual who shows them. But, everyone fails to appreciate the trauma experienced by others who’s lives are damaged and sometimes ruined by the actions of those with personality disorders. This tunnel vision which focuses only upon the self-defeating nature of the one with the personality disorder blinds us to costs to the socioculture of such individuals. The damage of personality disorders spreads from the troubled individual to others who come in contact with them (employers, friends, spouses, children, and other family members). In cases of criminal behavior, those damaged may be unsuspecting strangers who have not elected to associate with the disordered individual.

Do not forget that the damaging effects of a personality disorder are damaging to the many people who interact with the individual who has this psychological problem. The negative effects of these behaviors can be very contagious to others.

Dr. Tom 3/15/10

Born Again American

2010-03-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

“Born Again American“

You must open the following dedication to America. It is guaranteed to move and inspire you.

Thank you, dear brother Mark, for sending this my way. It is a profound and moving piece of work.

http://www.bornagainamerican.org/index.html

Dr. Tom

Repect For Mother

2010-03-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

Respect For Mother

I can't count the times that I have heard mothers complain that their children do not respect them: that they sass them, call them names, refuse to follow their instructions and even assult them. The mothers then report that when their husband walks in,the children begin to behave like "angels".

Well what is going on in these households?

This all too common pattern of disrespect for mothers and respect for fathers could have numerous causes. The following is a list of some likely causes that easily come to mind:

1. The father has appropriately disciplined the children. He uses rewards for good behavior and moderate forms of punishment for persistent or dangerous bad behavior.

2. The father has over-used corporal punishment and the children are afraid of him.

3. The father has a violent temper and the children are afraid of him.

3. The mother is permissive and has not used methods identified in #1.

4. The mother does not think she is permissive because she yells, speaks harshly to her children often and frequently threatens them with dire consequences, but does not use the methods in #1. This means the mother is emotionally abusive and permissive at the same time.

4. The mother does not think she is permissive because she explains over and over why the children should not behave badly and why they should be good. This means the mother is indulgent and permissive at the same time.

5. The father is bigger, stronger, his voice is lower, he speaks more directly and he more often says what he means and means what he says. Also, he is less likely to back down from a confrontation with his children.

If you are a mother or a father, the best way to earn and keep the repect of your children is to earn it using cause # 1. Please note that mothers can also fit the bill with # 5.

Dr. Tom 3/13/10

Another Dead Girl

2010-03-04T07:12:00.000-08:00

Another Dead Girl

I woke up again to the news: Another dead girl, killed by a homicidal sexual predator. Over and over again our beautiful children and young women are sexually savaged and brutally killed. Why?!

In 1967, President Johnson appointed a commission on Obscenity and Pornography. In 1970, that commission reported that there was no evidence that exposure to explicit material led to antisocial behavior.

In 1973, the supreme court (Miller v. California) produced a ruling that made censorship of sexually explicit materials almost impossible.

In 1985, The Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography reviewed updated research of improved design, and published conclusions that contradicted the 1970 no harm report. It stated that the 1970’s report was “starkly obsolete”.

The ”newly identified” harmful effects of pornography were attributed to violent and degrading pornography. The primary mode of damage was considered to be through modeling and imitation. Modeling and imitation is a highly researched and profoundly powerful mode of psychological influence. This is another example of science proving the obvious, because this was a historically cultural-wide forgone conclusion, as well as the reason for America’s laws against pornography in the first place.

But it was too late. We had opened another of Pandora’s Boxes. The infrastructure of Hollywood, the exploding internet, and the billions of dollars to be made through the production and marketing of pornography promised untold riches to the naked puppets and the producers of the gateway drug to sexual mayhem in America and throughout the world.

So many fools bought the legal/governmental assertion that the 1st Amendment should protect florid and vivid ”anal escapades”, “money shots”, “golden showers”, “torrid teens”, and Sado/masochistic depictions that so excited the masses of adults and their children. The children whose sexual appetites and mental scripts for their actions have increasingly been shaped by the sexual depictions of the pornography industry.

Through all of this, our increasingly sex addicted population never perceived its revenue addicted government lusting for the new tax revenues that the legalized pornography would bring them.

A mutual masturbatory relationship made in hell that has created hell on earth.

To those who will criticize my take on the legalization of pornography. I am aware that there are multiple determinants of sex crimes and damaging sexual activities in our population. Say what you will. Nothing mitigates the damaging effects of legalized Porn.

The following is something that I wrote a long time ago, after one of my many professional encounters with the horrors of the pornification of America.

THE BOYS DARK SILENT EYES ARE WITH ME FOREVER

His aunt brought him to me thinking I might be able to help. The nine-year-old’s mother had drugged him and performed a variety of sex acts with him while her boyfriend video-taped their actions. They abandoned the child and would try to market the videotape.

I tried everything but he would not talk. His face was empty, as though his life had been ripped from deep within him. The child complied with his aunt’s requests to sit and to look at me, but he never spoke. There were no tears or fear, only emptiness.

The aunt told me that she was caring for the boy. She said that she would be moving from the area within the week and thought that a session with a psychologist would help.

The session did not help, nor would dozens of sessions have helped.

What will become of this child and the countless others like him?

It is likely that they, like those who damaged them, will spread their dark and silent eyes among the children in their lives.

The most destructive force of all: psychopathogenic contagion.

V.T. Mawhinney
3/25/89

Tags:

Reasoning With Young Children.

2010-03-02T05:49:00.000-08:00

Reasoning With Young Children

Reason with your children whenever you can. Attempt to influence them by pointing out the good or bad effects that their behavior will have upon themselves and others.

You can do some reasoning even with very Young children. Explain to your two year old that she must not ride her tricycle into the street because a car might hit her. Tell her she must not play with knives because they are very sharp and will cut her; show her how easily a knife can cut something. Explain that throwing sand in the sandbox is bad because it may get into their eyes and hurt them.

Tell your child how her behavior will affect others. When you see that she is changing her ways, praise her for here good behaviors and being smart. Be certain to reason with your child while she is behaving appropriately. With this positive approach, you would reason with your child and praise her for riding her bike in the driveway or playing nicely in the sandbox.

Reasoning is very important, but combine it with praising good behavior for the best results.

Dr. Tom 3/2/2010

Mother's Guilt Can Cause Discipline Problems in Children

2010-02-26T15:18:00.000-08:00

Mother's Guilt Can Cause Discipline Problems

When I grew up in the 1940's and 1950's all of the mom's that I knew stayed home and raise their children. I know some worked, but not many.

What I often encounter in this day, when so many mothers are in the work force, is their feelings of guilt about not being able to be with their children.

This guilt can easily cause behavior problems in children. If this is a problem for you, it is important that you resolve it.

There are two ways to handle this guilt. For those who can afford, and wish to do so, to quit work and spend more time with your children. You can go back to work when you are comfortable doing so.

For the great many who cannot afford to quite work. It is important to change the way you think about your situation. Learn to remind your self of the following positive aspects of your parenting, as often as it takes, to diminish your troubled feelings to managable levels:

+ You have no choice but to work.
+ You spend all of the time you can with your children.
+ You make a special effort to spend quality time with them.
+ You show your children in as many ways possible that love them.
+ You make time to both play and work with them.
+ You take them special places and do special things with them.

And of course you do many more things to reinforce the idea that they are the most important people in your life.

In the event that you do not have to work, but have a strong personal need to do so, you may also have to deal with the guilt factor. Perhaps some of these same ideas will also be helpful to you.

I have frequently had mothers of children who are oppositional and abusive to them admit to me that they are permissive and tollerate that treatment because they are "guilty about being away from them so much". They tell me that, in the little time they have with their children, they simply cannot bring themselves to set and enforce rules or punish them if they behave badly. The mothers also admit their fear that their children will not love them if they have to be strict with them. This problem can be made worse when there has been a divorce and the children must split their time between both parents, thereby further diminishing the time the mother has with her children.

Young children are naturally self-centered and, no matter what, they must have limits and consequences for disrespectful, abusive, and oppositional behavior.

As a working parent, you need to review the many reasons that you can complement yourself for being a loving and dutiful mother. It is important to do this often enough so you can consistently praise and reward good behavior and mildly or moderately punish bad behavior in your children...and do it without guilt.

My manual on humane and effective time-outs and using rewards to teach good behavior will help you "turn things around" if you and your children have already been caught in the "guilt trap".

Children need your love, they need your limits, and they need your willingness to provide appropriate teaching consequences when they behave badly.

Please try to let your love and your confidence as a parent show, not your guilt. If you cannot get ride of troubling guilt on your own, seek the assistance of and experienced Ph.D. level psychologist.

Dr. Tom 2/26/10

Satiation When Possible

2010-02-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

Satiataion When Possible

Using Satiation refers to the method of letting your infant or young child get tired of some misbehavior. Any time your child behaves to produce a novel or new consequence which is only temporarily rewarding, with repeated exposure, the behavior and its consequence will become boring. When this happens, the child is satiated on that particular novel stimulus consequence and does the behavior that produces it less and less. This is likely to result, only if you do not accidently reward that particular behavior.

One common complaint about very young children is that they love to play with TV or radio dials and light switches. They also like to slam doors, or pound on pots and pans with spoons, etc. These exploratory responses normally do not continue for long, so if you can discipline yourself to ignore the behavior, your child will slowly satisfy his curiosity, learn what is to be learned from the experience, and move on to explore other things. Of course, you man not wish to use the satiation approach with all irritating behaviors, or in other peoples homes. You will certainly not wish to use it with behaviors that can damage things or are dangerous. When in someone elses home, most hosts will be willing to do a certain about of baby proofing during your stay, if you asked them.

Many parents accidentally turn their children, who are only satisfying a temporary facination, into fanatics who spend nearly all of their time playing with dials and switches. When this happens parents are oftne then driven by extreme irritation to use excessive amounts punishent.

The problem is that parents accidentally reward the very behavior they wish to eliminate through their immediate attention and mild reprimands or spankings, which would likely go away on its own. To allow satiation to work, you must not provide any form of attention which might reward the activity. This even includes cross looks and scolding.

Dr. Tom

2010-02-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

When “Human Capital” Is Not Enough

The development of human capital is commonly identified as one of the prerequisites to sociocultural and economic success.

Normally, building human capital is presented as educating our people in science and technology, as well as in marketable skills.

But something is missing from this modern conception and it is not a small thing: It is a suicidal omission.

The citizens of a socioculture that plans to live long and well, must also teach their children an accurate history of their own culture and a system of guiding ethics with which to maintain it. As importantly, these future citizens must also be taught to love and respect their own history and comply with societies moral/ethical guidelines.

In America, these critical ingredients of human capital were once taught by schools, churches, families, Boy and Girl Scouts, and the like. Though it may be hard to believe, America’s entertainment media once, long ago, also provided a strong assist to teaching these form of social capital to our children and youth.

At the present in Post-Modern America, who now teaches these ethical virtues to our children? It is not the schools, our government has greatly impaired that function. It is not the church, as families are much less intimately involved than they once were. It is not the families who are working two jobs or more, reduced, reconfigured, geographically split, and who are often divorced into four parents and eight grandparents (or more). In this last problem “too many chefs” often spoil the brew. It is not in our other strong organizations dedicated to acculturating our youth in the values and ethics of Americans. Boy Scout and Girl Scout (also Cub and Brownie Scout) enrollments have been diminishing. America’s entertainment media have savagely betrayed it’s parents and children to wreak moral and ethical havoc upon them.

Who is teaching our children the essential moral/ethical components of Social Capital in Post-Modern America!?

Thank God some folks are, but their numbers are diminishing.

If something is lost, the most effective to way to find it again is to retrace our steps to the place that we once possessed it.

True, we cannot turn back time. But we sure as hell can begin to teach ethics and values as we once did, even if we do it in many different and new ways. It is just a matter of admitting the lethality of one of our own stupid oversights in America, the will to work and sacrifice as a nation, and the drive to survive in a very hostile world.

Many of us are wondering if we have what it takes anymore.

Our youth will probably know the answer within their life-time.

Dr. Tom 2/20/10

Tags:

Rearrange Environments of Infants

2010-02-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

Eliminating behaviors in infants could slow the development of important skills. For example, the child who is beginning to pull herself to a standing position to reach various objects is clearly learning from her efforts. She will not profit if, after struggling to her feet, she is scolded or slapped on the hand for reaching for a forbidden object. Baby-proof your home by storing fragile or unsafe items. This will immediately eliminate the negative aspects of normal exploratory behavior. Replace the objects with others that are harmless but interesting enough to reward standing up.

By making your home safer, you will have less need to punish or restrict your baby. A mother once asked me how she could stop her child from crawling up a dangerous flight of stairs. She seemed to be looking for some exotic approach and was surprised by my simple suggestion that she install a baby gate to block the child's access to the stares.

Other problems stem from faulty schedules. It is easy to misjudge your child's sleeping, eating, and eliminating needs. For example, the child who still needs and afternoon nap may become extremely irritable when these naps are terminated. or a child may fuss because he needs to be fed at shorter intervals. The obvious way to deal with these problems is to rearrange your schedules to suits your child's needs.

Dr. Tom, 2/19/10

Examine Your Own Behavior

2010-02-15T06:31:00.000-08:00

Examine Your Own Behavior

Imitation is one of the major ways that humans learn from others. Parents who scream and swear a lot, or are physically aggressive toward their spouse or children, should no be surprised to see their children imitate them.

Under these circumstances, the first step toward correcting the problem behavior in your child is to eliminate it in yourself.

If,at first you do not succeed...try, try again...and get help!

Dr. Tom, 2/15/10

Improving a Child's Behavior Without Punishment

2010-02-13T10:00:00.001-08:00

Improving a Child's Behavior Without Punishment

A parent who is trapped into punishing their child often has failed to use rewards skillfully enough to produce enough good behavior. Mild to moderate forms of punishment will be needed from time to time. But it is important to resist the temptation to resort to punishment immediately whenever your child misbehaves.

The next few posts will relate to alternatives to punishment.

Relabel the Behavior

Before trying to change a behavior in your child, ask yourself if it is really necessary. After some though, if you can't conclude that the behavior in question limits further learning, social adjustment, or is dangerous, you might consider that it is not so bad after all.

Check your own emotional state. Could it be that you are annoyed with your child's behavior because of your own mood? You may be tired, ill, preoccupied with some worry, or in need of a break from your child-care responsibilities.

It is good to ask yourself these kinds of questions before you label your child's behavior as bad and in need of change.

And, if you are wondering, I do not advocate permissiveness. More to come on this stuff!

Dr. Tom, 2/13/10

Some Inspriational words

2010-02-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Some Inspirational Words

My dear friend, Darrel Bostow, Ph.D., sent me the following video.

I highly recommend that you take a short minute to view it. It is wonderfully a inspirational U-tube video.

I do enjoy inspirational words and thoughts, so long as they do not cloak an occult destructive political movement.

V.T.M., 2/2/2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA

2010-02-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

We Had Better Teach Manners!

Once families, churches, communities and schools once commonly, worked in concert, to teach our children manners (civil behavior, morals and ethics).

Now, many of our families struggle to teach these manners to their children all by themselves. Our public schools have largely abandoned the teaching of morals. The media (which has become more the community for our children) is largely dedicated to immoral behavior. The only outside assistance for parents who struggle against the tide of social corruption, pumped from seemingly everywhere to their children, is the church. But this important aid is only available to those who significantly involve themselves their children in these specialized communities. Unfortunately, significant involvement in our churches has been in decline.

After decades of these trends, it is very hard for parents who never learned manners to teach them to their children.

In all of this, our Nation appears is in serious trouble.

Samuel Adams once expressed his grave concerns about a society without manners .

The following is from Founders Quote Daily, by the PatriotPost U.S.

______________________________

“[N]either the wisest constitution nor the wisest laws will secure the liberty and happiness of a people whose manners are universally corrupt.” –Samuel Adams, essay in The Public Advertiser, 1749

Dr. Tom, 2/1/2010

Discipline For Children 1

2010-01-31T11:35:00.000-08:00

Punishment refers to a situation where something painful or unpleasant is presented or something rewarding is removed following a behavior, thereby making that behavior happen less frequently in the future. Discipline, on the other hand, means nothing more than teaching a child a system of practical rules of conduct. Discipline in child rearing must not be confused with punishment. All children have the right to humane and non abusive discipline. Thus while parents must often concern themselves with matters of discipline, punishment should actually be used in the smallest minority of situations.

I have seen well-disciplined classrooms where the primary methods of teaching involved rewarding good behavior and ignoring the bad. The children were diligent in their work and delightfully free and happy in their play. I know parents whose children are a joy to be with, inquisitive, happy and well-behaved. The are also seldom punished. Their parents do, however, eliminate various inappropriate behaviors very skillfully in other ways.

Dr. Tom, 1/31/10

Psychological Vetting for Public Office Candidates!

2010-01-28T07:23:00.000-08:00

Psychological Vetting for Public Office Candidates!

The following quote is from Founder’s Quote Daily sent by the Patriotpost.com

“In selecting men for office, let principle be your guide. Regard not the particular sect or denomination of the candidate – look to his character….” –Noah Webster, Letters to a Young Gentleman Commencing His Education, 1789

________________________________________

As a practicing psychologist, it is often my duty (and an honor) to evaluate police and fire candidates as to their psychological fitness for duty. Character is very important, but so is the psychological make-up of these men and women in many dimensions.

Is the work of our politicians any less critical to our well-being than that of a police officer, fire fighter or other first responders to emergency situations?

I’ll bet that you can name your own ”rogue’s list” of politicians and they will include both Democrats and Republicans: Public representatives who have lied, cheated, stolen, and publically humiliated their families and the rest of us with their uncontrolled sexual exploits, extramarital pregnancies, and betrayals of their spouses, children and other loved ones. Each example is a deep wound to the viability of our body politic and a hopeful future.

What fool would assume that these misfits would not often betray the best interests of their constituents for their own pleasures and power-gains?

I believe that part of the “vetting process” of candidates for public office must be psychological testing and a clinical interview. Much like the obligatory physical exam administered by physicians, psychological evaluations should be conducted by specially trained Ph.D. psychologists to rule out certain personality disorders and other psychological problems likely to create a hazard to public safety and security.

Why would anyone object? We should insist upon psychological vetting for all candidates for public office.

V. Thomas Mawhinney, Ph.D. (Dr. Tom), 1/28/10

"Punishment Trap"--Part Two

2010-01-26T06:53:00.000-08:00

"Punishment Trap"-Part Two

The following is an example of a punishment trap in action.

A parent who slaps his child for running and yelling will likely stop the running quickly and thereby gain quick relief from the disruptive behavior. This immediate reward for the parent will likely tempt him to hit his child again to stop other irritating misbehaviors. The parent is rewarded for hitting his child and is more likely to hit in the future.

However, children can adapt to (get used to) the pain of being hit. Therefore the more that hitting is used to control behavior, the less effective it becomes. This situation is one in which the force of the hit must be increased to maintain the short-term effectiveness of using pain to control behavior.

This can become a vicious cycle that not only fails to work effectively, but escalates to the point that it causes physical damage to children.

The punishment trap is one way that true child abuse can develop.

When punishment over-used to control the behavior of children they can grow, angry, hateful, vengeful, fearful, anxious and more....all bad things. When the punishment is in the form of physical pain, these kinds of bad things can develop more rapidly.

Look-out for the punishment trap!

Dr. Tom, 1/26/09

Watch Out For The "Punishment Trap"!

2010-01-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

Watch Out For The "Punishment Trap"!

Damaging child-rearing errors are too often made in the name of discipline. Child abuse has reached near epidemic levels in America. Look around in restaurants, markets, recreation areas, and you will see parents trying, sometimes desperately, to control their children by hurting them. I have seen angry parents screaming at their young children, threatening them, hitting them, pinching ears, pulling their hair, jerking their arms and violently shaking their bokies. I shudder to think what must happen in the privacy of these parents homes.

For too many parents, it is easier to scold or hit a child for misbehavior than to define approapriate behaviors and then patiently reward these until they predominate. Since punishment generally produces instant changes in a child's behavior, parents are rewarded for thier abusivce ways and learn to scream, hit, and otherwise mistreat their children more often in the future. This has been called "the punishment trap".

The punishment trap frequently ruins lives.

Look out for the punishment trap! Jump, with both feet, into reinforcing your child's good behaviors.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom, 1/24/10

You May Not Be Paranoid!

2010-01-18T05:43:00.000-08:00

You May Not Be Paranoid!

Have you ever had the strange feeling that someone is following you around and watching every thing you do? Well, you may not be paranoid!

If you have children, they are in fact watching your every move...and what is more...they are very likely to imitate your behavior, your moods, and even how you think!

A great deal of high quality research has been done on the phenomenon of Modeling and Imitation, and the results are very clear. Parent's old saying, "Don't do as I do, do as I say", should be thrown out with yesterdays trash.

One of the most important ways in which children learn from others is by watching them, remembering what they do and how they do it (movements, expressions, emotions, what they say and how they say it, etc.).

The list is endless: Children with specific problems very often have parents with the same problems. A few examples of what I am referring to are the following:

* Anger and Aggression
* Temper and Profanity
* Anxiety
* Depression
* Alcohol or Drug Abuse
* Sexual Promiscuity and Infidelity
* School Under Achievement
* Other Irresponsible Behaviors

Of course, there are other causes of these behavior patterns and we have and will continue to talk about them. But, make no mistake about it, for better and worse, our children imitate us and others.

Yes, I said others. This means that we not only should be mindful of our own behaviors around our children, we should also be careful of the behaviors of others that we expose them to. This includes other children and adults in real life and also, the actions that we allow them to be exposed to through the media. Yes, children imitate cartoon characters such as the Simpsons and various celebrities such such as etc., etc., etc..

But the sword cuts both ways. Children will imitate our good behavior as well as our bad behavior----so lets work harder to diminish the bad and show them our best!

Dr. Tom, 1/18/09

The Children Within

2010-01-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

The Children Within

So many of my clients are tormented by voices from the past. These people are not psychotics. They are in touch with reality, but with too much of an abusive reality from their early years.

They remember all to clearly the abusive things that parents and significant others have said and done to them. Abusive treatment, criticisms and insults have a disproportional and resonating impact upon how children grow to think about themselves, how they expect others will view them, and how they expect to be treated by others in the future...and most often these expectations are harmful.

An old idea in psychology is that we come to see ourselves through the eyes of others. By extension, we also come to see ourselves on the basis of how others describe us, how they say we look, how they say we think, and how they say we behave. But influences from others are even more subtle than that.

Young children are naturally egocentric. They assume that things occur because of them, or that they are specifically related to them. Also, young children are not able to see the world from the perspective of others.

When a child is treated with neglect or abuse, they naturally think that is is because of something about them. They do not naturally consider that the problem could be a parent who is ill, mentally disturbed, drug or alcohol addicted, or just mean and sadistic.

As a result, children treated in neglectful or abusive ways often come to view themselves as being unlovable, flawed, unworthy, unlovable, and without value. Or, Sometimes they can defend against these bad feelings by putting up the defence of narcissism (I am perfect and something is wrong with everyone else). Any of this is very destructive to a child's future psychological development.

Of course the truth is that, normally, there was nothing wrong with the child. Rather, something was very bad wrong with the neglectful or abusive parent or significant other.

To children, parents are all powerful and all knowing...they are God-like in stature.
It is natural for the child to assume that the problem lies with themselves, even though it normally does not.

Many years ago I thought that treating "the child within" a person was a bad idea. I have come to know that I was wrong. People who are depressed, anxious, and/or suffer from mood swings and report feelings of low self-esteem have very often learned to think and say very abusive things about themselves, to themselves and to others about themselves.

Their own thoughts and their own voices hurt them very much. The abusive voices and events that they recall, over and over again, continue to hurt them long after they happened.

As the child sees it, "if my parents or loved ones did it, or said it, it must be right and true"! This is the great misunderstanding. Moreover, when the adult has been informed of this misunderstanding but they will not give up that perception, it then becomes a great lie about themselves, or a great self-deceit.

How would you feel if someone you loved and cared about very deeply frequently came to you and told you that you were stupid, dumb, ugly, would never amount to anything, should be ashamed of your self, or can never do anything right, etc.. Do you think this could hurt your self-estee or impair your ability to meet and greet people, and to take chances to become all that you can be?

Abusive treatment by significant others could make you extremely vigilant and distrustful of how others are seeing and thinking about you. It could cause you to negatively interpret the many well-intentioned harmless, but ambiguous, things that people do and say to you.

When our interpretations of life-events are paranoid in nature, it can be that our past abuses at the hands of others have taught us to expect more such treatment in the future. This sets up a vicious cycle in which we participate. When we are anxious, depressed, untrusting, and angry others who we meet, they sense that and withdraw from us. They may even be critical of us. This can then become proof to us of our own basic flawed nature and also that the world is full of bad people.

It is not easy to accept that within all of us are the perceptions and voices of the children that we once were. If we were loved and well treated as children, they will be enjoyable to listen to. If our child selves were abused and neglected the thoughts, perceptions, and voices of 5, 10, or 15 year-olds (frozen in time) will disrupt our peace with very negative and abusive recollections that are transformed by us into devoutly believed current events.

The abused children "that reside in" many adults cannot think like adults. They must be repeatedly and patiently corrected, even lovingly reprimanded if necessary, to stop the negative characterizations of themselves, and by extension, the adults in which they reside.

The adult must teach the children within and themselves, "no--it was not you, it was them!"; "You did not cause them to abuse you, they did bad things to you because of the problems they had!"; "You did not cause the divorce, one or both of them did!"; "You did not run away because you were a bad child, you ran away to escape abuse!"; "You are not a dumb person, your grades got worse because you were depressed and anxious and this normally interferes with learning!"; "You didn't start to use drugs and alcohol because you were a bad person, you did that to medicate your pain and sadness!". "These are mistaken beliefs, but children normally make these mistakes!"

"There was nothing wrong with you, it was them! Don't listen to them, listen to me, you are a good person, you are doing a good job, keep it up and you will be doing even better!"; "Say these things to yourself and listen to yourself, you are telling the truth!"

Of course, this is all easier said than done. But if troubled adults will stop propagandizing themselves about past abuses, and if they will teach "their children within" the correct perceptions of their abusive pasts, the pain and distress can lessen and life can become much more enjoyable.

For those who struggle with such demons from the past,it is important to do these things and also to locate and work with a skilled Cognitive Behavior Therapist to learn many other techniques to help them achieve happier lives.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom, 1/15/09

Displaced Aggression

2010-01-12T06:41:00.000-08:00

Displaced Aggression

We all loose our tempers and that is seldom a good or useful thing to do. Loosing our tempers at people who have done nothing to deserve our wrath is always a bad thing for us to do.

After all, the innocent victim of our angry tirade has no idea why we are angry at them. They did nothing that would justify our anger and so they are mystified, confused, or baffled as to why we would be so upset with them.

This "perfect storm" of psychological trouble is a powerful destructive force within families and other human relationships. It is called displaced aggression.

Displaced aggression occurs when we are stressed, troubled or frustrated by something or someone (work, money, friends, relatives, etc.) and our response is to avoid confronting and dealing with the actual source of the stress, trouble, or frustration. Instead, we find a "safe object", person, or animal to take our anger out on. When we displace our anger or aggression onto some safe and innocent victim, it provides a release for our pent up tension and that can provide a relief for us in the moment. But displaced aggression always hurts the ones we love and care about the most. They are normally our "safe" victims because they love us and are willing to forgive us in time. But displaced aggression is an awful and damnable trap for all involved.

There are huge problems with displaced anger and aggression.

* Children assume that our anger is caused by them...even if it clearly is not.
* Adults can feel guilty, angry, or hurt by our unfair treatment of them.
* Unfair anger or aggression can lead to the loss of love or respect of us.
* Our victims can come to fear and be anxious around us.
* Over time, our innocent victims will withdraw from us and resent us.
* Victims of displaced aggression show many forms of psychological problems.
* Over time, displaced aggression will destroy our friendships and our loving relationships.

The truth is that we are all prone to displacing our anger and aggression onto innocent victims. Our best defense is knowledge of this human frailty and a mindful and strong dedication to avoid these costly mistakes.

When you detect that you are under pressure, stressed, or otherwise upset, simply think about avoiding displaced aggression and its damages and rehearse how you will treat your friends and loved ones kindly, in spite of your troubles.

Often is is very helpful to just tell them that you have had a bad day and that you "are not yourself". Perhaps you can discuss your troubles with them: talking to others about a problem can be very helpful. In any event, it is then your responsibility to do the best you can with your stress...without taking it out on innocent others.

If despite your best efforts, displaced aggression continues to be a problem, I hope you will seek the help of an experienced Psychologist.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
1/13/10

No Money For Counseling?

2010-01-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

No Money For Counseling?

I just located a question posed in response to one of my blogs. The question was to the effect of "what do I do when I need counseling and do not have insurance or money to pay for it?"

I am so sorry that I did not see this question earlier. But most cities have Mental Health Centers (Community Mental Health Centers)that are publically funded. I will admit that I have heard complaints about the services in these centers, but I have also seen many people helped by them. If you do not have insurance or funds to pay for therapy or psychiatric services, I would urge you to seek help at one of the Community Mental Health Centers near you.

If you are a grade school or high school student, talk to a counselor there.

If you are a college student, go to the counseling center on campus.

If you are a veteran you can contact the veterans administration.

Many organizations have sliding fee scales, based upon your financial situation.

Also, If you were to "let your fingers do the walking" and call the local practitioners in your area (psychologists and social workers), you are likely to find a couselor who is willing to take reduced fees and to let you make partial payments on them. Frequently, 4 to 8 sessions can be very helpful and it would be well worth your effort to pursue this course.

I urge those who have psychological, or life coping problems, to make a plan, execute it and get help. Frequently problems do nothing but build or "snowball", until they are dealt with.

If you are destitute, call the department of public welfare for further guidance as to how you can get help to begin to reconstruct your life and gain access to psychological services.

Don't be shy, call around util you find a professional who will help you. Attack your problems. Get it done! Just do it!

God Bless.

Dr. Tom

Back Safe and Sound!

2010-01-11T10:18:00.000-08:00

Back Safe and Sound!

It was a wonderful trip with my dear wife, Sally, and our very special old friends.

Transiting the Panama Canal was a stunning experience: a reminder of “Bully Times” for America and the strong Presidential leadership of Teddy Roosevelt. The human sacrifices required to built this canal were unimaginable.

My visits to the countries of Central America brought many conflicted images and feelings. There were marvelous mountainous vistas with lush rain forests mixed with expanses of public domains glistening in the sun with dense fields of plastic bottles and containers of all descriptions, broken chairs and tables, and all manner of refuse in the ditches and on the hillsides.

There were a great many wonderful, kind and courteous people who we met along with a few civilians who were openly carrying AK 47’s. In Acapulco, there were police armed with assault rifles everywhere.

At some of the ship’s landings other citizens aggressively hounded us to buy their products or ride in their cabs–one literally chased me as I tried to politely decline and get away.

I will never forget a bus tour guide to who received a phone call as he guided us, telling him that he a won a trip to the United States as “guide of the year” from his tour company. Near tears, he announced to us that this was one of the greatest days of his life. This man was, in fact, one of the finest guides I had ever seen. As a child in Nicaragua, his parents were targeted during the civil war by the Sandinistas and they fled for their lives to the U.S.. Sometime after the end of the revolution, he returned to Nicaragua as a patriot. His parents had since passed away and he spoke so very lovingly his country, its struggle to develop its resources, and his great hopes for its future. I can only pray for the best for this man and all his fellow citizens.

Beyond the city, in the hills and mountains, are a great many people who scratch out a living by selling the art, artifacts and foods that they make to tourists. There are very small businesses everywhere attached to crudely constructed tin and wooden hovels that are homes. The economy there is socialistic and I can see no other workable option for them at this time. School through college and medicine are free. There were great numbers of adults laying in hammocks or sitting on steps or at tables on dirt side yards in the shade of tropical trees and plants. The cities bustled in contrast to great inactivity in outlying areas where the relative population indolence associated with socialism was plain to see.

In Mexico, my friend Vic and I went skin diving, as we have since adolescence. The Pacific waters were warm and inviting and we saw the familiar sights of reefs and colorful tropical fish along with an unexpected gift from the sea. This “gift” was a blowfish, all puffed-up to about twelve inches in diameter. This dear creature tolerated our gently holding and inspecting him, before we let it go on it slow and wobbly way.

One painful memory will not go away. Now by my computer is a small and darling brightly colored ceramic tropical bird. It is a child’s whistle. While waiting, after a tour to board our ship in Nicaragua, many children were on the dock selling these little tickets in the hot sun. One little unhappy looking sales girl caught my eye and she reminded my of my own little granddaughter. She was perhaps seven years old and brightly attired in native colors and dress. I assumed that her parents had sent her to work on the docks. I felt sad for her and wondered about the future that she would have.

On impulse, I gave her a five dollar bill for one of her little 50 cent whistles and she looked stunned as I smiled, thanked her and walked away. Within a second a boy of about ten years was bumping into me and desperately asking for money…”Please sir, for me, for me”! Stunned, I saw other sales children watching. I said “No, I’m sorry” and I walked away. As I walked, a sickening feeling grew in my stomach. Both the boy, and now I, had been traumatized by my gift to the little girl.

I am still troubled by my not giving some money to this boy, but then there would have been another child begging and still more…but this excuse does not make the thought of my saying “ No” to this boy any easier on me.

I will never forget the sound of the boys voice, “Please sir, for me, for me!”, and I will always feel sad for him and all of the other children.

It felt so good to return to my home in America. Yes, we are in trouble here, and things are far from perfect. But it is still a most wonderful place on earth to live, raise our families and grow old. We must fight the destructive forces of our undoing to keep it that way.

Finally, I love ships and the sea. I hope I never have to fly anywhere ever again.

Dr. Tom
1/11/2010

A Vacation With Old Friends

2009-12-27T09:34:00.000-08:00

A Vacation With old Friends

Today is my last post until my wife and I return from a vacation with two of our dear friends and their wonderful wives. The guys are two old friends that I first met in Cub Scouts.

Life-long friends are wonderful. If you have them, or redicover them, they can be a very special link to your past and warm pleasure in your present. They can be the most comfortable company. Some of what you may have forgotten, they will remember and visa versa: This can be a hoot! Reunions with old friends can be the best times of great enjoyment.

We will board a cruise and voyage through the Panama Canal. God willing, I will be posting here again on January 11, 2010.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom

P.S. Look for good behavior in your loved ones and others and let them know how much you appreciate what they are doing!

Mom's Christmas Trees

2009-12-24T07:09:00.000-08:00

Mom’s Christmas Trees

When I was a small boy and when it was time, like always before, I looked out my little second story window. Out through the cold jack-frost figures, through the darkness and to the blowing swirling clouds of snow across the busy street–to that great and wonderful circle of radiant white light. They were there again!
The christmas trees had returned to red’s gas station.
And my own christmas tree was in the front room, in front of the big window. It was almost up to the ceiling and it was so very green and it smelled so sweet and special, just like I remembered.
It was a mountain of colored lights, brightly reflecting balls and other pretty things; and it was covered with wisps of shimmering-shining silver tinsel. The tinsel hung like hundreds of tiny ice- cicles on my giant tree.
Mother had the soul of an artist and her Christmas trees were simply magnificent. I wish I could remember the very first Christmas tree of Mom’s that I ever saw; but I cannot. I can only feel a wistful warm-faint-glow from a time when time was a mystery and when life was magical.
When Mom passed away in 1985 something left Christmas and Christmas trees everywhere. But for each of the past ten Christmas’s Mom has returned with a very special gift, a remembrance of love and devotion past, but not gone.

When I go to church on Christmas Eve I can never get through the singing of Silent Night without my eyes watering, my nose running, and my words choking into silence. It is then that the images of the twin giant christmas trees on the alter blur, glisten, and radiate with cherished images from my childhood.

For that moment time does not exist, the magic returns, and once again Mom dresses and illuminates not one, but two giant Christmas trees–

Just for me.

　

God Bless and Merry Christmas!

Dr. Tom (From Christmas, 1992)

Red's Gas Station

2009-12-22T06:49:00.001-08:00

RED'S GAS STATION

I will forever wonder how old I was.

We lived in an upstairs apartment where there was a little cubby-hole between a bannister, with a long and scary drop into the dark stair-well below, and a little window that looked out over our roof and across the street to red's gas station.

I didn't know about time. I didn't know about minutes, hours, or clocks; and I didn't know the months of the year or about calendars. I only knew that if I waited a long time and asked mom, "when will it be here ?" often enough, she would eventually say in a happy tone, "it won't be long now!" Then I would begin to watch out my little window.

I watched through the rain and the sleet, and eventually I watched through the glistening patterns that jack frost painted on my little window. I watched out through the snow that sparkled under the light-post and across the street to red's gas station which was bathed in a floodlit swirl of white. I watched many times each day, for “countless days”, but it did not come.

Then one tired and doubt-filled night it happened, just like before! I could hardly believe my eyes.

Out through the little frosted window and out through the night and the glistening shower of falling snow-----they were there! Bathed in a blinding glow of refracted light, they stood waiting quietly at red's gas station.

In the pure white radiance, they were a special and beautiful green, and they were as tall as they could be, and there were "millions" of them--everywhere. The Christmas trees were back at Red’s Gas Station.

It took forever-----but Christmas had come again!

P.S. Children everywhere still innocently wait and hope for the joys of similar and different miracles in their lives.

If humankind would only bless these children with the warmth of it's love and devotion, this miracle of miracles would reflect and echo for all time.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (2009)

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/22/09

2009-12-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

Wake-Up America---Rules Rule!

2009-12-19T10:05:00.001-08:00

Wake-up America—Rules Rule!

Whether you are a Christian, a member of some other God-Fearing (where did the fear go) belief system, an agnostic or an atheist, rules are rules. In the world, when you break its’ rules for survival, you will suffer the consequences.

And it matters not, whether you see the world as a happy confluence of improbable events, or as the act of a Supreme Being. If you jump off the Empire State building, without a parachute, you will go splat.

You may rage at the rules of the universe, or you may pray to God on your way down, but you will go splat.

What happens to you after you go splat is a debatable issue, and I will not debate it here. You may believe what you will on the matter of an after-life with no argument from me.

Whether a confluence of improbable events or an act of God, you and I are here together and so are around 308 million of our fellow Americans. The rules upon which this great Nation was created were thought by our founding father to be God’ rules. You may view them as “rules of nature”, if you so choose.

Being a little ol’ fashioned, I prefer the former assumption to the later.

Anyway, make your own choice. Because with respect to what governs the quality of our collective behavior, good or bad, the rules and consequences that we apply to ourselves through our elected local, state, and federal governments will determine our success or failure in the world. These rules and consequences that we apply to ourselves will have a very large impact upon the future viability of our culture.

To live well requires that you learn God’s (or Nature”s) physical rules and the rules of human behavior. The physical sciences and the behavioral sciences have discovered much that we need to know. Now, what we must do is live by those rules and also help others learn to live by them.

I cannot discuss all of the rules in this short posting, but the following few Principles of behavior are a good start.

The Law of Effect: Consequences control behavior. Reward bad behavior and it will increase in frequency. Reward good behavior and it will increase in frequency. Punish good or bad behavior (or withhold rewards from them) and these behaviors will decrease in frequency.

The Law of Contiguity: Those stimuli that are paired or associated together tend to occur together more often in the future. In other words the infidelity, sex, drugs, violence, irreverence, disrespect and violence shown in our entertainment media will occur in certain situations or contexts and all of this will be associated with and the feelings we have when watching them (happy, excited or titillated). What is called Propaganda affects the ways humans think, feel, and behave in the same ways. Also, through repeated presentations and the behavioral principle Habituation, we naturally adapt to or ”get used to” that which formerly offended, upset or disturbed us.

Through rules and Principles of Social Learning a great deal more of what we see and experience affects our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. In short we tend to remember and imitate the behavioral patterns of those with power, those with fame, and those who we find attractive. They become our models and we are inclined to imitate their actions. Contrary to modern thought,” the whole” of the behavior patterns of our media-popularized celebrities (entertainment, sports, political) do matter. We are inclined to imitate much more of what they do than their ability to sing or dance, make a basket, make a touchdown, swing a golf club, or look good and talk persuasively. On this issue, you can fill-in your own celebrity names and think about their effects upon the behavior of our youth and impressionable adults. I will say no more on this, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Beyond God’s-Given rules to live by, or Nature’s rules if you prefer, is another matter.
This matter is one of motivation. What will best motivate a great population to follow certain rules that bring increasing patterns of good behavior?

If you think that the best strategy is to simply teach humans that they should be good and treat the earth and other living things with kindness and respect, you had better think some more.

Please take the time to view the following video on the role of faith in America’s past successes.

I want to thank Linda Mawhinney for forwarding this video to me.

Dr. Tom 12/19/09

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VUo8OuFaiI&feature=player_embedded

From The Golden Rule

2009-12-18T08:41:00.000-08:00

From The Golden Rule

A wonderful rule to live by is the Golden Rule. It is not easy to do, but trying to live by the Golden rule is worth our effort. Normally, very very good things emanate from this religious and philosophical guide to our behavior.

We have such deep feelings of love, affection and tenderness for our children. Looking at my own young children, and now at my young grandchildren, I have found myself fervently hoping that that other people in their future will also treat them in loving, kind, and gentle ways.

After many years of marriage it is all to easy to take our life-partners for granted.

As an extension of the Golden Rule we should treat our husbands, wives or life-partners with the same love and gentle kindness that we have shown to our children..and also in those ways that we fervently hope unknown others will treat our children during the rest of their lives.

Dr. Tom
1218/09

Rewarding Good Behavior and Ignoring Not-So-Good Behaviors

2009-12-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

Rewarding Good Behavior and Ignoring Not-So-Good Behaviors

It is important to look for good behaviors in our children (or adults) and to naturally reward them when they occur. By strengthening good behaviors in this way, you naturally weaken bad behaviors.

A way to help this excellent approach to be even more powerful is to develop the habit of ignoring not-so-good behaviors. Withholding your attention from mildly bad behaviors can often reduce their frequency over time. All too often, criticising, scolding, lecturing, showing irritation and anger, even spanking, can actually cause bad behavior to happen more frequently in the future. Remember, any form of your attention (even negative attention) to your children's not-so-good behaviors can be a reward for them.

When bad behavior is not dangerous and not too disruptive it is normally best to ignore it. Then, wait until your child is behaving well and praise these good behaviors at a later time.

The rule of thumb is: look for good behavior that is incompatible with the bad behavior that is of concern. That is, good behavior that will interfere with the bad behavior of concern. The following are several examples of what I mean.

Ignore/ Praise

Running/ Later praise walking
Talking Too Loudly/ Later praise talking quietly
Whining/ Later praise being patient and pleasant
Being unkind to others/ Later praise being kind to others

Watch your child's behavior. When you see not-so-good actions, think of the good behaviors you want to replace them with. Then be sure to look for these good behaviors and naturally reward them with your attention (hugs, praise to them, praise in front of others, and special favors, etc.)whenever you see them or similar behaviors.

God Bless,
Dr. Tom 12/17/09

Reward Good Behavior

2009-12-15T06:53:00.000-08:00

Rewarding Good Behavior

As I have said before, it is important to "look for" good behavior in our children to reward.

The rewards that I refer to are very natural ones that we have all enjoyed while growing up, and even now.

Descriptive praise is one example. Descriptive praise includes an enthusiastic description of the good behavior you see and a brief statement about why the behavior is good to do. The following are some examples:

* You picked up after yourself! It's so nice of you to help us keep our house clean.
* You helped your brother! That's a good way to show your love for him.
* You are going to bed so well. That helps you to grow strong and be healthy.
* Good, you are holding my hand when we cross the street. Keep watching for cars so we can stay safe.
* I like the way you are brushing your teeth. That keeps them nice and white and healthy.
* Look at you eat your vegetables, good for you! They help you grow big and strong and smart.
* Thanks for doing what I asked you to do! You are really a good helper and I'm proud of you.

The idea is to label the behaviors your child does as good, kind, happy, helpful, caring, unselfish, brave, cooperative, courteous, respectful, gentle, loving, sweet, etc., and then tell them why you appreciate what they did.

The best way to reduce bad behavior is to reward good behavior. Yes, this approach takes vigilance and energy, but in the long-run it really works the best.

Think of it this way: The more good behaviors your child does, the less time they have to do bad behaviors. Remember, its hard to do a good behavior and a bad behavior at the same time.

When you use rewards skillfully, you help your child's good behaviors win the contest!

God Bless,

Dr. Tom 12/15/09

P.S. Descriptive praise works well with adults too!

Moral and Ethical Clarity

2009-12-13T07:14:00.000-08:00

Moral and Ethical Clarity

I do not wish to get too political on this Blog, specializing in individual and family coping skills. However, some political events impact with great damaging force upon individuals and families and the issue that follows is one of those. Therefore, I am posting it here as well as on my Blog related to cultural affairs
www.culturalsurvivalskills.com

I have several friends who bemoan the fact that our politics today are so fractious and polarized. They long for compromising attitudes among our elected officials and among our citizens. Frankly, so do I.

However, some of the issues that are being forced upon us in this Post-Modern Era are not ones that can be settled through compromise.

There are some issues that are literally life and death issues. With regard to these, there can be no compromise. Many of these issues that are being imposed upon us by secular progressive ideology---the overbearing Religion of the radical Left.

I hope you will read the following article by Ken Connor, appearing on www.Townhall.com

Mr. Connor discusses the immorality of compromise on a few essential matters with great clarity. Also, please do not fail to click on his attachment, "Principles that we are unwilling to budge on", for another treat to moral and ethical clarity.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/13/09
___________________________________________

The following are the words of Mr. Ken Connor.

There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos."

-Jim Hightower, Texas commentator and humorist

As the political seas continue to churn over issues such as abortion, healthcare, cap-and-trade, bailouts, the war, and Climategate, the ideological divisions between the two major parties appear to run deeper than ever before. On top of this, it's become clear that both the Democrat and the Republican parties are experiencing an internal identity crisis?a problem that makes it difficult for either group to articulate a clear and unified agenda.

Desperate to find a way forward, politicians and pundits are stressing the need for Americans everywhere to set aside the "hot button" issues in favor of working together to find common ground. Focusing on what unites, rather than divides, us?so the thinking goes?would enable "productive dialog," which would lay the groundwork for unity, understanding, and healing.

The middle ground, after all, is where the moderates live; and that's where the majority of Americans hang their ideological hats?or so we are told. It's the "extremists" that are the problem. The muckrakers of the liberal Left and the fundamentalists of the religious Right?they are the ones destroying any chance for America to regain the national spirit that made this country great. If someone could muzzle the fringe, America could make real progress once again.

This proposed solution overlooks several serious questions: Where is this mythical common ground, what does it look like, and what kind of person lives there? What foundational moral, ethical, and philosophical principles guide the "common-grounders?" (Or does the embrace of political pragmatism foreclose consideration of the stultifying dictates of principle?) Where, for example, can one find the common ground between a person who believes that abortion is a fundamental human right and one who believes that all human life is sacred? How does the body politic meet in the middle when some believe that marriage is an institution ordained by God involving the union of only one man and one woman, and others believe marriage is a civil right to be exercised in whatever form or fashion the participants deem fit?

The truth of the matter is that when it comes to the most fundamental questions about human society, culture, and government, the middle ground is not a sensible place to occupy. When it comes down to the fundamentals, things are either right or they are wrong; to suggest that they may be right for me and wrong for you is nonsense. Moral relativism comes into conflict with the Law of Non-Contradiction when operating at the level of fundamental values.

There are, as our forefathers recognized, certain universal and self-evident truths. Human beings?for example?have been endowed by their Creator with an unalienable right to life. It is, therefore, wrong to murder an innocent human being, regardless of whether they are in the womb or in a nursing home. The act of murder is wrong regardless of who makes the decision to carry it out (mother, doctor, family) or how it is denominated (abortion, mercy killing, euthanasia). The character of an act is not changed by the rhetoric that accompanies it or the person who performs it. Such an act cannot be both right and wrong?right for you and wrong for me. It is either right or wrong?period.

There are certain principles that define the world view of Christian conservatives, principles that we are unwilling to budge on.

Here's just one example: We believe that this earth and everything in it bears the signature of a divine Creator, who so loved the world that he sent His only Son to die on a cross for the sins of humankind. Human beings are created in his image and because of the sacrifice made to redeem them, every individual is of infinite worth, value, and dignity. Therefore, all persons?rich or poor, black or white, whole or handicapped, born or unborn?have a God given right to life. That right should be protected by law and respected by society, no matter how "unwanted" or "inconvenient" it may be to others. Government should protect innocent life from the moment of conception until natural death. No public program that uses tax dollars to fund abortion or promote euthanasia should ever be foisted on the American taxpayer.

There are other principles that guide our thinking on marriage, freedom, and the role of government in a free and open society. These principles warrant discussion and debate and critical analysis. But rest assured, we will not yield on these principles no matter how much we are vilified, cajoled, or threatened?and regardless of whether leaders in the House and Senate pitch a hissy fit and the pundits rant and rave until they turn blue. And if we lose in the short term, we will continue to advance these principles in the long term. There are, after all, some hills worth dying on.

In short, there are certain issues in life that are non-negotiable, no matter how seductively the siren song of "compromise" may beckon. We understand that the way of Washington, particularly in the game of politics, is to "go along to get along." However, at some point a line must be drawn, lest you find yourself slicing and dicing away at your core beliefs until you are left with nothing to believe in. As the songwriter says, "you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything." Truer words were never spoken.

Taking Loved Ones For Granted

2009-12-12T05:53:00.000-08:00

Taking loved ones for granted

Our loved ones are normally the most precious gifts of our lives.

The older we get, the more of these wonderful people we loose...and the more we find ourselves regretting that we were too busy to call, write, or to go see them. We may also regret that we did not tell them often enough how special they were to us. This unfortunate and common oversight is an all-to-easy thing to do.

Of course we are often very busy. But we and our loved ones will not be together forever. This is an unpleasant thought and so we have a tendency not to think about it. Therefore, we tend not to be as motivated to express our love for each other as often as someday we will wish we did.

We can avoid being sorry that we did not spend quality time with our loved ones when they are going or gone---or when we "are going or gone"! ;-)

I recommend that we do the best we reasonably
can to let our special people (parents, grandparents, spouses, children, or other relatives and Friends) know how much we care for them and how very special they are to us.

Many years ago I was a consultant at a residential center for developmentally impaired children. One of the many wonderful direct-care staff I worked with was a short, heavy-set woman who was called by her last name (the common practice there). Diggins was a very jolly, and outspoken woman who loved the children she cared for. She was also very loving and kind to all of us who worked with her.

Diggins would sometimes laugh loudly and sing-out: "Give me my flowers now! Don't be wait'in till I'm gone!"

Do this for your loved ones and everyone will be happier, both now and in the future.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/12/09

Look For Good Behavior!

2009-12-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

Look For Good Behavior!

The rewards that we provide others are important because they do influence the behavior of their actions. The smiles, praise, touches, favors, treats, etc., that we provide to others following their behavior encourages them to do those behaviors more frequently in the future.

It is all too easy to notice bad behavior. Bad behavior is often irritating and it naturally grabs our attention. Be careful not to focus on bad behavior too much and to accidentally reward it with your attention more often than you reward good behavior with your attention. If you do this your children and loved ones may start to show more bad behavior to you than is good for anyone.

When we are too busy, tired, or otherwise distracted we are prone to not notice and praise, hug, smile-at, thank, touch, or kiss, etc., the good behaviors when they occur

It takes a mind-set and a goal to look-for and notice good behavior in our children and even our adult loved ones. Good behavior is frequently quiet, subtle, even expected, and therefore it is too often ignored. This is a mistake we cannot afford to make.

Like every other precious thing in our lives, good behavior needs some maintenance or it may malfunction and happen less and less.

Reward good behavior in others in natural, kind and loving ways and you will see more of it!

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/11/09

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

2009-12-09T06:26:00.001-08:00

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Individuals with Generalized Disorder have excessive anxiety and worry, more days than not, for at least six months. They feel that they just cannot help worring about things and having almost constant feelings of anxiety. The anxiety and worry are often far out of proportion to the troubles that would be caused by the actual event, should it occur. Levels of generalized anxiety are apt to lead to restlessness, fatigue, problems with concentration, irritability, muscle tension and troubled sleep.

Because of the great variety of worries involved in Generalized Anxiety Disorder, the pattern is often refered to as "free floating anxiety". This disorder may can begin at any age, but it most often starts in childhood or adolescence. The prevalence of General Anxiety Disorder was about 3% in a community sample, but about 12% of people treated in clinics are diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Possible Causes

There are many pausible explanations of generalized anxiety disorder. Rapid social and cultural changes are stressful to individuals and can produce anxiety symptoms. Media reports of murders, rapes, child abductions, and negative economic trends terrorism and war can do likewise.

The actual problems of living in poverty with its increased crime rates, fewer opportunities for education and employment, poor lowered incomes and job instability, and various threats to family cohesivness and child welfare can all lead to heightened levels of anxiety.

Some psychologists believe that generalized anxiety disorder is related to a childhood history of a lack of what is called unconditional positive regard. From this perspective, children learn “conditions of worth”, meaning that they feel they are worthy of respect only when they are living up to certain parental standards. It is thought that such individuals have learned to be overly critical and harsh in their judgement of themselves. These individuals may try to defend themselves against feelings of inadequacy, but when the defenses fail they may feel anxiety and/or depression. Others see a connection between early abandonment, physical abuse, withnessing violence, and/or experiencing frightening unpredictable chaotic environments.

Another psychological perspective refers to “existential anxiety” as a universal fear in humans about the responsibilites that one has for their own existence, including both the limits and freedoms that they must confront. When faced by the challenges of life, it is thought that many are not authentic, but rather give-in to conformity, fail to exercise their freedom of personal choice, and deny and avoid those things they fear. The avoidance of personal responsibility in these struggles is thought to lead to a variety of anxiety problems.

Cognitive explanations of generalized anxiety have to do with the maladaptive thoughts,assumptions or beliefs that people adopt about themselves and others in their lives. For example some people foolishly believe--to the extreme--that they must be loved and approved of by everyone that they find significant; that it is horrible, awful and catastrophic when things do not go the way they want them to; or that if something could be dangerous or fearsome, one should be highly concerned and upset about it and should dwell upon its possible occurrence. Other psychologists have implicated automatic thoughts that cause anxiety such as “People will know that I am stupid”; “I will make a fool of myself”; “They will laugh at me”; “I know that I will fail”, etc. Indeed, such self-statements can cause one to feel anxious.

From a biological perspective various studies have found that generalized anxiety disorder is more common among blood relatives and identical twins than among more genetically disimilar individuals. Also, a neurotransmitter called GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) has been implicated in generalized anxiety disorder. Medications that help neurons to receive GABA molecules appear to allow for increased GABA signals within the brain so it can slow down various anxiety signals that the individual must cope with.

Finally, there is evidence that teaching relaxation methods to those who suffer from generalized anxiety disorders people can offer some help in aiding sufferers to manage this problem more effectively. This and other cognitive interventions suggests that anxiety, to a significant degree, can be helped by personal skills that have been learned.

Those with anxiety problems should see their physician for a physical check-up first and then seek professional help from a psychologist specializing in anxiety management.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/9/09

Panic Disorder

2009-12-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

Panic Disorder

Panic disorder consists of a series of panic attacks that are unexpected, spontaneous, and without apparent cause. Panic attacks are often described by the sufferer as coming,"out of the blue." A panic attack is an interval of very intense fear and anxiety comprised of a variety of physical and psychological symptoms. These symptoms include a growing sense of discomfort, immediate danger, impending doom, and an increasingly intense desire to escape the situation. During the attack, people variously report experiencing a fear of loosing control of themselves or "going crazy", fear of dying, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating and trembling/ shaking, a sense of smothering, chest pain or discomfort, nausea, dizziness, stomach upset, and chills or sweats. These symptoms arrive quickly, usually peak within ten minutes, and can last for 40 minutes or so.

Panic disorder has about a 1% to 2% prevalence within one year. Major Depression also occurs in 50% to 65% of individuals with panic disorder.

About 33% to 50% of individuals who have Panic Disorder also suffer from Agoraphobia. Agoraphobia is a condition in which those with Panic Disorder also avoid or escape situations that they fear they cannot easily get out of, or fear they would be embarrassed trying to escape from. People with Agoraphobia may also fear that they cannot get help while there in that place (for example, a busy highway, a crowd of people, or a shopping mall). It is thought that Agoraphobia develops out of past panic attacks that have become associated with such situations, or that the individuals begin to worry that their panic attacks could happen in these circumstances and they would loose control of themselves, or could not escape.

Possible Causes

Panic Disorder tends to run in first degree relatives of those who are so diagnosed. Twin studies suggest that panic disorder can have genetic heritability.

Neurobiological factors are also implicated. It is possible that irregular norepinephrine activity in the locus ceruleus of the brain may be involved in panic attacks.

Interestingly, antidepressant medications that alter the activity of norepinephrine reduces panic attacks.

From a cognitive perspective, psychologists believe that how a person thinks about their lower intensity anxiety symptoms determines who will develop panic attacks. From this perspective, a person may be very sensitive to changes in their body and arousal levels. But, such individuals may then create an increasing anxiety spiral ,into a full panic attack, by greatly fearing a loss of control of their anxiety. Throughout this upward spiral, perceived increases in anxiety are noted with increased alarm and even more anxiety. This upward spiral in anxiety eventually reaches a level that we call a panic attack.

Training panic attack sufferers to understand this upward physiological spiral and to control this vicious progression has been very successful. The effectiveness of this intervention lends support the cognitive “fear of fear” theory.

A Case Study and Recommendations

One middle-aged salesman complained that he had recently started to have anxiety episodes while driving his car which were identified as panic attacks. He was already beginning to fear driving, especially on multiple lane city roads with heavy traffic, with few places to easily pull over.

Being able to drive and automobile was essential to his ability to make a living for his family. He was gravely concerned. Psychological testing and clinical interviews led to the diagnosis of Panic Disorder without Agoraphobia, though agoraphobia was in the process of development.

The man was also diagnosed with Major Depression. Antidepressant medication and behavior therapy were successful and this man reported his panic attacks stopped and that his depression improved significantly.

If you or a loved one has similar anxiety symptoms, see your family physician for a physical examination and consider a referral to an psychologist experienced in the practice of Behavior Therapy for Anxiety Disorders.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/8/09

Anxiety Disorders

2009-12-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

Anxiety Disorders

We are all familiar with what anxiety feels like. This uncomfortable gnawing feeling in our body, the fear that we might not be in control, the sense that we are vulnerable, or that something bad or awful could happen is not something that we look forward to.

Occasionally, We may experience an even more powerful emotion that is attached to a situation, event, or stimulus that is a physical danger or threat. Strong anxiety attached to these specific things is called fear. Fear is not always bad. For example, fear related to drowning when around water, being out from cover in a lightening storm, or driving in fast and congested traffic, etc., is normal. If we cope effectively and learn how to swim or put on a life-jacket, seek shelter, or slow down, these normal fears are short-lived and beneficial because they help us survive.

Sometimes a person’s anxiety is not attached to anything identifiable. This form of anxiety is called “free floating” because it is not related to anything in particular and seems to exist "all on its own". Experiencing this kind of anxiety can be very unpleasant and fatiguing.

For some people, anxiety may become a periodic or chronic condition that is not associated with any particular environmental event. But, when it strikes it does so in a rapidly intensifying attack which is relatively short-lived, but is never the less terrifying. The fear of these anxiety attacks can cause individuals to escape and avoid the conditions that have been associated with them. This fear can generalize to other similar conditions. Unfortunately, then, these attempts to escape or avoid the feared circumstances cause these individuals to be increasingly socially isolated and unhappy.

In this way, and in others, fears and anxieties can become attached many situations, events, or stimuli that are not dangerous, possess no real threat, and that are normally enjoyable and beneficial.

Anxiety disorders are the most frequent of all psychological disorders. It is estimated that anxiety disorders afflict around 19% of our adult population each year.

Fortunately, most anxiety disorders can be treated with good effect.

My next several postings will focus upon several of the most common anxiety disorders.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
12/06/09

Preventing Suicide Among Children and Teens

2009-12-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

Preventing Suicide Among Children and Teens

Suicide rates among children and adolescents have increased very significantly over the last several decades. Suicidal children and teens often take overdoses of prescription drugs in their home and guns(they must be kept safely)are increasingly used in suicides.

Child suicides are often linked to the loss or anticipated loss of a loved one, family stress, unemployment in the parent, parental abuse, and severe depression. Children who commit suicide frequently show a deterioration in the quality of their behavior including withdrawal from family and friends, temper tantrums, destructive and delinquent behavior, including running away from home.

About half of teen suicides are related to severe depression and feelings of hopelessness. Other factors that appear to be involved are poor family relations and conflict, social isolation, boyfriend/girlfriend problems and school pressures.

Child and adolescent natural emotional immaturity and tendencies toward impulsiveness, suggestibility (the imitation of others), anger, and heightened sensitivity are relate to increased rates of suicide. Drug and alcohol abuse and the weakening of family ties (divorce, family mobility, and the reduction in extended families) are a significant part of this problem.

Also, a history of suicide attempts within the family (or individuals that the adolescent loves or admires), a history of self-inflicted injuries (cutting or burning,etc), or actual suicide attempts should alert parents or guardians to a heightened danger of suicidal thinking or behavior in their children or teens.

If you worry that your child or adolescent is at any risk for suicidal thinking it is essential that you talk to them about their feelings, and take their emotions seriously. If you suspect that they may be thinking about suicide, ask them about it directly. If suicide is mentioned or even hinted at in small ways get professional help immediatley. If emotional problems persist,even without concerns of suicide, get professional help and do not put it off. It is important to consult your family physician to rule out medical issues and then have your child or teen evaluated by a psychologist. Individual and family counseling can reduce emotional problems and the risks of suicide. If there are severe psychological disorders involved (depression, anxiety, mood-swings, etc.), medication management may be necessary.

Please visit the following websites for more information about preventing suicide in Teens and in children:

http://www.aap.org/advocacy/childhealthmonth/prevteensuicide.htm

http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec23/ch286/ch286e.html

God Bless,

Dr. Tom, 12/05/09

Suicide Prevention

2009-12-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

Suicide Prevention

Suicide is not a classified diagnosis in the DSM-IV, but I will include it here because it is a very costly and damaging individual and cultural problem. Increased rates of suicide are correlated with depression, bipolar disorder,alcohol and drug dependence, and schizophrenia.

Suicide can be defined as a self-inflicted death in which a person makes and intentional, direct, and conscious effort to end one’s own life. Contrary to popular belief, all suicides are not a result of classifiable psychological disorders.

Factors that may lead suicide

Among adults, it has been repeatedly observed that suicide victims have suffered significantly more recent stressors than matched groups that did not commit suicide. The loss of a loved one (rejection, breakup, divorce or death) is a very common stressor preceding suicide. Other stressors may include natural disasters, ,job loss, or severe financial problems. These and other stressors may pile up, or they may simply exist for a very long time and lead to feelings of hopelessness.

Other factors associated with suicide are:

1. Depression and other mental disorders
2. Alcholoism and drug abuse
3. Suicidal thinking, talk, and preparation
4. Prior suicide attempts
5. Lethal methods available
6. Social isolation, living alone, loss of support
7. Hopelessness and ridged thinking
8. Being an older white male
9. Modeling, suicide in the family and perhaps genetics
10. Economic or work problems and certain high stress occupations
11. Marital problems and family dysfunction
12. Stress and stressful events
13. Anger, aggression, and irritability
14. Physical illness
15. Repetitions and combinations of factors 1-14

What to do

If you have thoughts of suicide, seek professional help Immediately. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Tell your loved ones, call your doctor, get a referral to an experienced psychologist for evaluation and psychotherapy. Seek professional medication assistance, if necessary.

Many people who attempt suicide do not succeed. No matter how serious the attempt, there are frequent failures. Some attempts leave people seriously impaired for life as a result of the residual damage that they have done to themselves.

There are much better and more effective ways to cope with any trouble that you may encounter. Just get competent professional help and you will see!

Then, there is the matter of Behavioral Contagion. Suicide and suicidal thinking is contagious. When one member of a family commits suicide,it damages their loved ones. Their loved ones are then prone to emotional problems and are more likely to consider suicide as a realistic option when they meet life’s certain stresses and strains. Do not be the cause of your loved ones emotional problems and suicidal thinking through your suicide attempts or completion.

There are much better and more effective ways to cope with any trouble that you may encounter. Just get competent professional help and you will see!

Finally, if you know someone who is thinking about suicide do everything in your power to get them to seek professional help. Do not be sworn to secrecy. Inform their loved ones and ask that they use their influence to get help to the suicidal individual.

If you feel that suicide is about to happen, call the police and tell them of the immediate danger. They can do a “welfare check” and if they find that the individual is in danger, they can hospitalize the person, thereby interrupting the suicide and providing the professional assistance that is needed.

For more detailed information about preventing suicide, please go to the following link:

http://www.realmentalhealth.com/depression/suicide_04.asp?gclid=CMToyK6RvZ4CFQ4MDQodKVqbmw

Dr. Tom
12/4/09

Good Vs. Bad Behavior

2009-12-03T10:38:00.000-08:00

Defining Good vs. Bad Behavior

I am a psychologist and therefore I have deep respect for psychology's most robust laws and principles: The Law of Effect is one such law.

I like to think of it this way: The Law of Effect is one of God’s truths discovered by science, but known by perceptive humans through all time.

The Law of Effect states that: Consequences Control Behavior.

The facts are that individuals, groups and sociocultures that do not abide by this law will suffer the consequences of increasingly chaotic behavior patterns. Much of this behavior will be bad because bad behavior normally requires less organization and planning, less patience, less effort, and leads to fast, or even instant, gratification (rewards). My general definitions for bad behavior is dumb, short-sighted, self-defeating, maladaptive, self-and-other destructive, damaging, irresponsible, mentally disturbed, criminal, selfish, addicted, murderous, or suicidal behavior, etc..

Defining and differentiating bad behavior and good behavior is not always a simple matter. Attempting to do so invites criticism, even social censure in this day and age. But we all do it. Its just that many of us have been intimidated, by modern political correctness and the prevailing philosophy of moral relativism, into keeping these judgements of good/bad or right/wrong to ourselves. By giving-in to these social pressures, we become incompetent at encouraging good behavior, in ourselves, our loved ones and others. This form of ethical incompetence is self-destructive for individuals, groups and sociocultures, which is the point of this discussion.

The growth of ethical ignorance and incompetence, and its predictable consequences, is exactly what is happening to America.

I have struggled with the problem of defining good behavior and bad behavior for many years. The best that I have been able to do is to blend several criteria as an aid to making such evaluations. Though this method is admittedly imperfect, in my judgement, it is far better than declaring that there are no rights/wrongs, or goods/bads, and embracing the behavioral chaos which naturally results from this perverted anti-ethical philosophy.

I define bad or undesirable behaviors as all behaviors (thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and important physiological events such as extreme anger, fear, and anxiety) that:

A). Are prohibited by law. These criteria can change overtime, but they are generally a helpful guide.

B). Are represented as a Psychological Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV-Revised (DSM-IV). This is the diagnostic manual used by physicians and mental health professionals to determine who is suffering from significant mental problems.
http://allpsych.com/disorders/dsm.html

C). Are listed in the International Classification of Diseases, 10th Edition (ICD-10). This diagnostic manual is used world round to diagnose both physical diseases and mental disorders.
http://apps.who.int/classifications/apps/icd/icd10online/

D). Are behaviors competitive or incompatible with the main features of a healthy human personality as identified by psychologists Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow.
http://psikoloji.fisek.com.tr/maslow/self.htm

E). Are proscribed by the benevolent religions of the world.
http://www.universalbehaviorcode.com/index.html

I define Good or desirable behaviors as those behaviors (thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and important physiological events such as good feelings, happiness and affection) that compete with, or are incompatible with, definitions A. B. and C., and those that are consistent with D).,Roger's and Maslow's definitions of a healthy personality and E)., the behavior patterns recommended by the benevolent religions of the world.

Again, the general criteria stated above are only a general guide. You may wish to research each of the references mentioned in order form your own opinions.

I believe it is essential to encourage good behavior and discourage bad behavior in our private lives and as citizens of our American Republic. There are many ways to do this through teaching, showing desirable role models, rewarding good behavior, and withholding rewards from bad behaviors. Much less frequently, in exceptional cases, it will be necessary to appropriately punish bad behaviors.

My study of the sciences of psychology/sociology/anthropology/economics, my experiences as a therapist, and my readings of the history of evolving and declining cultures, have taught me that:

Those who do not do recognize and use the law of effect , and other valuable psychological and social science principles, for the benefit of all, inevitably suffer the disastrous consequences of behavioral chaos.

Dr. Tom
12/3/09

Bi-Polar Disorder

2009-11-30T19:42:00.000-08:00

Bipolar disorder

Bipolar Disorder was once called manic-depression. This is a mood disorder that is chiefly identified by mood swings between the two “polar” states of mania and depression.

Manic episodes are periods of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood. While in an elevated mood people typically experience periods of greatly increased self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, rapid speech, floods of ideas, increased activity levels to the point of hyperactivity, with possible hyper sexuality, and risk taking. People in manic states can be euphoric or highly irritable if their goals are blocked or interfered with. The combination of blind optimism, feelings of grandiosity, increased sex drive, and poor impulse control often lead to damaged personal, family, social and vocational relations.

These manic states alternate with periods of depression in ways unique to the individual.

Milder, yet still disruptive, mood swings are symptomatic of a more moderate mood swing problem named cyclothymia.

Case Study

One bipolar disordered grandmother remained rather isolated during depressed periods only to emerge from her depressed states and go on "rampages" that struck fear into the hearts of her adult children and their families. Her behavior was unpredictable and highly problematic. She was arrested by the police for swimming at a small town public beach in her underclothes. One Thanksgiving she pulled unannounced into the driveway of her daughter’s family and let several adult turkeys out of the back of a beat-up station wagon (she had been in numerous accidents) to run through the neighborhood. After all, it was Thanksgiving, and She had “brought the dinner”!

Perhaps this sounds amusing, but her adult daughter was mortified with fear of what was coming next. She was also known to pick-up well-to-do elderly men and spend their money before moving on to other relationships. As is often the case, this individual refused to take the medication, which could have helped to controlled her mood swings. My dear grandmother remained actively bipolar until she contracted a terminal illness in her late 70's.

As a young child I could not understand my mother's mortification at her arrival at my house. To me, she was just an exciting and fun grandma. I loved her dearly and still do.

Community samples suggest a life-time prevalence of .4% to 1.6%. However, the frequency of this diagnosis appears to be increasing in children and adults

Possible Causes

Bipolar disorder is thought to be caused by biological factors. One theory suggests that a combination of low levels of serotonin and high levels of norepinephrine combine to produce bipolar symptoms. Another theory suggest that the improper transport of sodium ions involved in neuronal transmission (or perhaps an abnormality in the neuronal membrane) increases the rate of neuronal impulses and leads to mania. There is also consistent evidence that bipolar disorder may be an inherited condition. Close relatives of those who suffer from bipolar disorder also show higher rates of this problem.

If you or your loved one shows indications of Bi-Polar Disorder see your family physician for a physical. If all is well with your physical check-up, I strongly recommend a psychiatric consultation. A psychiatrist is an MD who specializes in treating serious mental disorders, of which Bi-Polar Disorder is one.

If Bi-Polar Disorder is the problem, it cannot be regulated without medication management. In addition, education and counseling with an experienced therapist is very important for long-term management of this disorder. Bi-Polar Disorder cannot be cured, but it can be managed effectively.

God Bless,

Dr. Tom
11/30/09

2009-11-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

Suspected Causes of Depression

Many potential causes of depression have been identified on the basis of research and keen observation. Various of these factors can interact and summate as they determine the course and severity of depressive episodes.

The following is a brief summary of possible causes:

Genetic factors have been implicated by researchers who study the extended families of depressed individuals and find that relatives have a significantly higher incidence of depression than the general population. Closer relatives of depressed persons have higher rates of depression than do distant relatives.

In twin studies identical twins have a much higher chance of both suffering from depression than do fraternal (nonidentical) twins. These kinds of studies could be taken as evidence for the learning of depressed behavior in families as a result of similar experiences, and learning can be an important factor. Adoption studies have also suggest that genetics can play a significant role in the development of depression.

Biochemical factors may also be involved in depression. Neurotransmitters are molecules that move between the neurons (special nervous system cells in the brain) allowing neuro-impulses to travel from one cell to the next. The search is not over, but so far, two specific neurotransmitters have been found to occur at low levels in depressed individuals. It has also possible that these neurotransmitters could be present in sufficient quantity, but may not used effectively by the brain. These neurotransmitters are norepinephrine and serotonin. Anti-depressant medications are known to increase the availability of these brain chemicals and/or to improve the way the brain uses them, thereby relieving depression.

Hormonal factors may also be involved in depression. It has been found that people who are depressed frequently show elevated levels of cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone released by the adrenal glands when individuals are under stress. Stressful events are often found to have preceded episodes of depression. High levels of another hormone named melatonin have also been implicated in depression. It is thought that the lack of sun associated with winter months may cause a build up of melatonin and produce the depression that is called seasonal affective disorder.

Psychological theories have identified many life events that predispose individuals to depression. Psychodynamic theorists have noted that the death or loss of a loved one early in life increases the likelihood of depression for the person experiencing the loss. The separation of children under six from their mothers has been found to lead to a form of child depression (anaclitic depression). These findings also hold for infant monkeys separated from their mothers. It appears that maintaining early emotional attachments with caretakers is very important to mental health of children and the adults that they become.

Behaviorists have observed that depressed individuals have often lost a significant proportion of the rewarding people, places, things, or abilities that they have customarily enjoyed in life. In some individuals a loss of important sources of rewards are thought to precipitate a downward spiral of depression in which these people do fewer things and therefore obtain even fewer rewards in their lives. Also, studies have demonstrated a behavioral contagion effect in which non-depressed people were exposed to other individuals who acted depressed. The findings were that some of those who were simply exposed to a depressed person began to feel depressed themselves.

Cognitive factors refer to a persons beliefs, attitudes and ways of thinking about the world. Cognitive-behavioral research has found that feelings of helplessness accompanying depressed behavior can be produced by repeatedly experiencing painful events over which the individual has no control. More recent changes to this theory note that a perceived lack of control over such painful events is more important than the actual control which is available.

Other psychologists have examined cognitive factors that can lead to depression. For example people can learn to think negatively about their past, present and future. They can also magnify various minor problems and minimize the good things in their lives. Depressed people also frequently have automatic thoughts which they think in a “reflexive”-like and uncritical way. Such thoughts might include things like: "I certainly am damaged goods", “I’ll never amount to anything”, I'm the biggest screw-up on earth", or "I've got so many problems I just can't take it anymore."

It is good that you have taken the time to become familiar with some of the likely factors that may predispose people to periods of depression. Knowing your risk factors could help you to lower some of them. Perhaps you could share this information with your loved ones. Knowing our risk factors can help us all to be more alert for early indications of depression and to seek professional help early.

As always, prevention and early treatment are the best approaches.

Dr. Tom
11/29/09

Look Out For Depression

2009-11-28T08:06:00.000-08:00

Look Out For Depression

The most severe form of depression is called Major Depression. Major depression is diagnosed when a number of the following symptoms last two weeks or more. Some of its features are a loss of pleasure and interest in almost all activities. There are normally changes in appetite with weight loss or weight gain. Feelings of worthlessness, failure, guilt and inferiority can lead to thoughts of death. Suicidal thinking, planning and attempts may occur. Depressed individuals also have problems concentrating, thinking, and making decisions. They generally look sad and move like they have the weight of the world on thier shoulders, complaining of feeling tired and fatigued. They may complain of physical problems (aches and pains), report sadness, and become irritable, edgy, argumentative, angry and blame others for their own problems. Depressed people ofen withdraw from social activities and from activities and hobbies that once gave them pleasure. Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) and hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) are a common part of depression. Ocassionally, depression can become so intense that it can include mood consistent periods of psychosis in which the individual may develop false beliefs about his world.

Dysthymic Disorder is a more moderate, but still disruptive, form of depressed mood that characterized by at least two years of depressed mood that does not satisfy the requirements for major depression. Depression is often diagnosed in those who abuse and become dependent upon alcohol and illegal drugs.

Depression can be very destructive of the individuals who suffer from it and also destructive of social relationships and families. For example spouses and children of depressed people often feel their anger, negativity, and withdrawal as a lack of love and caring for them. If the depression goes on for years without treatment, as it often does, spouses feel building frustration, resentment, and anger in response to the depressed treatment they receive from their depressed mate. The result is that they frequently seek love and caring outside of their marriage and the ruinous effects of this infidelity then compounds their problems.

With proper marriage counseling and antidepressant medication (when warranted) some marriages can recover to become better than ever, but many simply fail in divorce. The same is true for couples that are not married.

The sad fact is that many of these couples never know what hit them—they simply conclude that they don't love each other any more.

The children of depressed parents (divorced, married, or not) see the same symptoms as the adult non-depressed mate, but they react differently. They often feel unacceptable, worthless, unloved and unwanted. Children also show the sad effects of constant bickering, fighting, or worse between their parents.

From this sad history frequently grows a life-time of psychological and relationship problems for these childdren who grow to adulthood and for their own children. In complex ways, with complex outcomes, untreated depression can easily become contagious across generations.

The life-time risk of Major depression, based upon community samples, is between 10% to 25% for women and 5% to 12% for men.

If you, or member of your family, or perhaps a friend shows signs of depression, talk to them about what can happen if depression is an untreated problem. Encouraged them to seek professional assistance.

God Bless, Dr. Tom
11/27/09

Preventing Depression in Children and Adolescents

2009-11-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

Preventing Depression in Children and Adolescents

The symptoms of depression are likely to show themselves in different ways, depending upon the age of the child.

Infants may show listlessness, social unresponsiveness, and slowed physical development. Children up to about 2 yrs. of age are more likely to show little curiosity and interest in play. They may be clingy, fearful, have nightmares and night terrors and show an increase in oppositional and uncooperative behavior.

Between three and five years of age children may show sadness, tiredness, slow movement poor appetite and weight loss. They may also show withdrawal, apathy, irritability and anger. Some children may begin to express thoughts of suicide.

From 6 to 12 years depressed behavior begins to look more similar to that of adults. They may express their depressed feelings as well as suicidal thoughts. They may have difficulty feeling pleasure and show signs of low self-esteem, apathy, withdrawal, and low motivation. Poor school performance is common as are physical complaints, oppositional behavior, social problems, and delinquency

Pre-adolescents and adolescents ages 12-18 years are more likely to “act-out” their depression. They may show volatile moods, rage, various forms of delinquency, substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, suicidal thinking, self-abuse, and over-eating and sleeping. There may be guilt and feelings of worthlessness and the inability to concentrate and make decisions. School under achievement and suicidal thinking are also common.

It is estimated that 2-4% of our children under 17 yrs. Suffer from a major depression and the percent for teens is about 7%. There is no apparent difference in depression rates between boys and girls until about 11 years of age. After this time girls are twice as likely to be depressed as boys.

Causes of Depression

There are many causes of childhood depression. Genetics and changes in brain chemistry appear to play a role as does child abuse, abandonment, divorce, and loss of a loved ones to death or divorce. Other factors that are traumatic or negative life events can also be involved, such as rejection by significant others, imitation of significant depression in others, learning to be helpless, and the loss of rewarding people, things, and conditions. The factors that cause child and adolescent depression are similar to those that cause adult depression. Depression may go undetected by others until they intensify and are identified later in adult years. Frequently, adults will admit that they do not remember a time when they were not depressed. This is regrettable, because depression can severely limit ones success throughout life.

Depression can be improved or cured

A 16-year-old adolescent was brought to a therapist because he was flunking his tenth grade classes and was “into” Goth dress, literature, music and friends. He had ceased communicating with most people, stayed in his room at home, and was found to be using marijuana and cigarets. The teen would not communicate with the therapist. As a result of the various dangers involved in this case, the parents were advised to enter their son in an adolescent treatment center for psychological assessment, intensive individual and group counseling and substance abuse treatment. A psychiatrist prescribed antidepressant medication and after about two weeks he was discharged to his parents care and returned to his psychologist for further out-patient family and individual counseling. The teen’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors gradually improved greatly in all ways.

It is important to review the known causes of Depression because in doing so we are in a better position to prevent, catch early and effectively treat depression in ourselves and our loved ones. If depression appears to be a problem in your children, schedule a visit with your family physician and also consider a a careful evaluation by a psychologist. Depression is a very treatable problem and it can often be cured.

An once of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Dr. Tom
11/4/09

Have A Blessed Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T08:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving To You!

I hope that you will take this day to count your many blessings and be with, or think of , your friends and loved ones.

Thanksgiving should also remind us of the great gift we have in America and the sacrifices of all who keep it, and all of us, safe.

It is also good to ask, how can we continue to do our part in this great effort?

God’s Blessings to you and your loved ones.

Dr. Tom

11/26/09